To feel cynical about dance schools?

[Chocolatehearts]

My youngest daughter wants to start dancing (4) with her friend who already goes to a dance school.
My eldest daughter (now 15) danced when she was younger for 3 years- aged 4-7 but and she stopped of her own accord and took up a totally different hobby.
However, my memories of it are a bit negative tbh- the unnecessary pressure of exams, pressure to look perfect, the mum cliques during show time when helping backstage, the lack of thanks for volunteering to help and expectation to buy gifts for the dance teachers at show time when already spent hundreds on costumes etc, the huge expense of shows and exams, costumes etc.
I remember getting spoken to sharply a few times by other mums and members of the dance school's family during show weeks.
I do also remember her enjoying it before she lost interest, but I didn't like the dynamics between the "in" mums and other mums in addition to other things mentioned. It also felt competitive. She attended quite a large, locally renowned dance school- are the smaller ones friendlier?
I hear that exams aren't mandatory these days which is positive.
I'd like to change my perspective before I agree to take her, so happy to be challenged on my perception of dance schools if anyone has any thoughts?

Choose a dance school that doesn't do competitions. Traditional ballet for example

Yeah we did it for years. You’re completely right. If you’re not in the dance mum clique forget it. My penny drop moment was when I realised we’d forked out the best part of £200 for costumes, travel and tickets to a dance show where my dd was basically at the back lifting other children and she ended up in hospital with strained muscles. We never actually saw her dance. Waste of time…

As @NEmama says, choose a school that doesn't do competitions. A local ballet school can be a really beautiful and positive part of your DD and your lives. My DD has been dancing for 12 years, and I've made some wonderful mum friends, and she has some lovely friends whom she wouldn't have met otherwise.

Ds2 has been dancing for 11 years. His school do exams, a big show every 2 years and a couple of (voluntary) competitions a year. It suits him but schools are varied so it's really about finding on that suits you/your child.

@Meem321 ballet school is so much better my DD has been with hers since age 3 she does RAD exams. She tried a different style of dancing last year but it was at one of the cliquey schools. A show that had the teachers DD at the front and can only do "comps" if have private lessons. Absolute fortune

Oh and I'd suggest finding a school that offers a range of dance types - ballet's not for everyone. Ds loves modern and excels at tap but his classic ballet is only so-so and his enjoyment of street waxes and wanes.

My daughter’s dance school is nothing like this, it’s basically just running around the village hall playing games with a few dance steps thrown in. Maybe find one which is quite chilled and doesn’t do exams, shows etc? They do exist!

I went to a dance school similar to what you describe. Ballet and tap. So much pressure. Horrible.

My daughter goes to a small, modern dance school which is really relaxed. There are exams and shows, but it's mostly lighthearted. The shows are a chaotic mess of fun rather than pressure performances.

I spoke to the dance teacher before I let my daughter join to get a feel for her ethos. It's a dance school that includes children with SEND - good vibes. Asking about inclusivity will allow you to make a judgement about any dance school.

My DD’s school was nothing like this. No exams, no need to help backstage, no need to buy costumes. Shows were put on, costumes were all provided at no expense. No need to buy teachers presents, though we sometimes did. Looking perfect and properly dressed with hair done was deemed important, though. I don’t think it was cliquey. I didn’t really know or meet other dance parents.

My dd has been dancing since she was 2 and is now 14. The dance school doesn't do exams but does do a show every year, costumes are kept at minimal cost and no makeup for the little ones/age appropriate make up once they hit teens. There is a competition team but that's completely voluntary and yes there are parents who chaperone the shows. There aren't any cliques however and it's a really lovely atmosphere...the one up the road is the complete polar opposite with exams, children can't enter class without exact uniform and hair and definite 'favourites' and cliques. It definitely helps to look around for exactly what you want

Yes you have described dance school perfectly. I went to a school like that and 20 years later my dd went and it was exactly the same.

Competitions and competition teams (the mums) can, absolutely be like this.

My dd has been dancing for 11 years.
She first started with a local leisure centre doing jazz and ballet. They were very inclusive and did a show once a year plus all of the exams. It wasn’t particularly expensive and everyone was so nice.

When she wanted to dance competitively (thanks to the show dance mums), we found a small local dance school who did competitions. The other dancers had all been there since they were tiny and just weren’t very friendly, the dance mums were quite cliquey and I hated it. It didn’t help that my dd got lots of leads in the dances. We decided not to return after lockdown.

Now my dd is with a pretty large and established local dance school. The team is fantastic and everyone, mums and the other dancers, are so friendly and supportive.

look round until you find what you are looking for

Dance schools vary in how competitive and cliquey they are but in some of them, the atmosphere can get really toxic,

I was a dancer from 6-16 and my memories of it are that most dance teachers are a bit bonkers in one way or another. 😬 one of my dance teachers was an alcoholic and I remember her falling flat on her face when she was supposed to be teaching me a ballet solo.