AIBU to always second guess compliments from men ?

[Dibdabdibb]

I had a recent encounter that got me thinking about this.

We are friends and went for a coffee.
He was complementing me about my looks (got a bit awkward for me tbh) and I think he was exaggerating to the point I thought ‘ you don’t sound genuine, what are you after ?’

I am pretty (nothing out of the ordinary though) but I think he was going way overboard. He isn’t the first to do this- 2 other men in the past have and it just seems so fake. I just assume they want something from me or want to just sleep with so trying to stroke my ego.

spoke to a friend and she thinks I have issues with accepting compliments.

just curious to what everyone else’s experience is with this ?

AIBU ?

I think issue with compliments is often women's thing.
Like I saw it at work.
"Nice tie!"
"Thanks!"

"Nice dress!"
"Thanks, it's just a cheap one from x and I think it makes my arms look bit big, but thanks. Yeah, just a cheap dress, haha"
"No, it's really nice. The colour suits you"
"Oh haha thanks, but I think other colour fits me better"
And so on.

It's like we can't deal with compliments no matter who gives them. Is it like the second scenario? Because it can go into bit ott level. Though I learned to stop after 1st one now!

I always second guess compliments, I find them manipulative and uncomfortable. In a perfect world I would receive no criticism (appearance wise) and no compliments’. I own a mirror and I know exactly where I stand. I might require a bit of therapy, but I find any comment uncomfortable. I have great eyesight, so please don’t ‘describe’ me.

Would you have complimented a female friend, or her you, the way he did? What puts me off men who do this is that they think that you need validation from a man. As said, we all own mirrors. Unless you have been discussing your self esteem being low, it's strange. I'm a bit sceptical about men being friends, most would take up any offers made and often throw a few feelers out. If they go overboard then they are letting you know that they fancy you.

I’m interested in the responses you get about this op as I also experience exactly the feeling you describe.

Except one of the main offenders is my dh 😂 It took at least three years for me to start to feel a bit more comfortable with him talking like that and realise he is in fact being genuine!

I do think it’s important to listen to what your gut tells you though. With my dh there were no other red flags and I realised they were genuine compliments. It takes me back to being love bombed/manipulated.

It was more like ‘ you are really very attractive, and have an effect on people ‘

Like how you would describe Angelina Jolie or Penelope Cruz…. 😕

I think there’s a very simple rule for compliments

”nice dress/hair cut/shoes, the colour suits you/that cut is flattering/they’re good fun” is fine

”your body looks good in that dress/shirt/shorts” is not.

it’s ok to compliment an aesthetic choice that someone has made, but when you’re complimenting their body or sexual appeal I think you enter sketchy territory. This is just with colleagues/acquaintances/purely platonic mates.

Well he's not really a friend then, he's letting you know he fancies you and trying to gauge if you fancy him!

Depends on what you mean by fake. If they were saying it hoping to eventually get a date then it’s not fake, it’s fairly direct groundwork.

I know he is suggesting (not so subtly) that he fancies me but are his compliments genuine ? Does he really think them or just tying to butter me up

like I said this is the third guy to do this…over the top compliments

I think nowadays over the top compliments are the norm. Stunning amazing gorgeous nobody just says pretty anymore.

I think only three men complimenting you is very low, and I’m not arrogant, but most women I know have a friggen life time of that shit.

is this you’re not used to it? Does he want to sleep with you, maybe, could he be trying to make you feel better about yourself maybe.

but I’d say a pretty adult woman only encountering this three times, is very very rare.

To some extent, I feel a bit sorry for the guys here: don’t make enough fuss of how gorgeous she is, no chance of a shag; overdo it, comes across as insincere, no chance of a shag.

If they manage to pitch it just right and succeed, that doesn’t mean that they’re more or less sincere, just that they’re very good at the old chat or got lucky.

You’re overthinking this. If you like them, you can forgive a bit of inept flirting. Don’t be faux naive, though. You know exactly what they’re after. Up to you what you do with that knowledge.

Your choice obviously, but I hope you aren't sour if, not being able to guess all that at a glance, someone says they like your outfit (as I often do to friends and perfect strangers)...

Huh. Aside from DH I've been seriously complimented by exactly one other guy. Was weird.

I’ve had this happening a few times when I did the school run - ‘I love your outfit! Going somewhere nice?’ I found it a bit upsetting because it was suggesting I’m overdressed for the school run. Which I was, maybe, but I don’t go out a lot and occasionally smarten up just for the school gates.

I'd say he fancies you and is letting you know that! It's hard to take a compliment (from a man I think) without looking for the underlying meaning but here the underlying is clear. So from that, I'd say he means it. Although, if he's saying you have an effect on men, is he also going to be a bit jealous. There, I over thought it for you 😁

If you're friends presumably he's generally a nice guy? I'd say he's probably genuine.

How long have you known him and to what level?

Is is just chit chat?
More personal such as shall I change job? Telling him your pet is unwell
Deep conversation, these are my fears and upsets.
Very deep conversation this is something awful that happened to me, basically showing vulnerability.

Men and women can be friends, I worked in a male environment where only 10% of the workforce were women. But of all the male friends I have had in my life about 50% have at some point alluded to the fact that they fancied me.

I think there’s a very simple rule for compliments

I just say thank you regardless. Even when I suspect the compliment is backhanded/bitchy (women) or a futile attempt to get in my knickers (men).

Happens all the time (and I’m 60 this year). I just say, ‘that is so kind, thank you’ and then talk about something else.

Have you been hurt in the past OP? The reason I ask is because my ex was an absolute ball bag and hurt me. When I met my now husband he complimented me and I found it so hard to accept and it felt somewhat 'too good to be true' He was genuine and we've been together 10 years with a 3 year old.

Guys cant win.. theyre labelled as creeps if theyre nice. My son is terrified of being nice to a girl, more so if he likes her. Its always taken wrong.

We ladies should learn to say thank you and leave it there

I often compliment women (I am a woman) on stuff, I'm all about lifting people up, and also I'm always genuine, I don't make stuff up, I'm absolutely gutted people think I'm being a bitch...... that's just awful. Also, i must be an absolute minger as I can't remember the last compliment I got..... this is a no win situation for me!!!