To feel uncomfortable with unfunny jokes

[Mynamewasonce]

By unfunny jokes I don’t mean ones that are not to my personal taste or even offensive but ‘jokes’ that just have no humour, just designed to make someone feel awkward.

Why do people do it?

Round at my friends last night, asked if I could nip to the loo. Friend was in the kitchen so aimed the question at the partner.

’No.’
Pause then. ‘Course you can, it’s upstairs on the left.’

So in that pause you’re meant to titter nervously. Why why why?

Agree with others - if you'd said - "Sorry/ Excuse me/ umm/ - where's the loo?" - he'd have likely answered "Upstairs on the right". But you asked permission like a five year old - which is a bit awkward So he defused the awkwardness with a joke. It would have been more weird if he said "Yes - upstairs on the right" - like he was giving you permission - when it wasn't needed.
But I agree that humour is uncomfortable or worse when it isn't shared.

I hate this and it's always men who do it. They love the power of making a woman feel awkward and being able to pass it off as a "joke".

Oh this reminds me of a customer who comes imho our workplace regularly.

Him: You all right?
Us: Yes thank you. You?
Him: Well I’m actually half left. *grin
Us: Polite laugh but with a face like this

Every time.

We’re now onto him a bit more and prepared for when he comes in. Last time my colleague did this.

Him: you all right?
Colleague: I’m very well thanks.
Him: Well… oh… er… *realises his joke won’t quite work.

My exH was/ is like this. He gets it from his mother who hates the 'Can I...?'. She's a snobby pedant who also says the word toilet is base (she prefers loo or bathroom - ignoring my point that many toilets don't have a bath in them including one of ours🙄).

He's an otherwise great father so my teen DC just avoid using 'Can I...?"

However, OP'S original example is very commonplace- I even do it myself e.g. 16 yo mates of DS2 all stayed on Friday night. The polite 'Can I use the toilet?' was met with 'No, go into the garden'. Everyone knows it's a 'You don't need to ask me, we know you well and you're a friend not a stranger calling at the door asking'. Result= both smiling and teen feeling like he can use our house like his own. OP being very over-sensitive here - unless ND, although my ND DS3 would even know this is a joke.

I always find those kinds of deadpan quips amusing, so I’d have snorted. I would have picked up on you asking for permission to use the loo and said something similar, while laughing. I mean no harm, it’s just a bit of silly fun. I’d be mortified if I thought you were uncomfortable from it.

Conversely, my other half loves the lamest of dad jokes and it’s physically painful. He will come running downstairs when he hears a new one, just to make me groan. I secretly love it because he gets so excited at the thought of torturing me. It’s like an in-joke now.

Maybe just take it as he’s trying to be nice, joshing along with wife’s friend and probably has no idea that his humour is totally missing the mark. Just do your nervous titter and let it go.

@Mynamewasonce you sound difficult tbh... you need to lighten up for your own good...

It is a power play designed to mildly embarrass or discomfit the person asking.

Men do it to women.

Older people do it to younger ones.

Just mentally note that the person's a bit of an arse, if it comes up more than once.

There’s a saying - ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer!

If you are easily discomfited, you may not want to try this, but I have found it amusing, when told something was "just a joke" to become quite obtuse, and pursue an explanation in excruciating detail; "I don't get it, why is that funny? But why? Come on, I like a good laugh" etc.
It worked well on a tiresome male colleague who enjoyed clumsy attempts at innuendo, thinking I would be too embarrassed for a comeback, when I came over all "I come from a sheltered background, why is that funny?"
Or as PP's recommend, sigh internally and move on......

Absolutely ridiculous. Sometimes I can't believe some of the things on here. 🙄😆

Men do this to women. It’s not funny, just lame.

I wouldn’t either, and yes I find this annoying.

Agree it's annoying, especially when it's a bloke doing the 'joking'.
I can remember my friends' dads making these unfunny, pisstakey jokes when we were at high school. You'd have thought it would have died out by now!

Unfunny jokes like that make me cringe. My DP does it all the time and I can't bear it much longer. I have to stop myself from saying certain things to prevent the stupid cliched 'jokes'. I agree with you OP!

I say the same. Or "can I pour myself some water" from a jug I put on table for everyone. "No.... I brought it for you to just look at it. Of course, my dummy!"
I winder if it's some school trauma.
"Can i go to the toilet?"
"I don't know if you can but you may. Good luck"

You can just say "is your toilet upstairs?" Ir just say you going to loo.

And you are still thinking about it this morning?

I find this sort of 'humour' irritating. I realise it's not meant to be taken personally, but it just seems like such a boring waste of words. Oooh the banter. What's wrong with just accepting that the question wasn't quite perfect and giving a straightforward answer? It comes across as a bit condescending.

I think it's funny and eases social interaction. I can honestly say it would never have occurred to me that people would feel uncomfortable or upset about such lame and silly jokes. Roll their eyes, maybe.

I like silly jokes and puns. It's playful and friendly. I guess if you are very shy or socially awkward it might be harder to handle. But you can't expect people to change their communication style to suit you when they're not actually doing anything wrong.