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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A MIL thread

3 replies

kaelah · 27/02/2023 10:21

Yesterday whilst out with DH and MIL, we met a family friend (friend of MILs as well as my own mother, so close friend of both families) we ended up grabbing a coffee together and having a nice morning until the topic of hyperinflation came up.

They mentioned how they've had it with living in the UK, which I truly understand, with all the prices increasing, life in London surely isn't as easy as it was a couple of years ago. MIL mentioned the only thing keeping her here for the next year or so is our DS (1).

For context, she's been saying ever since I met her that she wants to go back to our home country, but she wouldn't do so because of DH. Initially I didn't think anything of it when they lived together since I thought she most likely didn't want to leave him stuck in a two bedroom house having to sort out bills alone. But when we moved in together, the continuous "i hate this country and i'm not well here" but refusing to leave because she doesn't want to leave us has begun to look like some sort of psychological manipulation.

often DH and I feel bad that she gets upset being here, but we don't want to leave. I've started to notice that this seems to be a little more, malicious in a sense than unintentional? Like she wants to force us all to move with her by getting us to feel bad for her.

At this coffee break, they asked if I saw myself moving, to which I said "I won't rule it off because I might change my mind in a couple of years, you never know what tomorrow is going to be like, let alone a couple years time. But currently, I don't see myself leaving the UK" and MIL snapped at me about how I couldn't be that inconsiderate to ignore DH's wishes and if he wanted to move back home. I kept calm and just responded with "It's as much my decision as it his, and if one of us was to have an opposing opinion to the other, that's something we'd decide amongst us. I won't agree with him just to keep him happy if that's going to make me unhappy, just like I wouldn't expect the same from him."

She didn't say anything else to me, but approached DH about "don't you want to go back home?" to which he responded a firm no. She didn't say anything else about the matter but seemed to be a bit off with me the rest of the day.

AIBU to be annoyed and think she needs to mind her own business? I'm considering addressing the situation with her, as DH has before, and this continues to be an issue.

OP posts:
Oohhhh · 27/02/2023 10:42

I'm not really seeing anything wrong in what you've posted. The feeling bad part is definitely on you and your DH, just because she says she would like to go back home doesn't mean you need to feel bad for her.

Maybe MIL and DH have previously spoken about going back home which is why she thought it would be inconsiderate to his feelings. Sounds like you put her right and she left it there. Your DH put her right and she left it there.

Not sure what the issue is really?

Mischance · 27/02/2023 11:26

Indeed - you both put her right and explained your choices - and it sounds as though you took the trouble to do this as gently as you could.

You and your DH will make your own decisions, as will your MIL. She does have choice, and she is a grown adult. You need to do your best to ignore all this.

Climbles · 27/02/2023 11:35

On the scale of MIL problems this is really mild, if it’s your only issue I would try not to worry. Maybe she lays the guilt on a bit thick but it sounds like you handled it well. Read some of the threads on here with MIL might help you to put it in perspective.

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