to be so annoyed about this

[donewiththis3]

i have obvious skin problems, mainly a nasty type of psoriasis. Its obvious, its sore looking, and its extremely embarressing. I'm under dermatology who are struggling to control it and its way beyond the realms of moisturiser and steroid creams. Obviously im embarressed but i try to ignore it and live my life like a normal 30 year old. But my absolute pet peeve is people commenting on it and trying to be helpful. Just fuck off. I know my skin is bad, you know its bad, we all know its bad. I didnt ask for recommendations to fix it, yet people are so forthcoming with suggestions. Nobodys ever given me suggestions to control my asthma- they mind their own business, so why the f cant they do that with my skin. And its always stupid suggestions- they recommend something and i say thanks anyway but my dermatologist is controlling my treatment and they INSIST that i must try x y z moisturiser or that i need to avoid dairy and my problems will just disappear

At work on Friday I had a colleague who kept commenting how sore my skin looked and how much she felt sorry for me (and saying it in an annoyingly concerned sympathetic tone) and i just wanted to fucking scream. I know it looks bad. Everyone in the room knows it looks bad. Stop fucking going on about it. I kept subtly changing the subject but she kept bringing it back until eventually i said i didnt want to talk about it. then everyone acts as if im being moody by saying that, but why is it acceptable to comment on someones health condition, especially something visible and clearly embarressing? She kept insisting i need to use more moisturiser to stop my skin being so bad and that i NEED to drink more water (maybe i should drink more water with the steroid tablets im currently taking for the massive immune reaction my body has been having for the last fortnight) but yeah sure nivea will help!!!! That then started a huge office discusiion about comparing how dry our skin everyones skin gets in winter and everyone recommending moisturiser for me to use

its probably worsened by me already feeling sensitive about my skin, but bloody hell i felt worse after that. Its the concerned 'have you ever thought about using e45???' that always makes me laugh- no, that must have passed me by. never would have thought of that

sorry for the rant i just hate my skin and situations like this make it so much worse. has anyone else experienced similar?

This sounds awful OP. I don't have any wisdom to offer, only sympathy and really hope your dermatology treatment starts to make a difference really soon.

I'm really sorry op, that is beyond annoying. I have a physical problem (not visible) that's common but chronic for me and people aaaaalways try and give their (very shit) suggestions. You did the right thing in saying you didn't want to talk about it. Keep doing that. I'm sorry you're having to deal with morons though.

Jeez op I can absolutely 100% understand just how fucking annoying that is. People are just trying to be helpful as you know but I know that only makes it more irritating as you can’t just tell them to fuck off.

you Have my non irritating, non helpful sympathy with the skin (I have had psoriasis too) and with the arseholes (I’ve had all the advice too!)

Sorry OP, that sounds really tough. Unfortunately some people just have no tact and they also can be guilty of assuming you're doing nothing about your skin. Like someone with acne who just needs to wash their face apparently! I hope it starts to improve for you ASAP!

😢 that sucks op.
I agree with @BitOutOfPractice I've experienced similar with excema but I do have bouts without it so I get a reprieve at times.

That is really fucking annoying. If they persist when you've asked them to stop I'd ask with a concerned tone have they tried some thing to make their feet/ nether regions smell less... then watch them go into panic mode..

Oh yanbu at all - it’s beyond irritating! I avoid certain foods because of a chronic condition. I spent 20 minutes listening to a bloke from work ranting at me at my Christmas do about what I should eat to sort out my bacteria and it’s all down to that. I know!! I’ve spent years trying all sorts and frankly it’s just easier to avoid certain things than eat a jar of sauerkraut a day, people should keep their bloody advice to themselves, unsolicited advice is the absolute worst and I am so sorry you’re having to deal with it so constantly - because your skin is a visible organ people feel like they have a right to comment

….but have you tried..? Just kidding, no advice here just understanding of the frustration.

Need some good comebacks, I can’t think of anything witty but maybe you could say look I know you are trying to be helpful but drawing attention to it makes me feel worse and I’m having treatment thank you. Every time. Exhausting though, I totally get it.

My problem is under the care of a consultant dermatologist. As you rightly noticed it's not very comfortable so as you might imagine there are few things anyone can suggest I haven't already tried. It isn't really comparable to every day skin issues so while for your attempt to help might have a kind motive, all is really does is make me uncomfortable so I'd like to stop taking about it now.
That's what I'd like to say. But I've only ever done that once. It went well that time though.

sounds awful - people can be so insensitive

You shouldn't have to, in an ideal world people would mind their own business. but have you contacted the charity Changing Faces?
they may have more productive support than a bunch of us on here unhelpfully agreeing that your colleague is a PITA

"It's psoriasis. Your suggestions will not work, I am receiving treatment. Please stop bringing attention to it, I do not wish to discuss it".
Cut it dead. There's no need for people interfering with something they know nothing about. You don’t have to sound bitchy, but I certainly wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to. Clear statement. I hope it starts to get better, it's bad enough without dickheads weighing in.

I was having a discussion with a friend recently about how micro-aggressions are not specific to race and do not have to be pertaining to any protected characteristic.

This is a perfect example of someone's life bring blighted by the chronic onslaught of talk/looks/behaviour towards 1 given thing.

In this case its your skin. I've not had an experience as bad as yours but I do have 2 related topics that come up time and time again and I'm sick of it. Its also a no win situation. You either smile politely or call someone out. In your situation I'd be tempted to share my own helpful tips....

Carol, you do know that sandwich contains mayo which is very calorific. Have you thought about eating less calories. I've a book here you can borrow. My friend was even fatter than you and she lost loads of weight
Brian, have you thought about getting a hobby or perhaps not taking about your dogs....its just people might find you less boring and you might even get a girlfriend.
Sam. There's plenty of courses at the local college. They start you off on a really basic course then you go up a level. My neighbour's not very bright either and she'll be taking GCSEs in 2 years time.

Or sarcasm...what do you mean, my dkin. What's wrong with it? It's dry, red and angry. OMG thanks for telling me. What ever should I do?

Grrrr