Private School, Grammar School, State School…AIBU

[Peanutbab]

I am in the midst of getting my DC enrolled in 11+ tutoring and have just came to a sad conclusion regarding my parents management of my own education.

My sister who is 4 years my senior went to private school from 11-16.
I have vidid memories of my brother who is 2 years my senior having in-home tutoring and attending 11+ tutoring classes, along with my parents sitting down and helping him with homework frequently - pre 11+ and in the run up to the exam (he did not achieve the needed grades and ultimately went to a state school).

Then I think of myself and it’s all blank… I honestly can not remember my parents even sitting me down to work through my homework, no talk of 11+ despite me being more than able. I just ended up going to the same school as my brother despite there probably being better schools much closer to home.

My parents divorced around the time my brother started secondary education so there would have been that stress but my mother was extremely involved and dedicated to my brother’s 11+ prep.

AIBU to think they felt obligated to educate their 1st born to a high standard, along with their 1st born son and then could not be bothered with me?

(FYI my mother is patriarchal maybe a little misogynistic, everything she has done and upheld in our- her children’s lives - has proven this.
The sad/funny thing is I have surpassed both my siblings and parents career wise with very little to no help from my parents. I feel so saddened by this.)

@HairyToity I definitely am getting on with life and in doing so you reflect and I unfortunately came to this conclusion.

@greenspaces4peace yes I am a parent but that really has no standing in how I have perceived things, it has just triggered me to think about my own education.
I hope what I have written does not come across as I wanted to be sent to private or grammar school. What I am saying is, I was not afforded the same opportunities based on my parents circumstances. Just as @WhateverIdo has said I was not even given the opportunity to sit the 11+ examination with no prep. There was no interest in my ability because they never made the effort and no time was invested to explore how able I was or what type of school environment I would be happy in.

@GasPanic I am glad you haven’t lost sleep over it but that’s just horrible and could have affect how you thought of and valued yourself as a child. By the sounds of it you benefited in other ways so that’s good to hear.

It could be for the reason you describe, but there are other explanations too.

Ran out of money.

They discovered state school was better than they had imagined.

The regretted pressuring elder siblings due to the impact.

They were struggling with their own issues more when you were at that stage.

They, for whatever reason, felt you were less likely to meet the bar for grammar school.

That's not to say you don't have a right to be angry and feel you were unfairly treated. But I think you will have to accept it is impossible to know the exactly reason why this happened.