Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

I don't go on Faceache very often but...

22 replies

FelicityFlops · 21/02/2023 17:05

AIBU to find it upsetting that I keep seeing my cousin online, when he died 1 month ago?
I am sure it is his wife or son, but wouldn't you post a message about the death and then take the account down?

OP posts:

Cosyblankets · 21/02/2023 17:08

Maybe it's their way off remembering him. A month is not long at all. I seriously doubt his Facebook account is a priority

Skinnermarink · 21/02/2023 17:10

You can hide it if you don’t want to see it. It’s pretty crass to be annoyed that they haven’t taken it down, isn’t it?

Needmorelego · 21/02/2023 17:16

My sister in law died unexpectedly a few weeks ago. My brother in law used her Facebook page to let friends that he personally isn't Facebook friends with know. He has put details of the funeral and a few memory photos.
But why would he want to delete her account? It's her pictures, her life, her experiences. Things she liked, things she enjoyed doing. Facebook is an electronic online scrapbook of a person. Just because they've gone - their Facebook doesn't have to go. You wouldn't throw away physical photo albums or diaries.

Ithinkimthebfg · 21/02/2023 17:17

I don’t think you can judge them op, if you aren’t on there often then accept it’s about them.

Pureradio · 21/02/2023 17:19

Why on earth should the account be taken down?

MidgeHardcastle · 21/02/2023 17:24

I have two fb friends who died. To start with their page was a way of letting people know funeral dates, memorial services, thanking people etc. Now we post messages and silly pictures on their birthdays, it's a way of letting the family know they're not forgotten.

manicthursday · 21/02/2023 17:28

Sorry for your loss but if his closer family want to keep it active then that is their choice.

You can easily block the account and not be upset by it again.

AthenaPopodopolous · 21/02/2023 17:31

There’s load of dead people on Facebook. Maybe loved ones want to see the empties but it’s a bit weird not to put the account into memorial settings.

Cinecitta · 21/02/2023 17:33

What is faceache? 😕

UdoU · 21/02/2023 17:34

Why don't you just unfollow? This is not them to fix for you. Sorry for your loss.

inventinglouise · 21/02/2023 17:37

Cinecitta · 21/02/2023 17:33

What is faceache? 😕

OP being oh so witty about Facebook being beneath her

GoodChat · 21/02/2023 17:41

You must be on there quite regularly to be upset by him showing as active if he only died a month ago.

Silvers11 · 21/02/2023 17:55

It's only a month ago! The immediate family may decide to memorialise the account or ask for it to be deleted, but the said FB page will NOT be top of their agenda at this moment in time.

At the moment family members may be using his account to tell those they don't know personally what has happened. They may decide to memorialise the account so that birthday reminders are not sent out but posts can still be made on special occasions like birthdays etc to remember your cousin.

I memorialised my Mother's account - but it was 6 months after she passed or so. Various family members wanted to still be able to access her photos or look at posts she had made in the past as it gives them some comfort

Yes, it is upsetting when you get birthday reminders and the like but if it really upsets you then just unfriend your Cousin on FB.

Galadriel90 · 21/02/2023 18:18

Insensitive and nothing to do with you.

StJulian2023 · 21/02/2023 18:23

You are being phenomenally unreasonable.

Just one point, but I stupidly memorialised my DH’s account not long after he died (aged 37) and regretted it so much. There are apps where you can create photo books etc from Facebook and it would have been a great thing to do for our DC who were 5 and 7 when he died.

I’m sure you are grieving your cousin but believe me, it’s nothing compared with how his wife will be feeling

GotABeatForYouMama · 21/02/2023 18:24

When dad died it took me about 6 months to finally get around to sorting out his FB account, not because I forgot or anything like that. I liked scrolling through his posts and the photos he had posted....it was like he was still here and getting rid of it before I had had a decent amount of time to process the fact that he wasn't anymore was too hard.
Your relatives make take down the account, they make not...but they should not be judged for doing what they want in their own time.

PacmanIsLost · 21/02/2023 18:28

My best friend died 2 years ago. Her Facebook page is still there. I’d be so upset if it was taken down. I can see photos and videos of her on there and I know it’s a comfort not only to me.

There are ways of not seeing someone’s page, maybe you should do that.

Pinkywoo · 21/02/2023 18:34

I think OP means they are posting AS her cousin, rather than leaving comments on his page, which I can understand is a little jarring.

RaininSummer · 21/02/2023 18:41

I lost a good friend over 10 years ago now and I like it when I see timehop stuff pop up on FB and we tend to put best wishes and memories on his page which is lovely and I think provides comfort for his children too as they see their Dad was so loved.

GaspingGekko · 21/02/2023 18:42

OP, my dad died a couple of years ago and we were alerted by his acquaintance that his account was still being used and scam messages being sent.
We had to report his account to facebook and provide his death certificate to get it taken down.

Possibly it's just like others are saying and it's his family leaving info about funeral etc, but might be worth just checking out / keeping an eye on.

GoodChat · 21/02/2023 18:42

Pinkywoo · 21/02/2023 18:34

I think OP means they are posting AS her cousin, rather than leaving comments on his page, which I can understand is a little jarring.

I thought she just meant it's got the little green 'active now' thing

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/02/2023 21:48

My brother died suddenly 3 years ago. His FB page is still there. People sometimes write messages or post pics they've found. I am so glad it's there. I still see memories and more recently a video came up and it was so wonderful to hear his voice again. I think YABVVVU. Just "unfriend" if it offends you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread