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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I feel like the world is ending. I’m scared

34 replies

Lanzy · 25/02/2023 03:38

I gave birth recently, my first born. I’m worrying about her future, hopefully that’s natural but know maybe it’s becoming too much. I have anxiety which I think many do and I realise I’ll probably sound silly on this thread but I think I need some positive/reassurance or even if people can explain.

I’m really struggling with the news at the minute - I don’t watch the TV news but I do use social media and right now every video or thing that is popping up is the below and a lot of conspiracys which I’m just hoping it’s all rubbish but then every video is that just now so I’m scared. I know many would say speak to GP but tried that and I’m just given mindful exercises or tablets

World war 3 - with what’s going on with ukraine, russia but now USA and china. Each time it looks like we’re getting closer to it. Especially USA wise as now they’ve got involved with something else that will annoy China?

That women and children are going to be in danger with all these men (refugees) already news of stuff happening, apparently as it’s all men that it’s gearing for army? (Sounds ridiculous to say)

Food shortages - I keep seeing videos on people preparing and getting emergency stuff ready. Why? Again this worries me!

Climate change - earthquakes, weather etc. Turkey earthquake and now Wales?

videos just of that world is ending

I’m scared and know it all sounds but yeah..

OP posts:
beccahamlet · 25/02/2023 03:44

I am sorry you are feeling so anxious. I think to a certain extent it's a response to being a new mother.
It's quite normal to feel protective about the sort of world you've brought your baby into.
Hopefully you'll settle soon and see things in a more positive light, but if you don't you should go back to the doctor.
Lots of luck with your lovely new baby.

WombatsAndGumTrees · 25/02/2023 03:47

Now that you have this new precious person, you are probably just more aware of the world and your protective instincts are raging. Keep an eye on it as this is a time you should be enjoying with your new baby, not feeling very anxious. Ask for help elsewhere if you don't feel your doctor is taking you seriously.

Be aware the world hasn't changed, your awareness just has. These things have always happened and the life goes on day to day.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 25/02/2023 03:54

Is this your first experience if the world is ending rhetoric? I was worried at 17 when it was the gear 2000 and we were sure the world would end. Then loads of shit that's happened since. Basically I don't think the world is ending, I'm concerned regarding Russia etc but I have no control ovwr it, I could feed us on tinned veg and packages food well enough for a bit if produce runs short, as could mist of us.

I think you probably have postnatal anxiety, it's. A horrible feeling.

The reason all of your videos are conspiracy theories us you're engaging with them so the algorithm on Facebook etc sends you more similar videos. Nothing more nothing less. My current fees is all tik too comedy reels and gentle parenting reels because I watch those videos the whole way through and skip others for example.

hippygirllucky · 25/02/2023 03:58

I had sort of the same, but in a different way. I became obsessed with keeping the house clean, especially the floors (for a newborn?!). Your mind sort of fixes on things it perceives as dangerous and won't let go. For me, I took the pills and had psychotherapy because it got to the point where I couldn't sleep and, eventually, I wanted to kill myself because I couldn't keep on top of the thoughts.

You will perhaps know whether you're likely to go that far, by be careful, your mind is in turmoil at the moment. It will settle down, but get help if you need to. I spoke to IPPS, a infant parent perinatal service, and they had a mental health worker come check in on me every week to make sure I wasn't spiralling.

It's an excess of love that you're feeling now, so don't feel guilty but do make sure that you try and get it more balanced out. It will come.

Good luck! And congratulations :)

Silvermoonqueen · 25/02/2023 03:59

I felt I had to reply to you OP, as I had very similar fears as you when my son was born . He is 25 on Sunday ! I became unwell with this fear and anxiety and it was a form of post natal illness.
I think it is basically your mind and body becoming aware of the world around us and our natural instinct to protect our child is skewed .
In my case, it was a build up to Kosovo and Iraq I think which was very real as are your fears.
Someone told me once that all the main countries like the US, UK , Russia and China are all too self interested in making money to have a nuclear war.
Please speak with your doctor as a matter of urgency or your health visitor as they can give you medication that can help stabilise your thought processes.
Congratulations on having your beautiful baby - you sound such a lovely mum and I am sure your wee one has such a nice future with you . Take care

Coyoacan · 25/02/2023 04:09

I am nearly seventy and when I was young I was too scared to bring a child into the world because of the atom bomb. Now I am a grandmother.

Enjoy every second and minute of your baby. Nobody knows how long we or our children are going to live, so as parents all we can do is make their lives as enjoyable as possible while also teaching them the skills and giving them the moral compass they will need for adulthood.

Posyapocalypse · 25/02/2023 04:13

I totally agree that it’s very normal to be anxious when you become a parent. That sense of total responsibility for this precious new person can feel overwhelming even if you aren’t usually anxious. If you do have anxiety then it’s not surprising it’s raised at the thought of all these factors that are out of our control.

The more you read stuff on social media, the more similar content comes up so everywhere you look you are getting more and more reinforcement of the things you are worried about. Can you stay off social media or search for calming, uplifting things? Anything at all that is unchallenging, funny, interesting to you, heartwarming etc. The more you look for other stuff, the more the algorithms will suggest similar stuff.

Breathing exercises are good. Get a metronome app and breathe in through your nose for 4 seconds. Hold your breath for 7 seconds and breath slowly out your mouth for 8 seconds. Just counting the seconds of the breaths, really slows your mind and body down. I do this for 5 mins in the morning and before bed.

You don’t say how recently you had your baby or whether you felt this anxious before your pregnancy and birth, but if you are struggling to manage all the upsetting thoughts by changing your social media content, not listening to the news and looking and listening to calming, nice stuff, don’t suffer in silence. Speak to your GP or HV. It’s not uncommon to feel this way and it doesn’t sound silly at all.

cariadlet · 25/02/2023 04:17

I think the stress of a newborn (and presumably the exhaustion that comes with having a baby) has added to your existing anxiety and has, understandably, led you to get things out of proportion.

I'm on the app on my phone so can't see your post while I'm typing so will just reply to what I can remember.

Climate change - that's the serious one. As individuals we just need to do our bit by reducing our direct and indirect use of fossil fuels. Governments need to step up. As a new mum, you don't have the time or energy to campaign so let that one go.

War: the situation in Ukraine is terrible for Ukrainians. Donate if you can afford to. It won't lead to a 3rd World War.

I lived through the Cold War in the 80s. My Mum lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis in the 60s. There we were times of tension when it felt as though the world was going to end. It didn't. It won't.

Food shortages: Brexit, supply chain issues, Ukrainian war, poor harvests etc have all caused problems. Lots of gaps on the shelves.

BUT there is still still a lot of food in the supermarkets. We don't have a lack of food; we have a lack of choice. Over the last few decades, we've got used to the idea of being able to buy whatever food we want whenever we want to. We have become divorced from the idea of seasonalality. We just need to adjust our shopping and cooking habits.

Refugees: people who endure long, dangerous journeys to come to the UK do so out of desperation and a desire for a better, safer life. They don't come across specifically to attack British women and girls.

Most are decent. Some are nasty, violent, mysogynistic shits - just as is true of men who are born in the UK.

If you worry that male refugees pose a major risk , it's probably down to a mental shortcut called the availability heuristic.

If you see a newspaper or tv report about a male refugee or asylum seeker who has committed a rape or sexual assault, the report will mention his background. If there is another case, the background will be mentioned and you'll notice that there's been another case.

But if a rapist is born in the UK, that won't be newsworthy, won't be mentioned and your subconscious won't be noting how many men there are who are born in the UK and have attacked women.

Similarly, there won't be many newspaper or tv reports about the majority if male refugees and asylum seekers who are quietly getting on with their lives, studying or working, bringing up families etc so you won't have a stock of those mental images to counter balance the other ones.

Try to find someone to talk to in real life about how difficult you are finding things so that you can manage your worries and start enjoying your time with your baby.

Sending a virtual hug!

Threee · 25/02/2023 04:18

Op please come off social media and concentrate on enjoying nice times with your little one. You can always WhatsApp photos and updates. Find a good book to read or a new hobby if there’s time yo fill.

TrickorTreacle · 25/02/2023 04:20

In the nicest way possible, YABU I'm afraid.

People like myself were alive back in the 1980s, in a time when the threat of nuclear war was real.

RettyPriddle · 25/02/2023 04:45

Most new mums feel a bit anxious. Can you talk to a female relative, that you trust, about how you’re feeling? Immerse yourself in your home and family. Come off social media; just use WhatsApp for photo sharing and Mumsnet for support and advice. The happiest people I know aren’t active on Facebook/Instagram etc. Also for self help with anxiety, try meditation. It absolutely transforms the cycle of intrusive thoughts. You can start simply with fifteen minutes a day. But I would reach out to someone in real life and tell them how you’re feeling. Also remember, that relatively speaking, if you’re in the UK, you’re safe and secure. X

WandaWonder · 25/02/2023 05:00

Worry about these things won't stop anything if the world is going to end it will, do you want to look back on your child life a d feel you wasted it by worrying?

Sure new mums have a child to care so there is a reasonable change but if you are genuinely as afraid as you are coming across maybe counselling should help, the idea of 'new mum anxiety' to dismiss actual issues is not helpful, sure I feel the world has gone bad but it it kept in perspective

DipsyLaLaPo · 25/02/2023 05:10

Uninstall apps like tik tok and news paper apps, twitter and insta just for a few months. Keep Facebook but snooze anyone who posts stuff that makes you worry.

Just for now. I can't tell you how amazing it if for your mental health. Just a little detox. You'll be able to go back to it later and treat it with the levity it deserves. Until you need another detox.

Get an audiobook or kindle book for your entertainment for now instead. Switch off and enjoy your newborn bubble!

donttellmehesalive · 25/02/2023 05:28

YABU. Look at history and all of the awful things over the years. Things happen, the world adapts, learns, moves on. On balance, things are better than they were 50 or 100 years ago so progress is made. Stop avoiding the news. Inform yourself to gain perspective. As pp have said, anxiety and new parenthood will be exacerbating this.

Elsie296 · 25/02/2023 05:43

My grandmother always used to tell me that having a child felt like your heart was walking around outside your body. You are describing exactly how that feels, everything is suddenly a danger. I saw danger everywhere- I'm a terrible backseat driver now that I have little ones in the car, some family members do not make it through my front door and devices are monitored at MI5 level Grin I don't think what you are experiencing is abnormal, just incredibly heightened at the moment- a previous poster highlighted the algorithms on your social media- try to change this by watching videos about your interests. My dh's tiktok is a completely different place to mine because we engage with different content all the time.
One thing that has helped me is making peace with the notion that I cannot control a thing beyond my home and family. If the worst were to happen, I would not be alone. I'm not naive enough to think that there are no more world-changing events ahead of us, but what's the point of wasting the years in between by worrying and stressing? I think the situation in Ukraine has shown us how life can change overnight.
Definitely change your current online influences, join me in watching boring London walking tours, or historical fact files online! I once got into a 'nightmare neighbour' algorithm and spent weeks feeling really hostile towards my neighbours for absolutely no reason. It's scary how they can infiltrate your mind and behaviour.

milkyaqua · 25/02/2023 05:58

DipsyLaLaPo · 25/02/2023 05:10

Uninstall apps like tik tok and news paper apps, twitter and insta just for a few months. Keep Facebook but snooze anyone who posts stuff that makes you worry.

Just for now. I can't tell you how amazing it if for your mental health. Just a little detox. You'll be able to go back to it later and treat it with the levity it deserves. Until you need another detox.

Get an audiobook or kindle book for your entertainment for now instead. Switch off and enjoy your newborn bubble!

This. Remove anything that feeds the anxiety. These are difficult times.

lljkk · 25/02/2023 06:30

The more you engage with those scare-mongering videos the more Facebook-Insta-tiktok-Twitter-Rumble will fill your feed with them. You have control: you can stop them. Stop liking. Do not comment. Go to the 3 ... at top & say "I don't like this" every single time. Get that crap off your SM because you literally just said how much you don't like them.

Or anything that you don't like seeing, all the depressing shit. Get rid.

OMG12 · 25/02/2023 06:30

Firstly, congratulations regarding your baby. Yes I would recommend having a chat with your GP.

if it helps you’re bound to be more nervous now you have an investment into the longer term future of the planet/ (your baby will most likely out live you).

People have been convinced they were living in the end of times for thousands of years (I think partly because they can’t imagine the world continuing without them- Surveys continually show many people think the world will end in their life time, this is not a new thing, history is littered with claims of imminent apocalypse- the world was definitely going to end in 2012 remember ). Everything we are now seeing has happened before- some of it good and some of it bad. But that’s the way it’s always been. If you look at the Italian Renaissance you could barely move for people professing the end is nigh. Listen to this podacast and see all the comparisons with today. As we know the end of the world didn’t occur in the 1500s. Just like 15tg/16th C Italy We are experiencing rapid and obvious social change at the moment. These sorts of times bring uncertainty but like before we will just plough onwards. But people generally react the sane way to change, it’s nothing new.

it’s easy to dive down rabbit holes re conspiracy theories. But there’s always been a powerful elite controlling the masses throughout history, it’s just we are now under an illusion that we are completely free then people get surprised we aren’t. Humans don’t change that much, People used to be controlled through religion and basic needs like the availability of food, shelter and heat. Nothing has really changed except the Gods being worshipped, but then gods have always changed. Acknowledging that helps in that we basically are the same as we’ve been for thousands of years.

bring your child up to be curious, to have critical thinking rather than be critical of thought. Concentrate on how you can help the world through your child snd they can do the same - you have the ability for your legacy to carry on through generations - what do you want your legacy to be?

Prettybutdumb · 25/02/2023 06:37

I’ve been through that. There were a few terrorist incidents when I had my little one and I couldn’t get on public transport in London without feeling absolutely terrified. Moving away from people with backpacks etc.

In the end I told my husband London isn’t the place to bring up children and we moved to the most remote village you can’t imagine. We came back after less than 2 years. 😁

PandasAreUseless · 25/02/2023 07:40

You are being VERY unreasonable to use social media and Mumsnet as your source of news 🤦🏼‍♀️

dontcallitsavvyb · 25/02/2023 07:46

I think this is one of the least discussed effects of parenthood (not sure if it happens to blokes). I remember feeling exactly the same with my first, particularly at night. Just before I drifted off to sleep I would start imagine these horrific scenarios involving my son, like us being caught up in a terrorist attack, being on a plane that went down etc. Stories involving children being mistreated etc would stay with me for days. It does get better but I had to recognise what triggered me and avoid. When intrusive thoughts would pop into my head before I went to sleep I would consciously shut them down and recognise them as unwanted and unhelpful. I avoid too much news, I think we are saturated by the 24 hour news cycle so I don’t seek it out. I bury my head in the sand to an extent. It also helped me to look at stats like the chances of being in a plane crash, to help rationalise.

I have so much admiration for people working in certain professions like SW when they have children. I work in cancer care but for adolescents, I avoid our childrens cancer wards as much as possible. I wonder when mine are older if I will find myself struggling to look after the older ones. OP if you don’t find it improves or is overwhelming you do discuss with a HV, GP. You wont be the first xx

MarshaBradyo · 25/02/2023 07:54

lljkk · 25/02/2023 06:30

The more you engage with those scare-mongering videos the more Facebook-Insta-tiktok-Twitter-Rumble will fill your feed with them. You have control: you can stop them. Stop liking. Do not comment. Go to the 3 ... at top & say "I don't like this" every single time. Get that crap off your SM because you literally just said how much you don't like them.

Or anything that you don't like seeing, all the depressing shit. Get rid.

Yes control your intake

It’s sending you on a roller coaster emotionally and you can feel better without that

junebirthdaygirl · 25/02/2023 08:12

I had my oldest dc when lraq invaded Kuwait and my dh was obsessed with watching progress. It really made me so anxious as all l could think of was my beautiful baby coming into such a horrible world. When the music came on for the news my heart started pounding and l had to leave the room.
There is such a massive protective instinct in us as mother's that can go into overdrive.
Even in the animal world mothers can get so anxious protecting their young.

Definely stay off everything and wrap yourself in a bubble until you pass this stage. Watch cheerful movies and light reading. Mind yourself.

Abreezeitheglade · 25/02/2023 08:18

I remember being convinced the Islamic Caliphate was going to attack England and steal my baby. Think you always feel extra vulnerable after giving birth so switch the news off and enjoy your baby.

MrsHughesPinny · 25/02/2023 08:39

The world is in a scary place at the moment but it often is.

I had terrible post-natal anxiety and my maternity leave coincided with them switching the large hadron collider on for the first time. I seriously made my (now-ex) DH stay home with us in case of Armageddon.

My health visitor helped me a lot, may be worth talking to them if you have a good relationship?