DCs dad didn’t see them for 2 years, his choice. He got in contact recently and asked to see them again. He saw them once and hasn’t seen them since, it’s been 2 months now. I wasn’t aware he wasn’t planning on sticking around but here we are. He speaks to the older 2 on the phone very occasionally but doesn’t ask to see them and he use to text me to ask how younger DC was but now doesn’t anymore. He rarely speaks to the DC on the phone, he doesn’t call he only WhatsApp them, he didn’t message either of them for a month. He messaged about a month ago saying he would come to see them on a certain day but didn’t show up, didn’t cancel and didn’t message again until a month later. But like I said he’s made no other arrangements to see them since then and from what I can tell he does not intend to.
My oldest is 12 next month and is autistic/adhd and has some LD she has always struggled with the fact her father doesn’t bother with her, it’s been really difficult over the years and has caused a lot of upset, she use to ask me to meet someone so she could have a dad. She’s never been a child that hasn’t been bothered by their father not being involved it’s always really upset her. Anyway she spoke to him on whatsapp yesterday which she initiated and then kept calling him, when she came off the phone she kept trying to leave the house to “find her dad” because she “needs a dad” she was putting her coat and shoes on. I had to stop her but she was crying and getting upset telling me to let her go to her dads house (she hasn’t been to his house since we split up because he would never take them and would only see them at my house so she hasn’t been there in 6 years) he lives nowhere near us it’s 2 hours away and she does not know where he lives, due to her needs she obviously can’t travel there herself. I had to stop her but she was getting upset.
My ex doesn’t seem to understand that his absence is upsetting the children and I honestly think he would be more than happy to just text them on the phone once a month and never see them again. I’ve spoken to him in the past about seeing them but it always ends in an argument and then he stops contact so I’m not going to chase him or force him to be involved. I’ve left the door open for contact but he’s made zero effort to see them. When he didn’t see them for 2 years he would text me every few months asking how they are but never once asked to see them, I’m assuming this is now what he wants to do with them have some kind of phone relationship with them. I don’t like the upset this is causing dd and I don’t want to see her upset begging her father to see her, I’m also now worried about her trying to run away to see him. I don’t think this “contact” is benefiting her in anyway and just causing more upset she can’t understand this situation she can’t understand why he doesn’t want to see her, I hate to see my child crying asking me why he dad doesn’t want to see her, I think most children even NT children would struggle to understand why their father only wants to speak to them on the phone so it’s even harder for dd to understand. Would it be wrong for me to stop the phone contact?