Feeling awful about DS being teased because I’m fat.

[Mum1976Mum]

I’m fat. Very fat. A size 24. I’ve always been overweight but I had to go through fertility treatment for years. I also lost 10 babies before managing to have my 2. All the drugs and miscarriages and losses took their toll on me. I have terrible joint pain which I have just started a course at the gym to help and am trying to lose weight but finding it tough.

I’ve always had low self esteem but have been happier and more confident since having the children. I’m a good mum and that validated me somewhat. I have had terrible mental health in the past but have been on an even keel since having the children.

Today my 8 year old son told me that another boy said that your mum can’t have a baby because she’s too fat. The boy knows nothing about my previous struggles so it was just a random comment after seeing me drop my son off but my son was really upset and cried as all the other boys where laughing.

Honestly, my mental health has come crashing down. I feel so useless being an embarrassment to my children. I knew all my struggles were natures way of telling me I didn’t deserve to me a mum. And I don’t. I know I’m being ridiculous over a comment of a 7 year old child but it’s cut me to the bone.

Children can be very tactless so I wouldn't take it to heart, not knowing the context. And tell your DC that people come in all shapes and sizes but the most important thing is to be kind and thoughtful to each other and live happy and healthy lives and that's what you want for him.

My 5yo embarrassed me hugely a few weeks before Christmas by pointing and laughing at a man in a shop with severe acne. He didn't mean anything by it, he'd had chicken pox a few weeks before and thought this man had it too. But we had a long chat after that about how it can be hurtful to comment on others so we don't do it.

That's really shit OP, I'm sorry for everything you've been through.

That comment stings because it got you where it hurts. I get it. Some bratty child was being mean to mine in the playground the other week and told her 'your mum is really fat so when you grow up you're going to be fat too'.

The thing is, I'm not fat. I'm perfectly average sized (and so is my child). But I used to be 4 and a half stone heavier than I am now, until lockdown. When DD told me that, for a moment I felt so crushingly upset, embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Then I got a grip and dealt with it.

They could just as easily have insulted you in a another way that would have equally upset your DS, but not you. Try not to let it get to you, and if you're able, reframe it as a more positive thing - if a child has made you feel crappy about yourself like this maybe now would be a good time to take stock and make some healthy changes.

Alternately, change nothing and tell your child to punch the rude little sod on the nose next time!

(Joking. Sort of!)

Honestly kids say this shit op. They do it to take aim at the kid, not the parent. Kids are mean to each other. It’s not about you. Don’t take something a little seven year old said to heart.

and honestly, your kid will also say something mean at some point, maybe not on this, but something, when you’re not there. There isn’t a kid who hasn’t.

I'm fat. I've always been fat since I have had DS. When he was starting reception, I practiced with him. "Some kid says I'm fat, you say, I know, right?" "Some kid says your mum is super fat, you say, I know, right?" And this is what I said repeatedly to him, "I don't mind being fat, so you shouldn't mind that I am fat and that kids say things. Just keep saying, "Yeah, my mum is really fat." And let it go. It worked pretty well. Mostly kids are just looking to get a rise out of them. When they can't, they'll move on to something else. Here's the thing--I do mind being fat, but I didn't ever want him to know how I felt. I needed him to be free of feeling bad for me.

You can be a size 24 and struggle to concieve. You can be a size 6 and struggle to concieve. I see why you are hurt but try to move past it and teach your son that people can be nasty and say hurtful things but that's not what really matters. And btw you can be a size 24 and look awesome. Don't think of yourself as fat.