Hi everyone, I will try to keep this short.
A neighbour lost her father, who I have never met, to covid. Three members of the family, including said neighbour, all had covid and had been in close contact with other members of the family. I do not know any of the neighbours family apart from their two children who are also adults.
I have always gone out of my way to help said neighbour and we used to spend some time together in the early days many many years ago but that stopped around 15 years ago. However, we do still talk and I go out of my way sometimes to help if they need it. I also tried to help get them I touch with someone to help sort out the funeral.
Last time we spoke, they told me they would share the funeral details with me. This never happened. It was seen by someone in my house on a WhatsApp status late at night, the day before the service.
We decided not to go because we know they had covid and we live with an elderly, vulnerable person who has recently been diagnosed with a heart condition. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to get in touch with them to let them know before the service. I lost a parent a few years ago and I remember how I felt at the time and how lots of people were coming and going for a few days after. This is fairly normal in our culture.
I tried to call them after the funeral and they never answered. I tried again later the same day, same thing so I sent a message apologising and explaining our situation. I also mentioned that I have been and continue to pray for them all and that I am here if they need anything at all. The one thing I forgot to mention is that I had planned to go and see them and their family once they are all better.
Two days went past and no response. I put it down to grief as I know how bad it can make you feel. On top of that they were ill. I was outside a couple of nights later and saw them come home so decided to walk over and speak to them and apologise in person and explain again that we did want to go but couldn’t because of covid. I was met with a very frosty reaction and was told they need to sort their cars out. So I said okay and went back home.
I know they are grieving and I know what that feels like. However, I never gave anyone that never came the silent treatment and we weren’t in a pandemic at the time.
Was it wrong of me to not go to the funeral or to their house knowing they had covid? Is it wrong of me to think that they would understand why we couldn’t risk going and for them to acknowledge that? I thought that a reasonable person would understand and you wouldn’t have to point it out to them? I wouldn’t even open the door to the delivery drivers when we had covid as I didn’t want to spread it.
I have been feeling awful as I do not like to hurt or upset people. I have decided to leave things for now and let them grieve. Even though I had wanted to go and see them all when they are better so they know that I will support them. I honestly feel like I won’t be welcome now.