to be upset that my mum thinks that as a size 12 I am not considered 'slim'

[Blossomhill]

I was having a conversation with my mum. It got onto my size. I have been going to the gym loads lately and was telling mum that I was upset as I couldn't get into these jeans I wanted. I said to mum that it upset me as I felt I was slim. She goes hmmm, you're not slim anymore. I was a size 8 a few years back.
Just upset me and I needed to rant! My mum is usually lovely but when it's anything to do with my weight etc she isn't really.

YANBU but I have to say I knew someone who thought herself a size 10.
She was if she wore her jeans really low and let her stomach without cover hang over. It did not look good.
Telling her in a nice way and being tactful didn't work, given that the next day I got so many phone calls about her outfit.

If you really look good then tell anyone who says otherwise to sod off!!

Do you know what though. I am a size 10-12, 5ft3 BUT I still have a problem showing my body especially when swimming etc. DH says my body is good, but I cannot accept it at all, how weird?? Yet there are women with size 16+ bodies who have no problems showing their bodies in swimsuits. Maybe I am just strange?

What is it about mothers and weight?

When I was planning my wedding (and a size 12), she asked me if I was planning to wear shapewear under my dress .

I think it's warped. I actually avoid my mum when I'm feeling podgy because she'll look me up and down disapprovingly. Like now - I am a size 14 .

If I ever compliment her on an item of her clothing she always tells me what size it is. Usually an 8.

I am 5ft 8 and weigh 11 stone! So I know I am not super skinny but still Mum be supportive fgs!

Your BMI is 23.42, so you are an ideal weight for your height. Put that in your mum's pipe, and request, politely, that she smoke it.

BH you certainly sound like you are slim if you lost any weight you'd probably be all boney. Mums don't ya love them - not!

Yes tenaciousg, my mum is a bit odd isn't she. She was wearing jeans recently and when I said it was nice to see her in jeans she immediately said, yes, they're a size 8. .

TBH she and her sister are the vainest women I have ever met. They were both real beauties in their day, and so I think it's how they define themselves. My aunt literally only ever talks about make up and clothes. She really struggles with her weight which yo-yos, while my mum is tiny. Whenever I ask my mum how my aunty is doing my mum always starts off with how fat/slim aunty is. I really hope I don't pass on issues like this to my daughter!

I know I'm being disloyal to my mum here but hey, that's what MN is for isn't it, to vent.

IME:

mum + adult daughter + discussions about weight = anger, frustration and an irrational desire to kill mother

God, this is making me sad. I look at my little girl and she's the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on. I'm sure I'll still think that in 30 years time, even if she's won a world record for most tattoos or something. I'm so lucky that my mum thinks I'm much more gorgeous than I actually am - isn't that what mums are supposed to do?

My mum never mentions anyone without referring to their weight. She was REALLY uncomfortable with me being pregnant the first time and three days after the birth was telling me (supposingly jokingly) to get back to my exercises. When I wore a wraparound skirt about a week after the birth she asked 'is that the only thing that fits you?'. Mums eh?

YANBU, your Mum, however, sounds like alot of other mums who just can't seem to realise that their child's weight is non of their business.

At my biggest (just before my wedding) I was a size 16 my mum told me that she and my dad cried themselves to sleep with worry about my health. I am 5ft7 and although I know it was overweight I wasn't about to die FFS!

Anyway after being so ill during pregnancy that I lost 3 stone she just kept telling me how gorgeous I was looking now I was thin.

Just so that you know according to Dear Mother, FlipFlops are the route of all weight problems.. If I wore heals more then I would be thinner (round the house looking after a toddler - Yeah right!)