AIBU to be feeling this way over niece?

[DrPepperDiet]

I am the youngest out of all my siblings. The age gap between me & my siblings is that wide that most of them could be my parents.

I am 30 & my nephews/nieces are similar age (Some still younger) but the ones my age are more like my siblings, well the ones in my life. That I’ve grown up with.

One of my selfish brothers had two kids, my niece being a year younger than me so she’s 29. Anyway he walked out of their life when my niece was 2/3 or 3/4 & my nephew would’ve been a newborn. Which made me 3/4 I think maybe 4/5 as I don’t know exact dates so I’m probably off a year or so.

So I was always far to young to even know anything about it I was more or less my nieces age, a baby myself. She recently got in touch with me & she seems to have an issue with me not having anything to do with her. Even though this all happened when I was just a baby myself.

When I got to a teenager obviously I was made aware that I had another niece & nephew but that was it. I’ve never reached out as I didn’t & still don’t feel it’s my place too. I definitely understand her hurt & since I was told what my brother did I have always said to him he’s a selfish tw@t. I don’t see him myself anymore. Haven’t for years.

But AIBU to think she’s got the issue with the wrong person here? Like my parents didn’t even bother with her or my other siblings & they were adults when my brother walked out on them. Like I said I was just a baby myself. She has my sympathy completely & I have told her that I’ve even told her that my parents (her grandparents) should be ashamed of themselves having not made an effort to keep in contact with her but for some reason it’s just me she’s fuming about.

So sorry for going on this is just really stressing me out. I feel guilty for something I genuinely couldn’t prevent. I couldn’t go knocking at her door when I was a toddler demanding rights to see her. I feel awful for her too of course.

Have you messaged her to tell her all of this? As you have already stated, none of this is your doing and why should you tolerate a stranger haranguing you?
If she doesn't get it just block and move on.
Oh and don't apologise for her father being a twat

It sounds like she is carrying some stuff and not handling it well.

I'd write a neutral message reminding her that you are the same age, and sadly you don't remember her or remember hearing much about her. You could suggest she contacts some older members of the family who will have memory and knowledge of the situation. End by wishing her well and block. Don't make any comment about the behaviour of her father or your grandparents - it sounds like they behaved badly but commenting on this will be no help to her.

YANBU

Your the same age, you are both equally responsible for contact

What has she actually said?

It's a sad situation that she obviously harbours hurt over and she may well understand the situation differently or have been told something different than you know. Regardless OP you aren't obliged to see anyone regardless of the circumstances and her expectations that you made contact before when you are the same age don't make much sense when surely she also could have done this prior and has not?

Do you want a relationship with her? Frankly if you don't and don't intend on hashing it out then if it were me I probably wouldn't facilitate further contact, particularly if she is lashing out or if it's upsetting you.