How to support my friend and her children.

[Offensiveapprently]

Friend has just left an abusive relationship has three girls the youngest is just turning in two weeks. Friend still has good relationship with her inlaws and siblings of her ex who all have children too. Her inlaws are relatively wealthy very nice family.
She is living with her mum in a really small house. She has recently been to a couple of the kids cousins parties in nice pubs with entertainment, lovely food. I went with her to support her as she was worried ex would turn up but he didn't. They were absolutely lovely, warm friendly and welcoming.
It's her youngest child's 3rd birthday in two weeks, she is skint, trying to get a high interest loan as she has told her in laws and the family that she is having a birthday party and entertainment for the children. She's invited and has replies from upwards of 30 attendees. She booked to venue but can't afford food or entertainment, she is really struggling and is feeling like she has got to make up for everything that her ex put her through with her daughters.
I can't afford to pay for it so is not an options but how do I kindly help her to realise that all he daughters need is their lovely mum, no-one will care if she doesn't have he party or does something smaller. I obviously can't stop her getting the high interest loan but would love to help her to see that it's not necessarily the best choice right now. She doesn't want to ask hr in laws. I know she is an adult but she is acting a little bit impulsively in general at the moment. I don't want her to regret it later.

Definitely fine to do entertainment yourselves, lots of balloons and music is great at this age, musical statues where you give out sweets for best freezing and everyone gets a sweet who missed out, I wouldn't bother with pass the parcel, I think 3 is too young. Glitter tattoo sets are cheap and quick to apply. And minimal buffet food especially if not at a mealtime. Have the cake sent home to pad out the party bag.

Does the child like ‘Bluey’? How about you suggest an 80’s party like in the ‘pass the parcel’ episode. That way, it has a planned theme. All 80’s games. Pass the parcel, pin the tail on the donkey, lucky dips, treasure hunt, ….. 80’s food -sandwiches, sausage rolls, fruit, frogs in pond (jelly) etc.

I think your friend is hurting. She’s worried that her (definitely) right decision will mean her kids miss out and she’s trying desperately to not let that happen. Pay day loan is a bad idea as it’ll impact her expenses long term. Good luck - and you’re being a good friend!

Could you offer to host in your home instead? She obviously feels she needs to invite all the cousins and reciprocate for the parties she's attended. But she can't fit them in her DM's. If you could host and help with entertainment, she'll be able to cut her costs right back and won't need a loan.

@FatGirlSwim

I left an abusive ex with five children.

I know the territory.

This woman needs to be very careful and I agree 100% with the pp who says be careful of the ILs.

Best mates since 10? Makes it easier. Tell her she’s being a twat and obviously getting a pay day loan to pay for a three year olds party is ridiculous. I’d say it as it is to my friend. She might be pissed off in the short term but it wouldn’t kill our friendship and at least I could sleep at night knowing I’d done the right thing.

I can't host that many people just have a very small house too but I'd be happy to if there were less. I suggested an 80s themed party the kind we had when little and extolled the virtues of musical statues. She is still hell bent on an entertainer! Its her choice I am aware, she even admitted it was to show the inlaws that she can do it just as well as them. She's found an entertainer and booked them but can't pay any more than the deposit so she'll either lose that or go into debt to pay on the day. Now can't afford the food, the pub saying we can't bring our own understandably.

Tbh if you've known her since she was 10, you must be accustomed to her attitude to money by now.