I posted in 'adoption' but not sure if that's the right one to post on

[lightsonallon]

I posted this in 'adoption' but not sure if that was the right section as this isn't about a child I've adopted etc. so thought I'd post here too.

I don't know if this would be interfering but thought I'd post on here to see peoples views, or to get some advice.

A couple of weeks ago, my auntie told me that my nana (her mum) had another baby who she gave up for adoption. This will have been over 50 years ago. My nana doesn't know that I know. The only reason my auntie has told me is because she's worried about what will happen with my nana's will and house when she passes.

The baby who was adopted wrote to my nana several years ago a couple of times and she came to visit once. She sends my nana Christmas cards.
My auntie told me today that my nana also writes cards for her daughter who was adopted but my auntie doesn't send them, but she tells my nana that she does.

I felt so sad when she told me this. Because my nana would be hurt if she knew this, and I'm sad to think her adopted daughter might think she never bothers to send cards or stay in touch.

My auntie is a very negative and aggressive person. She doesn't want me to have any information about the adopted daughter. She says she can't remember her second name and she can't remember her address, only roughly the area she lives.

I suppose I'm wondering if there is anything I can do. I would like to speak to my nana about it but my auntie makes sure she's always there so that I can't have private conversations with my nana, so I'm never alone with her

My auntie told me today that my nana also writes cards for her daughter who was adopted but my auntie doesn't send them, but she tells my nana that she does.
Oh my God that's appalling! Can you talk to your nan and see if you can take over posting things for her? And make sure she's lodged a copy of her will with a solicitor? I had an aunt like this and she conned my dad out of his whole inheritance (a flat in the centre of London) and lied about it all after my nan died.

I’d find a way to talk to your nana alone and tell her, this is awful.

If you don't get left alone with your nana then you're going to have to ask with her there.

Just say "Do you have Xs last name and address please, I'd love to get to know her" and make sure you get it while you're there.

Your auntie is getting away with this because there's nobody to speak up, it's going to have to be you.

OP, you'll get well considered advise on the Adoption board, it doesn't move very fast but there are many posters who have a wealth of knowledge and are happy to share it.

That’s so appalling. I’m an adoptive mum and I’m just horrified. And it’s elder abuse, of your Nan. I don’t know what to advise.

Is your own mum in the picture?

That should be a criminal offence

That’s horrid of your aunt

I'm really worried of how my auntie would react if I said anything to my nana in front of her. She would probably go ballistic.
My nana has no idea that I know about the adoption.

@CharlieSays13
Thank you. I have also posted on there.

@Rainallnight
My mum doesn't have contact with my nana. She's my dads mum and my dad has died.