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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Huffy husband ...

20 replies

ilovelamp2 · 26/02/2023 01:01

So after a lovely afternoon and evening watching SNT with family, husband gets randomly disgruntled after I empty/load dishwasher. What the actual hell? Apparently it's not what we normally do?! For info, daughter had just gone to bed, we were sitting in kichen/diner chilling, glass of wine. I've done nothing wrong. He said 'okay, I'm sorry' but then carried on giving me the silent treatment. I'm now in bed. What the hell just happened?!

So AIBR- pour the wine and initiate convo or AIBU and wait for him to apologise and make amends properly?

OP posts:
honeylulu · 26/02/2023 01:03

What don't you normally do? The dishwasher? When does he think it's allowed?

Aquamarine1029 · 26/02/2023 01:05

I don't even understand what the hell you're talking about. Not what you normally do? What?

Topseyt123 · 26/02/2023 01:10

I don't really follow. What is it about? What do you normally do/not do?

AlmostaMamma · 26/02/2023 01:12

What?

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 26/02/2023 01:12

Apparently I don't normally empty the dishwasher when we're chatting? Literally , no idea!

OP posts:
AlmostaMamma · 26/02/2023 01:15

ilovelamp2 · 26/02/2023 01:12

Apparently I don't normally empty the dishwasher when we're chatting? Literally , no idea!

And why is it a problem if you do? Have you asked?

Stopthebusplease · 26/02/2023 01:18

I'd tell him to stop being ridiculous and grow up!

Stopthebusplease · 26/02/2023 01:19

Having said that, I guess it could depend on whether he was in the middle of telling you something that he felt was important, and you just got up and walked away and started loading the dishwasher. If that were the case then I'd say he wasn't BU.

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 26/02/2023 01:21

Yeah - he just said, it's not what we normally do mid evening. I just don't think
it's an actual thing?! I was like, 'It beeped, I emptied it ' He asked if I wanted a hand, I said yeah sure. He didn't budge. Now I'm in the bad books?! No. Not having that!

So as not to drip feed, he does have a history of grump. I'm late 40s now and it's just exhausting. I really do love him but can't lie, sick of the moods.

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 26/02/2023 01:23

ilovelamp2 · 26/02/2023 01:12

Apparently I don't normally empty the dishwasher when we're chatting? Literally , no idea!

Just tell him to stop being such a dollop.

JFDIYOLO · 26/02/2023 01:24

I had one of those. The silent treatment. It can be quite frightening.

AlmostaMamma · 26/02/2023 01:31

ilovelamp2 · 26/02/2023 01:21

Yeah - he just said, it's not what we normally do mid evening. I just don't think
it's an actual thing?! I was like, 'It beeped, I emptied it ' He asked if I wanted a hand, I said yeah sure. He didn't budge. Now I'm in the bad books?! No. Not having that!

So as not to drip feed, he does have a history of grump. I'm late 40s now and it's just exhausting. I really do love him but can't lie, sick of the moods.

So, ask what the problem is.

He asked if I wanted a hand, I said yeah sure. He didn't budge.

Did you ask why he wasn’t budging?

Now I'm in the bad books?! No. Not having that!

So, what have you said?

So as not to drip feed, he does have a history of grump. I'm late 40s now and it's just exhausting. I really do love him but can't lie, sick of the moods.

Have you told him this?

RedAndBlueStripedGolfingUmbrella · 26/02/2023 01:33

ilovelamp2 · 26/02/2023 01:21

Yeah - he just said, it's not what we normally do mid evening. I just don't think
it's an actual thing?! I was like, 'It beeped, I emptied it ' He asked if I wanted a hand, I said yeah sure. He didn't budge. Now I'm in the bad books?! No. Not having that!

So as not to drip feed, he does have a history of grump. I'm late 40s now and it's just exhausting. I really do love him but can't lie, sick of the moods.

Yeah, see, that's the crux of it isn't it,?;
Thought on reading there must be a back story and whoomph there it is!
I'm late 40s too with a DH prone to being moody, tell him to go bollocks lol
You've done nothing wrong

Copperoliverbear · 26/02/2023 01:36

Just ignore his behaviour, don't give him too much attention, that's what he wants, he will get over it. X

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 26/02/2023 09:31

Well, we've both been awake a good hour now and still no apology ....

OP posts:
Stopthebusplease · 26/02/2023 10:21

So have you told him that you're sick of his moods OP? If not, why not?

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 26/02/2023 10:33

I have, yes, several times. Was ready to tell him again this morning too. He apologised as soon as he came downstairs and feels crap about how he behaved - sats he doesn't know why. I already had plans to go out with a friend today, so just going to try and enjoy that.

OP posts:
AuntieDolly · 26/02/2023 10:54

That's probably why then. He doesn't want you to enjoy your day out. Now you'll spend it thinking about this incident

purpledalmation · 26/02/2023 10:59

In his head it was disrespect to (in his head) not give him your full attention and unloading the dishwasher. It wasn't but he's clearly a bit of an arse. Learn to see this and walk away, go to bed, read a book and ignore.

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 26/02/2023 11:04

Hadn't thought of that ....but you could be right. I'm not going to let it ruin my day though - he can stew on his own!

OP posts:
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