AIBU for not cancelling work when DD was sick?

[2babies93]

DH and I have 2 daughters, 18 months and 3 years.

I work part time as an A&E nurse and was offered 3 extra night shifts last week. These would pay around my usual weekly rate per shift (so nearly doubling my monthly salary).

Before booking the shifts I discussed with DDs nursery and they agreed to have them the extra days needed (so I could sleep).

DH was happy to do all the other childcare that week - drop offs and pick ups + overnight stuff (we usually split it depending of shifts so not unusual for one of us to do 100% for a while). The extra shifts were 13 hours, so it wasn't possible for me to do anything.

When MIL found out DH was doing all the childcare she was very worried that he couldn't possibly cope with 2 DDs alone. She insisted on staying over. We both agreed, even though he didn't need help, there's no harm in an extra pair of hands.

After my first shift, all is well until around 4pm when DDs nursery called and my youngest had a fever therefore needed to come home (and couldn't return for 48 hours). DH picks her up and I went to work. MIL offered to look after DD during the day so I could sleep and so DH could go to work. She's retired so didn't loose out on working/wages. DH offered to pay her the nursery's daily rate and she refused.

I got home from shift 2 (around 9am) and MIL had sick DD, nursery has the other, so I went to sleep. Left for shift 3 in the evening. Then MIL complained to DH that I should've cancelled work to look after DD as she was sick. Said I was selfish for working an only cared about money.

DH stuck up for me and said that if she didn't want to look after DD then he would stay home from work. We need the money because I need a new car (ULEZ conpliant). MIL refused and said he needed to work, but that I should have cancelled as they were extra shifts.

DD had a low fever and was a bit snotty. She wasn't seriously ill and was fine with calpol.

So AIBU for working?

He needs to work but you don't? Obviously she's being ridiculous and sexist. Your husband aught to be insulted she felt the need to stay over because he couldn't possibly look after his own children by himself (but obviously has never had that concern about your ability to look after your own kids)

So frustrating when people automatically expect mum to make the sacrifices when it comes to work and childcare.

Toddlers get snotty, the world doesn’t need to stop. YANBU

MIL needs to butt out !

Of course yanbu

You shouldn't have let her come over. Don't let her again.

Is my mother-in-law treated me like that I'd make sure she regretted it
Who does she think she is, ducking bitch

your mil is a nasty sexist, are you sure you want her around your children. those toxic views are going to affect them sooner or later.

yanbu for working. very sensible to bag the extra when work is available. your dh is perfectly capable and needs to tell his mum to back the fuck off.

You’d be daft not to take incentive shifts, MIL is being judgy and stupid

At least your DH doesn't seem to have taken on her sexist views. He needs to be the one to put her straight that he considers your work just as important as his including any extra shifts arranged.
Not sure what your dh does but is it arguable that your work is actually more socially important than his and it would have more of a negative impact than if he didn't turn up for his?!

YANBU as you can do what as you please with your work schedule.

I'm more interested in how you juggle to kids at nursery. Bloody expensive

You never can win with that type of person, if you work, neglectful mother and if you don't work, golddigger

Judgy and sexist! My MIL is similar - even our children hate seeing her as she's always negative about everything they do - so I sympathise!

I'd be concerned about a misogynistic twat being around my children, but your DH seems to have survived being brought up by her without being brainwashed.
Ignore her sexist comments.

Of course you are not unreasonable. I wouldn’t involve her at all next time.

Good that your DH handled it well.

@notapizzaeater this. It’s none of her business. My parents barely would have worked, if they took time off every time I had a snotty nose as a child

My MIL once asked why I wasn't making dinner once when she happened to ring when I was at work. Another time saying "she would miss her children if she had done that" when I put them in childcare so I could work. Boiled my piss. She needs to go to fuck to be honest.Good on your DH for defending you.

I’d tell MIL to fuck off back to the 1950s with that attitude.

I would say that you trust DH to be competent and reliable parent enough parent to either make decisions or look after your children- do you not think he is MIL?

Your mother in law is a sexist twat.

Sounds like MIL is regretting her offer to help! She's being ridiculous for not saying she's struggling to look after poorly toddler and is instead trying to blame you for her shortcomings.