Has your life ever been a mess for ages following a bereavement?

[fourikeachairs]

Really trying to stop this happening to me again. I lost a parent in my mid twenties and honestly my life was really messy and chaotic for about 4 years. I was still at uni when it happened as due to my own difficult and overwhelming health issues, I was very part time. The bereavement set me back more, my shaky mental health really tanked on top of physical serious issues.

I keep looking back with a degree of shame but at the same time I'm not very clear how I could have been more successful and productive during those following years.

It seems like mostly, deeply bereaved people I read about get their shit together after a month or so being signed off, and are able to concentrate on their career (for example) and it spurs them on to excel. Like the polar opposite of me.

I honestly feel my grief derailed me massively.

My second parent has now died and it is like walking in treacle. I have no energy and am having panic attacks over the silliest of things - for example, I seem to get overwhelmed by having to think of multiple things at once, and feel panicky in the car (as a passenger!) even though I have zero fear of cars and just want to stay curled up on my sofa.

However I really cannot afford to let my life be derailed for years this time in my 30s or I will never make anything of my career?

I'm trying to focus on all the major advantages I have this time around - a much more stable life with a great partner, much more stable health even though it is still challenging, a decade of life experience and the maturity that comes with that.

Am I particularly pathetic to have been so thrown or is this part of the 'normal' spectrum of bereavement, whatever normal is?

Sorry to hear about your parents.

I find it helpful to think of it in physical terms, like you've just been driven into a brick wall at speed, suffering head injuries and other trauma.

No-one would expect you to be up and running in weeks. You would need time at home in bed to recover from the injury. It would be months or years till your brain recovers enough to multi-task.

See your GP to see if anxierty medication would be helpful for you, it has for me.

Be kind to yourself.

(I'm 2 years after the death of my DH)

Sorry for your loss OP

I lost my mum 6 months ago unexpectedly, my dad isn't coping and is finding solace in a bottle.

On the surface I looked like I moved forward quickly and life/work is as normal but in reality, I am trying so hard to keep it together for my five year old. So many unexpected moments catch me out still. Counselling wasn't for me although I did try .