This is fair right?

[Whattodonut]

DH works 5 days in 4 (ie full week compressed into 4 days). I work 4 days in 4. I earn about 2/3rd of what he does.
We each have one day a week with pre-school DD- 3 days at Pre-school. Also have 2 older DDs at school.
I do mornings except his day off. He does 1/2 pick ups depending on where I am working (I move around and if I'm close enough I pick up, if not he does).
Older DDs have clubs which we share about equally.
He does all the laundry (we both hate it but he does it)
I do all cooking
We have a cleaner come once a fortnight but I do all other cleaning.

He does most of the diy. I do most of the admin and all the kids admin.

Does that seem like a fair division? Is that enough info to say?
Reason I ask is I've been told I ask too much of him which I didn't think I did but he does work longer days

Guess so!

It seems fair to me - he works longer hours but you do more around the house. What if, instead of adding up the things each of you do, you focused on the amount of free time each of you has? Would it be about the same?

Were you told you ask too much of him by him? Or someone else his mum?

So you do 4/5 mornings, 1/2 pick ups, and all the cooking.

He does 1/5, 1/2 pick ups and all the laundry (5 loads a week?)

Who shops and cleans the kitchen after the meal?

It sounds a lot fairer than many households I know of, including my own.

Thanks
It seems fair to me.

My mum not his. 😁

And yes we have equal free time (although I find mornings stressful which he never has!)

If he had said it I would maybe re-assess but as it's your mum you can safely ignore.

It's really none of her business how your marriage operates.

He isn't a complainer! I'd hate to think I was taking advantage

Are you both happy with the split?

I think you can tell just by how much free time you both have. If one of you is regularly sat watching tv whilst the other is busy doing stuff for the family (working, commuting, housework, childcare, running errands, admin) then it's not fair. If it works out about even, then that's fine

We're both exhausted but I think so

Taking advantage?!

It sounds like a healthy modern partnership. Sadly rare.

A lot of people are jealous so attack couples who are managing to live in 2023 rather than 1953...

If you are both happy with this split of work they carry on. I'd only change if he was unhappy and complaining. Sounds fair to me.

Seems fair to me. He works more hours, you do more of the other stuff.

Seems fair to me.

My mum is of the older generation and she works 10 hours week so does all the housework etc etc.

She is scandalised I don't have a meal in the table for my DH every night.

Because I work from home it's seen as I should do as im at home. Im chained to my desk all day I can't do it.

I have the same but opposite with my DH (he's part time, I'm compressed). We work off same amount of free time, so I spend several evenings working and he spends them doing house stuff.

Tell your mum to wind her neck in. Mine is like that, thinks DH is an absolute saint every time he cooks or changes a nappy.

My mum thinks my husband is an absolute saint because he does all the cooking. I do all the laundry, all the cleaning and all the admin, he also does the gardening.

My mum spends a lot of time telling me I'm lazy, my DH does too much, she always says how sorry she feels for him

In the same conversation she will moan my dad doesn't do enough, even though he does half the cooking, all the gardening and most of the cleaning🙄

This. All good.

Your mum can get her beak out!

@ConfusedNT is your mum my mum?

Thanks all. Will stop worrying and carry on