DM says I always 'attack' her

[Budsofmay]

My mother came to stay this wkend. I see her once maybe every 4 months or so.

Background - my brother has borderline personality disorder and been sectioned a number of times.
When she arrives she spends the whole time fretting that his phone is off. He is 33 yrs old. I say he will be fine probably hasn't charged it. Long story short he was absolutely fine. He mentioned before that he doesn't want her ringing him 247 as it causes him anxiety and he wants to live his life but she says she worries and he is vulnerable.

I mention this.

Anyway she goes into a big rant that I'm not supportive and it's an attack on her to say he needs space. That as a sibling I should be supporting her and him taking time to travel 2 hrs to where they live to run errands and be company for him etc. I have 2 under 2 and work part time. He never comes to see me and offers no support.

Anyone else with a sibling with mental health struggle with this? I said if I wanted to distance myself entirely that's up to me (I haven't) she says I have no compassion and am selfish. Because I'm doing ok it's my duty to help those who aren't. I call him a lot he very rarely calls me. My brother is often rude and unfriendly towards me but she said it's the illness and I should look past it.

AIBU?

I don't have a sibling with mental health worries (I do sympathise though OP) but I do have a mother who cries or says "don't be angry with me" if I ever express any annoyance or displeasure at any single thing she does, no matter how mildly. So we don't have any sort of relationship beyond the superficial. Sad, but her choice.

I also have an extremely sensitive mother who has been known to have strops like a teenager, literally shutting herself in her room and telling me to go away, then sobbing accusingly when I did exactly that (with a polite "good bye, see you soon", not storming off in a huff) rather than barging into her room to comfort her like she apparently actually wanted.

Uh, no, you're a grown adult and I'm your child! I'm not playing silly games like we're two teenagers in a doomed relationship, for god's sake!

We're mostly on good terms and I do love her but like with a pp, I keep things fairly light and fluffy to avoid any arguments. It's a shame as I don't really have any family I confide in about very personal things. I'm going to make a conscious effort not to be like that with my daughters.