Over the past two years I have been stuck in a toxic cycle with the BOY that I love with my whole heart. At the start it was good we would talk, have phone calls, have heart to hearts. He made me feel so special to him. This soon fizzled out, I’d be lucky to even get replies. This would soon turn into a long two years of on and of contact with him. Prior to this point I had only met him once, this is when he asked me for my social media details. After about 6 months of no contact we decided to give it a go, long story short we met the first time and he kept accusing me of having a “boyfriend”. He wasn’t the nicest to me either when meeting him and I spent majority of it arguing with him and crying. When he left he told me to never talk to him again, but I did I messaged him later that day and we spoke for a bit, I ended up getting blocked. The day after this I had my friend pull up his Facebook and I had seen he had gone into a relationship. I was so devastated, confused and hurt. I spent the next weeks after this trying to heal from the hurt, this was until I received a friend request from him.
we got back into contact, he told me the girl added her self into a relationship with him and that he did sleep with her but nothing else. My delusional self honestly fell for it, stupid of me I know. Days into the contact I was blocked again because I didn’t answer the phone quickly enough because I was with my friend and he did not believe this and wanted me to show him proof. Blocked me again because I wouldn’t show him a picture to prove I was with my mother. Once again I got unblocked and I told him that I can’t keep doing this, how he is psychically and mentally draining me. I do try to block him but I find it so hard to keep him blocked. I do know I need to let go but I’m finding it impossible I always end up getting dragged back in. ( there is a lot more that’s happened and I have posted before. Due to length of the post already I can’t post everything) I’ll insert some screenshots from our conversations from Snapchat (they might be quiet confusing to read, as we don’t really save chats, he’ll save something in the chat if he means it though) he doesn’t love me just the idea of me and I really have had enough. I am on a waiting list at the moment for therapy but I need some advice for the mean time whilst I wait for mental health help. I really do feel like I’m ready to let go of him now, regardless of the love I have for him I’ve woken up and realised that I painted a different image of who he really is in my head. I just don’t know how to heal and not go back because I have tried but obviously not hard enough.