To think this notice for nursery is bloody ridiculous

[IWineAndDontDine]

We have put my daughter in nursery for 2 afternoons a week. We paid for the remainder of the term (until end of march). She absolutely hates it and is miserable in/out of the nursery, constantly begging me not to go even on non-nursery days. We have put in notice as it seems pointless putting her through this unnecessarily (I'm at home). I've just checked t&Cs which obviously I was OK with when I thought she would be there for a reasonable amount of time, and you need a full terms notice. So does this mean I have to pay the whole of next term , including paying for half of this term we aren't using? That's essentially 4-5 months notice as that's when the summer term ends. Seems utterly ridiculous doesn't it? Wish I had thought more about that particular T&C when signing up. Although I didn't actually sign a contract and only found them in a random email I got just before she started. Seems a bit crap

I’ve worked in nurseries for years and I don’t think you’ve given enough time for her to settle - some children take much longer than others. However it is up to you and in regards to the notice - one of the reasons for longer notice periods is that you’ve taken to a space that someone else may have taken and they may struggle to fill that gap now mid term.

I just wanted to point out something you may already know and I apologise if you do but many parents don’t realise!

Going to the nursery at your local primary for a year before reception is no guarantee of getting a place at that school. I’m a teacher and we’ve had to turn some of our nursery away before when it comes to admissions!

If you have to give a full term's notice anyway, then you can wait till the end of this term before you decide. That's one month from now.

In the meantime, you could try the following:
Let your dd have a week off, no nursery. When she begs not to go, say, OK you don't have to go this week.
When it's her scheduled afternoon to go, give her the option. Say, if you go you'll have fun, but if you don't go, you'll have to stay home with Mummy and I'll be too busy to play with you. Then on that scheduled afternoon be deliberately boring (not neglectful or cruel obvs, just boring), ie get on with looking after baby, housework, etc and refuse to play. Keep reminding her how much fun she'd be having if she went instead.

I've had to do this with my dd: I have one morning where I WFH and she's sometimes refused to go to nursery as she's realised I WFH. I carried on WFH as if she wasn't there, only attending to physical needs, and she realised she'd be better off going from now on! Then when she did consent to go, I acted like a Supermum when I picked her up, love bombed her with games and songs and cuddles, so she knew she'd always be rewarded if she went willingly.

It sounds manipulative but I had to do it if I want to keep my job lol

Yes totally, which is why I understand paying for the rest of the term. Not the whole of next term too!

Yes I am aware 😁 i have no worries about that as we are well and truly within catchment. The nursery school is free whilst this one (if I were to keep her in) is 3.30 per government funded hour, so even the 30 hours free would cost

That's actually not a bad idea.... I'm keen not to force her so I like this approach

Very true, I'm also within my right to say it's unreasonable though.

Ah ok, that's not infant school, it's nursery or preschool.

I would give her longer to settle, maybe even increase her mornings. 2 half days a week isn't much for a child who's struggling to settle. She needs an opportunity to bond with them which isn't a quick process and requires a decent amount of time there.

Sorry maybe it's a nursery attached to an infants school. Infants is definitely in the name 😂 can't afford more that 2 mornings a week and even that's a stretch (covered by child benefit thank goodness). It's why I'm cringing at paying 900 altogether for what is essentially 6 sessions at nursery 😅

Then try taking her out and restarting childcare later. Children don't need childcare, although obviously it's ideal for them to be used to being without you in time for school.

But every child is different and you don't need to rush things, just do what you feels right for her.

Regarding nursery costs, I would check with them and state that you'll pay until the end of this term. If they say anything about next term, I would act surprised and say you didn't sign a contract and weren't made aware of it. Just act dumb and explain that you wouldn't have signed a contract had you been made aware...

2 afternoons a week isn't enough. Could you put her in for the full days?

Very true, I'm also within my right to say it's unreasonable though.

Really, you think you're not being unreasonable? What did you you think the notice period was instead, and why?

I think you are right. 6 months is a long time in terms of development!

Not really due to money ☹️

Sending over a plethora of documents in an email, not dictating what these documents are, which ones need to be signed or read, etc etc, then not even giving someone a contract to sign, and then asking for 4 months notice to take your child out is unreasonable, I believe. Not only a bit cheeky, but also I can't imagine they would get anywhere if they decided to take someone to court

How about 1 full day instead of 2 afternoons? Then get some parent and toddler classes booked in the other days so she gets used to a routine?

I do have routine the other days! Difficult because DH works weird shifts but we try our best. Maybe the one full day would be better...

My little girl did 2 mornings when she was 2 and a half ish and we had the same, screaming crying and anxiety about it between. Although we were told she did settle while she was there.
When we moved to full days, it was either she was much more used to it or the longer days suited her better, maybe both. But she loves it now!
I think it's worth sticking with, it's done wonders for her confidence and social skills. She's really thriving there and has little mates, it's lovely.
I like you had a baby at home too, I think that is part of what unsettled her.

Do you remember how long it took to settle her? Full of mum guilt!

It would be worth trying to swap to mornings and see if that suits her better OP. Sometimes the slightly different structure in in either the morning or afternoon can make a difference to children.

I remember them saying its quieter in the afternoons which is why I chose them, but maybe she loves the chaos!

It’s usually a term if they use the 30 hours funding as they will have already claimed it. A month is usual notice.

Personally I would persevere with it a bit longer if she has only attended for a few weeks. It might just take a bit longer to settle in.

It is also worth talking to the nursery to clarify what a term’s notice mean, it’s just been half term so it might be if you hand in your notice now you only need to pay until the next half term (the Whitsun half term break in late May/ early June) rather than until the very end of the summer. Half-way through the spring term to half-way through the summer term will still amount to a full term in terms of number of weeks.

Maybe try giving mornings a go. I think mornings may be better as all the kids are arriving together and getting started together. In the afternoon she may be more tired and she's happy at home, so feels unsettled at being removed from that environment.

Acting ‘dumb’ isn’t going to get anyone out of a legal contract.

The Ts&Cs were sent to OP and she accepted a place in light of them. Not the nursery’s fault if OP chose not to read them.

“Around 6” isn’t really a plethora of documents. Many parents would be overwhelmed by a single long document and would criticise them for not breaking it down.
If they were called “Doc 1, Doc 2” etc then that’s shit. But if they were called, “Specimen Weekly Menu, Safeguarding policy, Terms & Conditions” then that’s perfectly reasonable.

1 term of notice is reasonable for that sort or business. Speak to them - if they have a waiting list then you’ll quite likely get let off the notice period.

When mine were at nursery, the staff always said the infrequent attendees were hardest to settle.

@IWineAndDontDine oh mate I know. I used to drop her and sit in the car and cry. So it was autumn half term to Christmas term, she cried every drop off sometimes clinging on to me, asking not to go in between. I talked to preschool about what to do and they said it's normal.
Then on the advice of preschool we increased to full days in Jan and she's been fine from the get go. Raring to go in the mornings now!