Have I made a huge mistake? (Kitten and autistic toddler)

[worriedabouttoddler]

I have a three year old who is autistic (diagnosed). He is high on the spectrum and is speech delayed with no words, and his communication/socialisation is still estimated in the 0-12 month mark. We are getting support with Portage and we’re on the waiting list for speech therapy. He is a very loving and caring little boy but he has meltdowns and for the past few months has been taking out his frustrations on himself by hitting himself in the head over and over. We have learned strategies to help with this and continue to practise the ones advised. Due to needing one on one time he struggled with a nursery environment and there are not any SEN play schools near here so he is currently not in nursery. We have been told to push for SEN schools early.

My partner and I had been discussing ways to help him and we had looked into things like therapy pets. My son does not like dogs but has always liked our family’s cats, always very intrigued by them. We did some looking and read some studies about how cats can help children with autism, especially with socialisation and anxiety. I read some threads on here and also some ASD websites and found that one of the best cats for ASD children are rag dolls (amongst others that I can’t remember the name of!).

We decided to go for it and today got a ragdoll, he came from a family with five young children and two dogs so has been very well used to youngsters!

We first took our son inside to meet the kitten and he was so happy, smiling and laughing and stroking the cat with care which we were really surprised about. Things looked good so we brought the kitten home and have been home for two hours.

At first DS kept looking in the carrier and smiling, the kitten is super confident and has straight away had a sniff around and is very comfortable and cuddly with us. But since being home, DS looks almost pissed off by the cat. He has been quite hyper which is to be expected but he’s just not interested. He’s not scared of the kitten, he’s been sitting next to him fine, but every time we’ve encouraged him to stroke the kitten or to come a bit closer he’s hitting his head and just wanting to play away from him.

I know things will take some time to settle, and I’m not giving up hope just yet (it’s only been a couple of hours!) but have I made a mistake here?

I’ve been reading so many positive stories and it was one really heartwarming story about how amazing cats have been for their ASD children that made me take the plunge (she had a ragdoll and many of the comments shared similar stories) and I’m really hoping this is right for my son too.

I’d love to hear any thoughts or stories. Please be kind, I’m really trying my best.

Thank you xx

It takes time. We have a Ragdoll and a Ragdoll cross Maine coon that we got when our autistic DS was 2. He didn't really show much of an interest when the kittens were little or tolerate him on his bed, but as both he and our ragdoll have got older he now talks to him and likes it when he sits near him or on his bed. The Ragdoll is so lazy that it is not an issue and the other cat goes out more. Make sure you do lots of play with the kitten to tire it out so that it is calm around your son. Mostly our cats seemed to get more active in the evening when DS was in bed so it was never really an issue.

My son sounds similar to yours and we have a cat....they do not have a good relationship, we have to keep them separate most of the time and it's a bit of a nightmare. Incidentally....HOW did you get your diagnosis so quickly?? And portage? We are just endlessly on waiting lists and have been since DS was 2yo (they refused to add him to any lists before that as said he was too young...?).

Please watch them carefully and don't leave them alone together, kittens are fragile little things.

My autistic son was three when we got a young cat - he is now 17 but although he though he wanted one we opened the cat carrier and he screamed like he was being murdered and repeated no no no until we took him out the room. This went on for weeks. Legs off the ground all the time in case the cat was there, petrified she would 'find' him so lots of shutting of doors suddenly - honestly thought this was a mistake.
However they slowly developed a friendship and he is obsessed now - sits and strokes her, carries her around in his jumper, she looks for him - it's worked out really well.
Keep the cat healthy and you are in it for the long haul. Two hours is nothing really.

I am an autistic adult and made the decision to get a cat a few years ago. It was love at first sight but I still had several freak outs when I got home that he lives with us forever.

Within a couple of weeks I was sobbing about how much I love him- I find him easier to understand than any human and we have a mutual desire for lots of fuss and attention- this morning we snuggled up together for 3 hours!

Any permanent change can be hard for someone with autism, no matter how welcome it is- give it time!

Also agree with PP that with the age of your son, I would see peaceful co-existence as a good outcome until he is much older!

Be kind to yourself OP, it’s not easy being a parent to autistic children - and personally I always feel I’m constantly failing.

We adopted a cat during lockdown - DD2 asked for a cat for her birthday and we thought it might also help autistic DD1 with her anxiety.

I think overall it has helped, although autistic DD1 is sometimes horrified by the cat’s behaviour (catching birds etc).

DD1 is way older than your than you DS so not sure how helpful my post is, but in the long term I feel feel the cat has helped DD1. She talks to the cat, has cuddles and the cat seems to calm her down.

Maybe give it some time and see how things go. Good luck OP! To be honest it’s nice to hear from a parent of an ND child - it can feel a bit lonely sometimes! X

In the first place, it will take the kitten at least a week to settle down and not feel threatened and scared.

Remember all it's ever known so far is it's mother and siblings!!

I'm surprised you haven't scared the poor thing shit-less.

Back off and give it time and let the kitten come to you with gentle and kind words.

Don't force anything, ever.

It WILL all come in its own time for both of them, so stop interfering, but always make sure the kitten is safe, otherwise you'll be defeating the object because it will be scared and want to keep away/hide.

Give it time. They will bond 😊 x

My ds has asd and is 7. We looked at therapy dogs but despite several attempts to get on a wait list locally it wasn't happening so we decided to get a puppy. This was 18m ago, I work for part time, ds is in school it seemed a great time. It was hard training a pup it just took time away from my son. He struggled with the dog and disliked the dog jumping up. It has got easier but he doesn't have a relationship with the dog he basically avoids him. The dog has got easier thankfully but still needs plenty of attention and DS doesn't like walking him. Sometimes a pet is a life saver other times life can become even more stressful. We love our dog but I n hindsight it wasn't the best decision. You will just need to give it time and don't try to force a relationship

I think your son may sense that you really care about him and the kitten getting on and this is making him feel overwhelmed. My own son, who is severely autistic, is very much like this. I would just be very casual about it all ( while obviously keeping a close eye on them both).