AIBU to enforce supervised visits?

[saymynameagain]

NC as very very identifying.

Ex hasn't seen DC's for three years due to him physically assaulting me and just diss apt from the face of the earth. Last year, a solicitor contacted me to try and arrange visits for DC's. I said I was happy for contact to resume via telephone but would like supervised contact initially for a couple of months (as DC's haven't seen dad for three years and they witnessed the abuse). This was all agreed and the solicitor signed it off.

Telephone contact was going very well and DC's were happy to be in contact with dad. However, ex (the dad) started to use the telephone contact initially to have conversations with me which shut down quickly and that stopped..for a while.

After a while, ex began to message me constantly and wanted to find out my whereabouts. Therefore, he came to DC's school unannounced. He claims that it was because he wanted to see the DC's but he only came to the school as he knows that I will be there and he wanted to see what I was doing.

After a while, DC's asked that he would like to start supervised visits. To be fair, I have taken a whole to start this as I will be the one responsible to put and money is a bit tight- so of course his angry about that as it isn't started yet.

Then recently DC's dad has been calling my phone approx 10 times a day. He wants to know what I'm doing, who I'm talking to, he told me that I cannot be in a relationship with anyone else as he would not stomach the idea of someone being "inside of me" and does not want the DC's to have a step dad. He said that he will not allow me to move on.

Now for this past week, DC's dad has been complaining that I have been taking a while to sort out supervised visits and he has now decided that he is not interested in doing supervised visits and wants to see his DC's freely. I told him no- that it is be at to do things properly for DC's sake and see how it goes. He is refusing to do this. He said only sex offenders are required to do supervised visits and that his eldest DC, 14, is too old for this. He is giving me an ultimatum, and gets irate on the phone. He keeps asking me that "am I not allowing him to see his DC's- am I stopping (him) from seeing his DC's". I tell him "no- but he has to do supervised visits" and I'm just getting all insults and threats. But bottom line he is not agreeing to this and wants un regular access to the DC's. Please let me know if IABU. I am sat here crying, as I do not know what to do- I'm trying to think of the best interests for the DC's but I want to keep myself space. Please advice and tell me what I'm doing wrong.

He doesn't have resource to public funds and is not entitled to benefits and is unable to work. He is refusing to do supervised visits so I don't know what to do. Should I just let the DC's seem him anyway.

NO!
Wait for the supervised visits and cut off all other contact with him, apart from phone calls with the children if they want them.
He is not co-operating with what is good for anyone apart from himself. He is making your life a misery and deserves no further help from you.
Stay strong, you're doing the right thing.

No ffs you don't just hand your children over to someone because they threaten you do what the police said and take it back to family court

Do not hand over your children to a man who has threatened to murder you and has stalked you! He's dangerous!

Absolutely this.

He's not interested in his children, he wants to control you.

He doesn't have resource to public funds and is not entitled to benefits and is unable to work.

This is a 'him' problem. Not a you problem.

In other words, it's not your problem to solve. Especially given the history between you.

Your children are not footballs to be played with. Protect them, as you have so far. No court would blame you for that.

Just received a text saying that if I do know give him access to the DC's by the end of the week then I deny him, then he would hurt me.

Well then, that's your answer.

If I were you, I would be talking to the police about this in the first instance, then blocking him from your phone/ devices and your children's phone/ devices.

This person is dangerous.

And now you go to the police with actual evidence of his controlling ways and potential violence towards you.

Do NOT let your children see him.

@saymynameagain

It may also help you to do the freedom programme.

freedomprogramme.co.uk/

Yeah you have no choice but to go to the police now OP.

Report the whole shebang to the police.

Likely his response will give you plenty of reason to cut him off altogether..

Please show that text to the police. Please do not give into him. He can’t be trusted with unsupervised contact. The supervision is not just to make sure everyone is physically safe but mentally safe as well.

if I was you I would be very worried about what he might do to the children if he had access. If he’s saying he wants to hurt you then I would think he’s entirely capable of hurting your children in order to hurt you. Report to the police and do not allow access.

@saymynameagain

Just remember, he has NO rights here. As a parent, he has responsibilities to his children. As do you. Any spending time arrangements are for the benefit of the children, not the parent.

If he can't behave himself, it won't benefit them. Therefore, you don't have to bend anyways facilitate it.

@saymynameagain

What did the police say?

Or refusing to give them back to control you

Jesus OP, you DO NOT let this man have access to your children. He's now threatened to hurt you. Get on the phone to the police immediately. Do not put your children at risk. Give him access anyway? Why would you do that????

Oh love. You need to report this to the police. Today. Right now.

He is losing control of the situation and his threats are escalating. You have already suffered violence from this man, and he is making serious threats against you.

I would stop all forms of communication now, hand it over to the police and a solicitor. You need to protect your dc - and this means keeping YOU safe.

Yes, he IS their father, and they do have a right to a relationship with him, but he is a violent man who is threatening you. Withdrawal of contact until the police and ss/cafcas say otherwise would absolutely be OK.

Look after yourself. Please do report op. I know how hard it is x