To feel hard done by

[gretazoom]

I saw a tik tok video today that was along the lines of "80's/90's kids how does it feel to have parents who refuse to look after your dc because they've done their time even though you know you were raised by grandma."

It struck me that this is quite accurate for my situation. My mum was great with my first dc but I have no support at all with my second. She's never had her overnight and only had her once for a few hours in almost a year. Now I'm back at work I am struggling hugely and could really use some help. Before anyone starts, I don't expect free childcare. She has no obligation to give up her time although it hurts that my dd doesn't have much of a relationship with her nan. But it galls me somewhat that I spent every weekend with my grandparents as a child.

No family on dh side so we really are very much alone. Just venting really. Does anyone else have family like this?

Me and dh are nc with dps so have no relatives! Luckily older dc step in now and again but that's it.. We take turns pet sitting for each other! Works well!

Struggling to see the relevance here.

Because most grandparents these days are also working unlike in the olden days when one income was sufficient.

I don’t think it’s fair to compare grandmother to mother just because they are the mother figure. They are two separate people in their own right with different factors affecting why they may or may not want to help.

Just because a grandmother from a different generation did it, doesn’t mean it has to be that way forever.

I didn’t have GPs around much when I was a child for very interesting reasons that I won’t go into here for length reasons. My DM still works full-time. My MIL still works full-time. My DF still works full-time. My FIL still works full-time. Why should they spend their free time parenting my DCs?

My DPs and PILs see me DCs for enjoyment, as relatives, in balance with the other aspects of their lives that they enjoy. I wouldn’t want to ship my DCs off every weekend either, that would be so sad!

I agree OP, we stated with my grandparents lots, my DC stayed with my parents. My parents were in their early 50s when I had DCs, my dad worked 4x 12 hr shifts Mon-Thurs and had the kids on a Fri, my mum used to come round after work a couple of times a week and do bath time. They always stayed there at weekends. They loved it. I hope I feel the same when mine have DC. I'm likely to still be working at that point but I don't see why I wouldn't help when I can