Eating or decorating home?

[PaleBlu]

I will try to make this as short at possible - basically my relationship with my now EX broke down and I had to find a new place. After a few months wait I now have a lovely 2 bedroom flat. A small problem - it is/was unfurnished.
I was luckily enough that my family helped with the big furniture pieces, sofa, bed, mattress etc. Now what’s left is rest of the house, you know bathroom mirror, coffee mugs, plates etc.
Also.. it’s hard and so embarrassing to admit but I don’t have much money or savings and the only way that I could it is to cut massively on my eating budget.
How realistically is to eat a toast after toast after toast so save money to have a lovely home? Would it be massively unreasonable for a while just stick to very very basic, almost no spending budget?

Seriously, if you can't make this very basic decision for yourself, you don't sound like you are capable of living alone.

I am not sure what you are wanting to achieve. There is a big difference between eating toast for days or weeks on end in order to have a lovely home and not having the basics.

it is really difficult to understand that you have had help with big items, but are lacking in the basics such as a plate and towels. I am not sure how giving up oat milk will help if you don’t have crockery.

In your position it sounds like it is probably going to be sensible to sit down with someone you has more experience than you and work through a budget and a priority list of what is needed, how that can be achieved and in what timeframe.

But didn't you have a part in budgeting and aquisition of household items when you lived with your ex?

I'll admit that when I wrote my first post, it ended up being more aimed at someone setting up home for the first time, rather than someone who's done it all before.

You could feed yourself well for very little money. Eggs, beans, bananas, broccoli, potatoes, carrots, onions, pulses, basic spices, basic salad like lettuce and cucumber, that sort of thing will cost hardly anything. No need at all to live on just toast.

Sainsbury's do very decent single items of plain white crockery for a few ponds a piece. We have been using it for years as it is easy to replace broken items and I have a preference for plain white crockery.

@BarbaraofSeville yes, I don't get that either! Did the OP and her ex not own any of the basics jointly, cups, plates, tea towels...? What happened to these? Is she seriously saying she couldn't take a few mugs and plates when they separated, and is having to eat off paper plates instead?!!!

And even if this were the case, it doesn't add up that family have bought her a bed, mattress, dining table and sofa, yet can't between them help her out with a couple of bits of crockery so she's not forced to eat off paper plates.

None of this makes sense.

Yes! Ikea white plates are 75p, ditto bowls, and it’s £4 for a 16-piece cutlery set: so for giving up £2 oat milk for a month, you could get a decent amount of cutlery, 2 plates, 2 bowls and a glass, with 25p left for a Freddo frog or to keep in the savings pot for the next trip. Or even just one plate and one bowl and spend the rest on a tea towel.

Most people have too much stuff - look at the decluttering threads on here! - which means (a) lots of giving stuff away free and (b) you’re winning at minimalism!

If you want everything to match and feel grownup, stick with white and build up what you need gradually, doesn’t matter if you swap between ikea/wilko/charity/supermarket as it’ll all go together.

I do think there’s a modern inclination to want everything, now! Oat milk AND a full dinner service AND AND. But most of us can only afford a bit at a time.

@freyamay74 Depends on how/why she left and whether it was amicable or was abuse involved? I took big things when I left my twat ex-boyfriend because it was easy to do quickly, but I wasn’t going to hang around wrapping glasses in paper and packing them into boxes.

When I was younger and somewhat shallow and vacuous I used to think how my house looked meant a lot. I would buy the matching mugs and kettle and toaster and everything had to be matchy matchy and coordinated. Which is fine if you like that "off the shelf" look. But for me Over time I've come to realise that that was covering for an Under developed personality and once id started in therapy I really started to find my own vibe with DIY and decorating.

The amount of time I've been told I'm crazy for getting X wallpaper reduced and X paint, it won't work etc . Those same people always eat their hat and often come back to me for advice. Even when I could afford a professional decorator, he was like 😮 at my choices and colour scheme but then asked if his wife could come and see my bedroom and she fell in love with it.

You can absolutely decorate/furnish your house on a budget. I love anything quirky and a bit unusual. Local fb groups " What you see, totally free" , freegle, eBay. All great resources. I got lots of house plant cuttings and upcycled glass jars/cheap terracotta pots with paint markers and lace scraps. Now my house is a jungle and I give cuttings away all the time. If you can get/borrow a sewing machine then you can get 2-4m End of roll bundles of fabric on eBay for £10+ to make cushion covers and even your own blinds . Charity shops often do haberdashery bundles or even full on donated sewing baskets for 50p-£2 . You can get amazing ornaments in charity shops and you don't have to "like" them as such as most of them are dated but a tin of Matt spray paint turns a collection of 50p £1 fancy ceramic 50s ladies and vases into something that is totally different, almost ironic and suddenly rather cool.

I'm actually a little envious op. I love filling fresh space. And in your shoes I would totally forgo the oat milk 😁

I am always baffled by thise posts on Facebook giving something like a perfectly good small electrical appliance or a vase or even furniture away as "it doesn't match the new colour scheme".

It would never occur to me to do that. Then I don't like stuff to be too "matchy matchy"

@bussteward possibly, though that would seem quite a crucial bit of info missing from the OP, if she literally had to flee without taking any belongings.

And even if that were the case, why would family members who've bought her the really big expensive items of furniture not run to a few spare plates and mugs? I mean, seriously, it's mad to be buying paper plates which you're then discarding after one meal, rather than ask a relative for a plate! Or buy a £1 cheapo somewhere.

I'm also baffled by the fact the OP has gone for a 2 bed place rather than one bed or a studio if money is so tight

@Ginmonkeyagain , it's because they buy things for that 'pop of colour'
or a trendy item.
Maybe only a 2-bed flat was available, @freyamay74

Yeah I would cut out non essential spending like any tobacco, alcohol and luxury foods for a month or two and get the bits you need in.

Check Facebook marketplace for freebie or cheap bargains and some people will deliver if you tell them your situation so even less effort required.

I could eat very cheaply if I was just feeding me.

I very rarely buy anything new these days, love scouring free cycle and thrift stores. Honestly you don’t need much to start off with.
Im a minimalist anyway and it’s amazing how little we actually really need to live with.

I’m another poster who is amazed that your family helped you out with bed/mattress/sofa etc but nobody had a spare mug or bowl to give you?! Using paper plates is insane and really expensive! I’d get to the charity shop and buy a glass, mug, plate, cutlery and towels. Also, definitely get on Freecycle/Freegle and see what’s out there. Eating toast every meal so you can buy new stuff for your house is seriously crazy!

If things are that tight, can you definitely afford a two-bed place??

Is there a local Facebook 'reuse' group? People give away some great stuff.