Any bilingual parents here - advice please ??

[hahahaaaaaaa]

I started out with good intentions for my son. I was going to teach him my ' native ' language.

It started all well but now he's 3 and he only speaks English and I'm finding it very difficult to speak to him in my native language.

He does understand some of it and he does know certain words in it, but his English is much further ahead. We spend a lot of time around my parents who speak to him mostly in the native language, but they also slip into English as it's easier to converse with him. He spends a good couple of months a year in native country and he hears us talking native language a lot ( when my parents and when we go to native country ).

However since he started speaking, he always chose English words over native language words.

Can I still turn this around ? I wake up every day determined to only speak to him in the native language and end up failing. I noticed he was getting perhaps a tiny bit behind on his peers with his English when he was 2-2.5, so I stepped the English up at home. He's at nursery and speaks English there of course.

What can I do ? I know I'll really regret it if he cannot speak my native language one day.

Ps: I say ' native ' language because I now consider English to be my strongest language anyway, as I've live in the UK for so long and also did all my studies here since I was a teenager.

I still speak my native language very well, but I'm much more comfortable speaking English now.

Keep talking your native language! He might answer in English but he'll still be learning, the most important thing is to keep up the exposure. I had this with my younger daughter, we let up on english (our minority language) because of a hearing difficulty that meant she was behind in our local language just before starting school. The hearing problem was easily fixed, and her language caught up within three months, but after stopping English for that time she refused to use it at all except for listening to a few of her favorite childrens books and dvds. So, no new vocabulary, and quite soon we couldn't watch eg a disney film in english because she didn't understand enough to follow, and couldn't read subtitles yet. I really regretted not using English for those few months!
For us the whole thing changed as a teenager, she decided she wanted to speak english and put quite a lot of effort into it, mostly through reading and films. Now at over twenty she's fine in english apart from the accent, but it only happened because she decided it and you can't count on that.

I’m not in a bilingual family but have done EAL training as a teacher. It’s not uncommon for young children to appear linguistic behind but they are not, they are learning two languages so they have greater depth. I would just exclusively speak to him in your native language. From the families I know it’s normal for the children to reply in English or even a mixture of two languages.

Is he a exposed to English in other ways Eg nursery, toddler group, other parents.

Keep speaking always all the time, even when he doesn't respond. My eldest didn't speak English (my native langiage) until she was almost 4 and only started because I was on mat leave in lock down and it was just is and her baby sister all day. Just be completely consistent and don't speak anything other than your native tongue. Maybe put tv in that language too? Then if he's watching TV its in some way learning.

Yep, agree. Keep talking to your children in your first language. It's tough but so important.

You can definitely turn it around but you must really try not mix them up. Only use your native language from now on - I know it’s hard but worth it!

Keep talking to him in your native language, try to resist resorting to English. I live abroad and English is my mother tongue but DD barely spoke any English until she was 3, and then she finally started to and is properly bilingual now. DS was the opposite and only wanted to speak English until he was 4 but now speaks both very well. I pretty much only ever speak English to them, and lots of English books (DD only wants to read in English now, which has its own problems with school!) and tv etc.

Stick with speaking with your native language only, dont switch because it is easier. The only way to learn a language is by listening and speaking it. We are a trilingual family. We ha decided we would only speak our native languages o our kids before they were born. Yes they switched to English since they started school, but we still keep speaking our languages to them. They understand what we say, if we take them to either of our home countries to spend a holiday, they pick up quite fast. I wouldnt worry about their English at all, English is probably one of the easiest languages to learn.

Keep going. You mustn't switch to English though. Stick to your language as that's less confusing.

I know of some bilingual kids who didn't speak the other language until they were about 6. And then they spoke full, perfect-for-age sentences!

I don’t have any advice because this was me many years ago. DC1 never learned beyond individual words (as in she never made proper sentences). DC2 spoke only English because by that point, English became
the dominant language at home with DC1 and DH speaking it. We also only spend about 2 weeks in my home country. Only thing I can say is it got very frustrating to speak the other language because DC1 language skill was so low that it is easier to communicate in English. The gap became bigger and bigger as she gained fluency in English.

By the way, is your other language an easy one for English speakers to learn? I suspect that will make a difference too. Some are notoriously difficult for English speakers. Growing up, I didn’t know anyone who master it without both parents speaking or had non English speaking grandparents who live close by. I actually know non speaking children where both parents speaks.

Keep speaking your mother tongue. If you can, get your DC to socialise with other kids/families that speak the same language. Also, when we needed our kids to increase their vocabulary in their other language, we made sure they watched TV only in that language. Books, too.

Talk to him only in your language. Encourage him to respond in your language.he will pick it up VERY quickly.
hive him the gift of being bilingual.

Is there a Saturday school for your language? That's another thing that can help a lot.

Get books in your language, let D.C. watch cartoons or kids programmes too…

Yes I agree with this. It’s quite common for young children to mix languages or switch to their strongest language, but they’re still learning and listening- even if they appear as though they’re not and reply in their other language. As they get older it will click, and they’ll thank you one day. It really is a gift (said as a language speaker who learned without a bilingual family!).

It's so frustrating..I'm that child, while I can speak my mother's tongue, I have a very British accent..that it somehow sounds wrong to other native speakers 😳..I get sniggered at etc..while if English is spoken badly..ppl will understand always.

I've tried to teach my DC and while they understand, they refuse to even try to speak it as it will come out in a jumble. Also it's true what a pp says some sounds don't exist in the English language so it gets harder to say them.

Try getting a tutor and keep trying . Good luck

Please please persevere. My dh is bilingual and his family are very fluent in English. They all decided to speak to the dcs in English rather than their native language despite my insistence it wouldn’t confuse them. It’s such a wasted opportunity to have two languages.

Bilingual parent, when my son was small I only spoke to him in Urdu, as I was a single parent English just didn’t feature at home apart from TV really. He learned English at nursery, he was four when he realised that I speak English too. He’s now seven and I would say I speak Urdu to him about 90% of the time, he does respond in Urdu, but I taught him that responding to someone in a different language could be seen as rude, which he is still young enough to fall for.

English is also my now husbands second language, I speak Urdu to our daughter and he speaks Swedish to her, like my son she will learn English at nursery, from TV etc. My Swedish and his Urdu is good enough that when the kids are around we can usually avoid using English.

Try your hardest not to use English at home, try to find kids TV in the language as well as books, exposure is key.

I'm in the same boat, unfortunately I can only find French/Spanish/German or Mandarin Saturday schools or toddler groups.

I don't suppose you are Italian and in the South East and want a mum friend?

I'm considering a tutor for my 6 year old but 3 is probably a bit little.

Just carry on speaking your MT to him. Never speak English directly to him. If you are speaking English to others always switch when you speak directly to him. Had same with DD who grew up tri-lingual and once she started speaking, she would speak the language of the person to them but, for example, wouldn't speak another language to me - only the one I also spoke to her in. Now we are doing the same with DGS and he understands perfectly but only answers in English. At 2 I'm not worried, he'll speak it when he's older as only just learning to speak English.
DD will now speak to either of us in 2 languages as through circumstances she dropped the 3rd language when we moved to England.

Thanks for the advice. We are actually trying to raise him trilingual. I only focused on my part. But I am trilingual and dad is bilingual. A lot going on.

We try to do one parent one language but are failing badly !

Hahaha Italian is one of the languages that we all speak and are trying to teach him actually! But it's not the native language I was referring to. So complicated ! I am massively on the lookout for Italian speaking families as well as the other language.

Keep going!
It might seem hard but it'll be well worth it.
I have several friends who have successfully raised bi and even Tri lingual children and they all did it by consistently only talking to their children in their mt when 1-2-1.
In some cases never getting a reply back in that language for a long time (but child understood mum)

My DNieces know to talk to some people in one language and other people in another language.
They switch mid conversation from one language to another easily.
PPs are right - language development will be slower, but that's because they are learning two languages. They will mix them up a bit at first too. But they'll eventually be fluent in both.

We have done one parent-one language ever since DS was born and we even do it between me and DH. He speaks to me in Spanish and I reply in English and vice versa. I massively agree with the others that you must get back to speaking to him only in your language. I wouldn't go so far as to insist he replies to you in your language but as long as you are keeping up the understanding that is the main thing. I think you have reached a point where routines have been established and they can be hard to turn around but at least keep up his level of understanding.