Hi
My baby's father and I have been through an awful time the last year. Finally I've stood up to him (we don't live together) and went through CMS for payments as he wasn't paying and I thought the narcissist in him would leave but instead, me showing he couldn't control me broke him down a little. He's been having CBT for the past 6 weeks and continuing.
While I haven't put a label on whatever it is that's going on, I do still love him and I told him I'll support him in ways I can while he's receiving CBT, as I need him to be a handy good Dad for our baby. We've been spending time together, we've kissed and it feels quite coupley.
However, I'm very aware that this is a man that has left me after receiving a letter about payments, he's used personal information about me that I've told him in the past, and brought them up in arguments against me.
So I'm feeling very protected and I'm not comfortable having sex with him yet. I'm just happy spending time with him. I'm also a couple of sizes bigger than I was pre pregnancy so I'm feeling like the only person I'd want to see me naked right now is someone I trust fully.
I've returned to education as a mature student so because I have the baby i also have Universal credit - this is something he's thrown at me in an argument as a negative about me. Now it sounds silly but I don't feel safe (I don't mean physically - he's not someone that would ever raise a hand) but I mean that I'm safe to be naked around him as he uses the things he knows are my insecurities (eg being in UC bugs me) and throws those insecurities at me in an argument so I'm worried that he'll see I look different still and throw that at me too.
So I told him that right now I'm happy being in my little bubble under my clothes and that nobody can see me naked right now, not to mention I don't want to sleep with anyone that is unpredictable and I think may leave the next second if there's something he's not happy with.
His response is to say that how can we rebuild anything without sleeping together? I feel he has a point in some way as it builds intimacy.
AIBU to expect him to wait while we rebuild some trust?
I mean I don't even know if we will be able to get back together fully and rebuild what we had, but while we try, right now I'm just not ready to have sex with him. Am I being unfair?