To move childcare setting?

[imissyoulikethedesertsmisstherain]

NC for this as may be outing. Have been a regular member here for over 5 yrs.
We have had the same childminder since we relocated last April. My little boy is 3, and will go to the school "preschool" in September. My husband and myself both work full time and we have no family support whatsoever. The issues we are having are as follows:

• My little boy fluctuates between loose/very soft stool and constipation. Each time this happens, the childminder sends him home. I would understand if this was a tummy bug, but he has no vomiting with it and it is very frequent, he has missed 8 days in Feb. As expected, we still have to pay her for these days. He has seen a GP, nothing medically wrong, doesn't want to do an allergy test at this stage as says soft/loose stools is very normal in children up to 5, this is something we've seen with our elder child.
• We have had lots of "extreme" behaviour at home from my son, hitting, biting, screaming/tantrums etc. when I attempt to discuss with childminder she just says that he's perfect when with her. No discussion.
• I am not sure how much "learning through play" she does. My son cannot yet count to ten or anything that my elder son could do at this age, it seems to me they just go to play group after play group and then other outings.
• CM has said to us that son is very tired and because of this "needs a home day"
• CM has quite a few "sick days" one of these she let us know at 4am for that day.
• She is totally inflexible with her working hours with us, yet will have other children up to 8pm at night.
• CN discusses other parents and children at the doorstep.

My question is whether we should try and change his childcare provider, even though he only has 6 months left (cm is taking all of August off) we are finding it increasingly difficult to balance our working commitments with the childcare issues. My son is very happy there and really does love his CM.

Thanks for your advice

It doesn’t sound great, to be honest.

Does the preschool he’ll be going to have any openings for younger children?

Is it part of a child minders job to educate? Why can’t you teach your own kid to count to 10…
She doesn’t sound great but probably not worth distressing your child going to a new one if it’s only for 6 months then you won’t be using a child minder at all.

We of course do lots of educational stuff with him/them. He is with her full time, every day except weekends, so I would expect some learning to be going on, she's a CHILDMINDER and not a BABYSITTER.
That was just an example.
You don't need to be so rude.

I wish! September is the earliest he can start!

if you’ve only got 6 months and your child is happy, I think I would probably suck it up. By the time you’ve found a new place, given notice in this one and got you kid settled in the new place, it’ll be pretty much time for him to leave.

Doesn't sound a great situation but I’m not sure it’s bad enough to disrupt him when he’s got such little time left.

That's what I am thinking, I know in reality that 6 months is quite a short period of time and he is very happy there but it's just so hard when she's ringing all the bloody time saying he needs picking up!

Does he need to go to a pre school or could he swap to a normal nursery now and stay there until he starts proper school?

I'm not really bothered about my children doing actual learning before school but it sounds like a) she's not being very flexible about illness and hours which is the only advantage of a childminder at this age and b) she is like some of the childminders/nannies I see at playgroups who just let their charges to their own devices while they chat to their friends -I'd resent paying for this (think it's very different doing this as a parent from a paid early years professional).

That’s why I asked if it was part of their job because I didn’t know.

Apart from the hassle, what else would make you want to continue with her?

Unless your area is different, I'd imagine you'd struggle to get another childcare setting at this point for the next 6 months. Most childminders in my area (SE) are already filling up for September never mind sooner.

Your tone was too iffy for this to fly.

He could but we are not in the UK so would need to pay for it (currently paying CM £1500 a month) whereas if he goes to the school "nursery" it is free and he will be with his peers that he'll go through school with right from the get go.

The hassle of finding somewhere new, and that he's happy there (which is obviously important!) The other positive (purely practical) is that she picks him up and drops him off x

I think you are very right about this, think I just have to suck it up.

I'm an ex Childminder. For the sake of 6 months I'd leave a happy child where he was, but it want to address the issues.

• Loose nappies. Childminders have a statutory duty under the EYFS to minimise the spread of infection. Most will have an illness policy in line with this. Mine was 3 loose nappies or 1 horrific and explosive and send home. She's not a doctor and can only go with what she sees. If she also sees other symptoms then she has to make a judgement call. I'd go back to your GP and ask them to explore toddler diarrhoea. If you get a diagnosis this will be easier for your CM to manage and won't need to send home. I can promise you that sending children home ill is pretty much the least favourite part of the job. I'm on various CM forums and as cohort we hate it, often giving us sleepless nights. It's one of the reasons I stopped.

• Her illness. I can only go by the 4am example but I'm not sure what you expect. If she was suddenly vomiting for example at 3.55am then that was the soonest she could let you know. She can only let you know when she knows and again, she must minimise the spread of infection.

• Learning through play. Do you know what his next steps are? Do you know what they're working on? Ask for a chat about it. She should be communicating this to you.

• Behaviour. What would you like her to do? I mean that genuinely. If he's the model of good behaviour then all she can really do is take it on-board and keep talking about kindness. Childminders already model good behaviour and he's obviously picked that up as he's behaving very well there. Is it that you think he might have SEN or do you want her to do something in particular?

• Flexibility. Try and remember you don't know everyone's contractual arrangements. Perhaps she's at her limit and doesn't feel she can do more for you. However, I know from my own experience that when Childminders percieve that they have a difficult family (and I'm not saying you are) they often don't feel inclined to go above and beyond. CM's in general get pretty beaten down from parents lying about illness, sending children in secretly dosed up on calpol, unreasonable requests at midnight, harassment, late payment, failure to pay, bad communication, amongst other things. I've had it all! Again, I'm not saying this is you but as a group CM's are worn out and particularly post pandemic have higher standards of what they're willing to accept. So if she feels like (in her view) you've been difficult then she won't want to help. Also - diarrhoea discussions is probably the most frequently discussed topic of frustration between Childminders, that and teething or teething related diarrhoea. So many Childminders I know have started saying that they have had to close as they've caught teething from a minded child (when parents have sent ill and insisted it's teething) - obviously in these cases it's actually a bug.

That was long. Genuinely trying to help.

Thank you so much for this. I really do appreciate it. When we were back in the UK we really did have the MOST AMAZING AND WONDERFUL childminder, who never had a day off sick in four years and was incredibly flexible and I guess I shouldn't judge everyone by these standards.
It is incredibly stressful trying to juggle full time working and childcare.
I don't know if he has SEN or not, but overall just wanted the discussion.
I will ask her how he's getting on "educationally" when she drops off this pm and see how we go!

There is no way I would have put up with this for so long. I appreciate it's not easy finding suitable childcare but the safety and happiness of your child is key.

I'd see if you can get a note from your GP confirming that your DS has a sensitive digestion and loose stools without any other ailments are not a stomach bug.

Also, if she says he needs a home day because he's tired say no that isn't possible because you are at work.

The behaviour may just be the release of emotions on returning home.

Difficult. It's quite possible that he doesn't display negative behaviour with her (my DD was an angel at nursery but not at home), the loose nappies is probably just because she's worried about spreading infection.
You said you're not in the UK so no idea if she's supposed to educate your son or not.
However he's happy and likes her so I wouldn't move him unless you are getting grief at work for being off with your child too much. I'd keep him there for the sake of 6 months because moving him now and then again in 6 months is likely to make him feel very unsettled.

Well my boss called me today to say if used up all my carers leave until July 😂