To stop contact

[FumingRightNow]

NC for this

My DS is 6, he's always been allergic to dairy, it makes him come out in very itchy hives that lasts for days and gets so bad he scratches until it bleeds. The more he has the worse it gets.
The thing is the reaction is usually delayed by a few days.

He goes to his grandma's house (DPs DM) EOW for 2 nights. They know he can't have dairy.

My DS today confided in me that he's been told to keep a secret from everyone in this house (me, his dad and siblings) when I pressed him and said he shouldn't be keeping secrets from his parents, he said his aunt has been giving him cheesy chips and pizza (takeaway so smothered in cheese) and told him if he kept it a secret they'd let him have it everytime he's there. His aunt has her own house where he goes from his grandma's sometimes when he's meant to be there. (Hope that makes sense)

There is backstory here, when my DS has told me he's had the cheesy chips and pizza there before, both me and his dad told this aunt to her face that he can't have dairy. Each time he's come out in the hives a few days after. They must think it's bullshit cause they don't see the immediate reaction. Though I've told them. Many times.

There was a time a few weeks ago where ds told me in front of his grandma that she's given him cheesy chips n she called him a liar, he pleaded with her to tell the truth n that he was lying n she told him to shut up cause she'd get in trouble!
I said its not about gettin mad about it, I want to protect him. but didn't push it further because we were miles away on a day out together.

The mental abuse here is screaming from within me to tell them all to fuck right off. But my ds loves it there. My dp says he doesn't feel up to saying anything to them right now cause he's got man flu. I'm trying to stay classy by not texting them anything.

AIBU to stop contact?
I'm so fucking angry right now

Why is he going there?

If he comes out in hives for days then how would you not have noticed without him telling you?

I wouldn’t stop all contact, but I would stop them having sole care of him. They’ve proved they can’t be trusted and asking a child to keep a secret….massive no no!!

Also wondering why he goes so often I assumed you and his dad was separated, given that’s not the case then just stop sending him.

Because my dp has another dc from previous relationship who goes at the same time.
He doesn't have to go, it's just the arrangement that started n didn't stop.
And I did notice the itchy hives, which prompted me to ask him if he'd eaten dairy, to find out they gave him it. This aunt has given him ice creams aswell in the past but always claimed to have "forgotten" he was allergic.

Personally I’d keep them both at yours and just arrange contact with grandmother and aunt when you’re around.

Yes, keep both children at your house - presumably your dp has time with his other child separately to the eow the child spends with his grandmother?

My son had really bad allergy to milk protein but his was ulcerative colitis, which meant he pooed blood in case of a reaction.

I'd be going effing ballistic in your place and no, some people won't understand what a delayed reaction is.

Allergy is a very frustrating thing, often misunderstood and not taken seriously. I wouldn't let him stay there without you anymore, especially with the grandmother gaslighting the kid like that.

Yes dp has alot of contact with his dc.
I feel like they don't respect me or my dp, they have undermined him regarding his dc for years, not respected him as her dad. Now I feel its been extended to me.

I feel so angry they'd put my dc through the reactions.
But I also feel so damn angry about the gaslighting, the teaching him to keep secrets from me and his dad! That sets him up for alsorts of a use.
I feel incredibly undermined and devalued as a mother.
My poor boy, he's such a sweet little boy too

Now the anger is starting to subside I feel so sad.

Don’t send him!! They are not keeping him safe.

Surely you just tell them you aren't sending ds to be abused again?

Will one of you stop pussyfooting around and stand up for your child?

That's horrendous. They clearly don't give a crap about your son's health and trying to prove a point. I would cut contact for them teaching my child to lie to his parents, very manipulative, dangerous and disrespectful.

Your dp won't say anything because he's got the flu?! Has the flu removed his ability to speak?

It's his kids health. Surely nothing, nothing, is more important.

If he won't step up, you need to. Take photos of his bleeding scratches and send them to the aunt and grandma.