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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that I can never show my face again?

17 replies

TheWhisker · 22/02/2023 20:48

I have endometriosis which causes me to flood, including clots. Today in the office was particularly bad and I noticed as I was leaving the office that I had flooded on to the chair. I was sat next to my male colleague, who may possibly have seen the chair. I tucked it under as it's fabric and impossible to clean. I have bled before on the work chairs and it doesn't come out, just makes it worse. I am so embarrassed and so tired of this. I've been in awful pain for the whole day too. I can't show my face tomorrow can I?

OP posts:

Justforlaffs · 22/02/2023 20:52

Don’t be silly. It’s a horrible thing to happen but women (roughly half the population) menstruating is a fact of life as sure as coughing/sneezing!

I seriously doubt the colleague will mention it or even noticed. You are focused on it bc it happened to you - he is probably oblivious. How would you react in the same situation with a colleague? You’d be understanding and sympathetic I’m sure.

Have you tried period pants?

FlickFlackTrap · 22/02/2023 20:58

Oh OP you poor thing 💐
I agree with PP and highly doubt a male colleague would clock it but I can understand why you feel the way you do.
No advice but I’m so sorry you’re having to go through it. I hope you manage to find some sort of a solution

Dacadactyl · 22/02/2023 21:01

Oh bless you OP. Yes its embarassing (whether anyone notices or not). It happened to me once when i was sat on my parents brand new pale sofa! Was mid convo with my dad at the time, I was mortified even though I was mid 30s.

Is there facilities management team at work who you could approach about the chair?

FlickFlackTrap · 22/02/2023 21:03

Would something like this help? Perhaps with a towel as well?

neverbeenskiing · 22/02/2023 21:09

As a fellow endo sufferer I sympathise 💐
You will probably get a lot of responses from people saying it's nothing to worry about and that it's silly to be embarrassed. Unless they have endo themselves they may not appreciate the volume of blood you're talking about, this will not be a few drops or a small barely noticeable stain. It's normal to feel embarrassed even though it's in no way your fault. Also having to think about and plan for these incidents month after month for many years is extremely draining, and everything seems worse when you're in extreme pain.

Is there a supportive manager at work you could talk to? My endo was so bad at one stage I agreed with my manager I could work from home on my heaviest flow days. Now I'm on monthly injections that have stopped my periods completely and I'm waiting for a hysterectomy but it's been a long road to get to this point.

DaisyTwist87 · 22/02/2023 21:11

I'm in the same boat, it's awful! You have my full sympathy . On my worse days I wear heavy flow period pants, a night time pad & super tampon. A world away from ideal but it's the only way I feel secure. You also have nothing to be ashamed of it's a medical condition!

Justforlaffs · 22/02/2023 21:15

Just wanted to say my “don’t be silly” comment sounded flippant which wasn’t my intention - I know it’s horribly embarrassing but you really do just have to try and laugh about incidents like that and not let it get the better of you or stop you from going back to work! It really is just a fact of life that women bleed, some heavily and there will be times when we have accidents. I remember bleeding all over my brand new boyfriends bed the day after our first tryst. I was embarrassed but he was lovely about it.

I hope you find a way of managing it, it’s shit x

2Blackcat · 22/02/2023 21:19

Unfortunately I have had that experience & not nice at all. I managed in the end to get proper treatment- it took years but made such a difference as I had got used to sitting on black poly bags etc at work. An early memory was teaching a class in an FE college wearing my white lab coat (biology). After they left I found out only the front was white ... the rest very red... not one student ever said anything. Good luck

dudsville · 22/02/2023 21:26

There such a long history of shame associated with this and that alone is so sad, i think women are amazing at being able to act everyday as if they're all the same, when they aren't. I don't have endo so i don't know what level of flooding your taking about here, but i gather it's a lot. Your colleague may notice, but if he behaves like a dick about it then the shame is his alone. Hold your head up and shoulders back when you next walk in to work.

DramaLlama20 · 22/02/2023 21:57

I had a customer once who flooded onto a fabric chair during a lengthy 3 hour appointment. She was MORTIFIED. I could not have been less bothered - packed her off to the toilet with lots of pads and tampons from my stash, swapped the chair for a new one from elsewhere, got her a fresh coffee and covered the new clean chair in a towel from my locker (her husband suggested this) and carried on with the appointment. All the way through she was still embarrassed and in the end I had to tell her all the times it had happened to me and eventually she relaxed. I promise IF he noticed he wouldn't care or be bothered at all, just try and move on and maybe sit on a towel in future and blame in on back problems if you're worried. Don't be upset, you can't help it.

Original poster

TheWhisker · 23/02/2023 08:07

Hello everyone. Thank you for your replies.

I have decided to work from home today. I can't risk it happening again, although I did want to get in work early to see the damage on the chair and see if I could clean it.

OP posts:

maryofthevirginkind · 23/02/2023 08:39

Can you contact a colleague and ask them to get the chair removed, checked or cleaned?

NeedToChangeName · 23/02/2023 08:53

I have no helpful suggestions, but I really hope you can find a solution to reduce the bleeding. I'd be upset too. If it helps, I can tell you that if your male colleague was any of the people I know, they'd be too uncomfortable to comment, but would be very sympathetic indeed x

BabyOnBoard90 · 23/02/2023 09:08

I don't blame you, that is pretty embarrassing. Though I wouldn't be ashamed of a condition you have no control over.

Take a break from the office if you need, but don't isolate yourself forever. WFH when on cycle.

HouseIsOnFire · 23/02/2023 09:20

It is horrendous when this happens, you have all my sympathy.
At my worst, I took a cushion for my work chair with a puppy pad inside the cover. I also carried around a hoodie with a puppy pad zipped in to more casually sit on in places.

MeatballHead · 23/02/2023 09:29

Yes, it's embarrassing but thinking about it my DH orDS wouldn't bat an eyelid if this happened infront of them
It happened to a friend in a restaurant and her dad had to lend her his jacket
It's sadly more common than we think
My Dr said woman are accustomed to cope and there is no reason why we should suffer in this day and age, there are things they can do to help
I hope you have a more comfortable day today @TheWhisker

UdoU · 23/02/2023 09:33

YANBU, I have had a few accidents myself but I just take a dish sponge from the kitchen and scrub the chair down. It usually cleans it pretty well. I do this when others have gone home and I then chuck the sponge.

I haven't had accidents since I started using heavy duty period shorts.

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