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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worried about niece

24 replies

Worriedsis10 · 20/02/2023 14:29

Posted in chat but got no replies. Really need to know what else we can do in this situation

NC for this

my sister is 31 and has a 2 year old daughter. When my niece was conceived she was in a relationship with a violent man who she had a harassment order out against. She also managed to get a council house with help from womens aid, his family decorated it and they moved in together, social services and womens aid had no idea he was still around. An argument happened one night and the police were called and he was arrested.

my sister spends her life on tiktok. Her whole life is documented on it. She has about 60000 followers who know every bit of her business. She does not work due to anxiety. I don’t believe she’s half an anxious as she says she is, she is constantly shopping, posts about 100 selfies a day, parties at the weekend, the council workers take her bins out and cuts her grass as she told them she can’t do it herself, I’m sorry but she has totally hammed up her issues in order not to work, she’s just lazy.

The ex boyfriend was stabbed and despite us pleading with her she decided to let him stay over to see my niece. We told social services. They had a word, she said he wouldn’t be around, it all kicked off, police called etc.

Then she got together with a new boyfriend. Decided he was too nice, started seeing his best friend and within a week he had moved in. All over tiktok for validation from idiots. Pictures of him in bed with my niece.

well it turns out the new boyfriend was released from prison just a few weeks ago for being involved in a drive by shooting. We informed social services, nothing has happened. We are at the end of our tethers with her, she’s an absolute idiot who seems to value her tiktok followers more than her daughters well-being. What else can we do.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 20/02/2023 14:32

Keep contacting Social Services and document everything. That poor kid. She doesn't stand a chance.

potniatheron · 20/02/2023 14:36

I'm really sorry that your neice is in this situation. She is lucky to have you looking out for her. As PP said, keep documenting and contacting SS.

Original poster
Worriedsis10 · 20/02/2023 14:37

We’ve spoken to them several times, apparently they just have a word, because my niece is clean, fed, well dressed (usually dolled up for a tiktok live 🤨) then they won’t do much. My sisters basic care of her is very good however she cannot see the danger she is putting my niece in by bringing these dangerous men around her. She’s convinced she’s got autism, she doesn’t, but the dla form is sent away anyway. She got a free place at a nursery, it’s quarter of a mile away from her house, the council send a mini bus to pick her up and she still can’t get out of bed in time for it. There’s nothing physically wrong with my sister at all, it’s just pure laziness.

OP posts:
Dnd123456 · 20/02/2023 14:40

I would be having my niece for sleepovers at my house as often as possible.

TimeForTeaAndG · 20/02/2023 14:41

Dnd123456 · 20/02/2023 14:40

I would be having my niece for sleepovers at my house as often as possible.

I was about to suggest similar. Ignore your sister's behaviour but engage with your neice as much as you can. At least that way she will have a stable adult in her life who is looking out for her.

newforest1 · 20/02/2023 14:44

Omg

SaltanVinegar · 20/02/2023 14:46

Continue to let social services know about anything new. Tell them she isn’t safeguarding her daughter. I have PR and residence of my niece, they will step in even when on a surface level the child looks clean and tidy. I’d also let the nursery know what what going on. Strange men in bed with a young child is a huge issue, and shows that your sister isn’t using any common sense here.

Grizzledstrawberry · 20/02/2023 14:47

Could you pretend to change your stance on her situation, play best friends and be around more for your niece? SS are shocking, my neighbour was reported multiple times for many reasons, she already has a SS worker but all they ever did was 'have a word' its terrible.

I dread to think what is going to happen to that child if she's moving random men in after a week.

Original poster
Worriedsis10 · 20/02/2023 14:55

I feel like we’re banging our heads of a brick wall. We know nothing will get done unless one of those men do something to her. They see a clean house and her sitting there with my niece like a pair of dolly birds and a bedroom full of toys and think it’s all fine. The only reason she gets so many toys is because people on tiktok gift her things, the whole thing makes me so angry. But when I seen the pics of this new man in bed with my niece I seen red. She just does not get it.

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 20/02/2023 14:56

A lot of your OP is coming across as very judgy to me and you're bringing up lifestyle choices that perhaps most of us here wouldn't engage in, but aren't necessarily 'wrong'. Nobody here, including you can really say or know whether it is autism, anxiety or laziness.

The moving unsuitable men in and allowing them free access to a 2 year old including sharing beds IS a safeguarding risk and it's what you should be concentrating on when you speak to Social Services. YANBU to keep flagging this repeatedly.

Original poster
Worriedsis10 · 20/02/2023 15:00

CremeEggThief · 20/02/2023 14:56

A lot of your OP is coming across as very judgy to me and you're bringing up lifestyle choices that perhaps most of us here wouldn't engage in, but aren't necessarily 'wrong'. Nobody here, including you can really say or know whether it is autism, anxiety or laziness.

The moving unsuitable men in and allowing them free access to a 2 year old including sharing beds IS a safeguarding risk and it's what you should be concentrating on when you speak to Social Services. YANBU to keep flagging this repeatedly.

Yes I am being judgy, if she was more judgy then I wouldn’t be posting this.

She doesn’t have the anxiety she claims to have to get money, I see it with my own eyes

My niece doesn’t have the autism she claims she has, I see her with my own eyes

She doesn’t want to work. she just wants to sit on social media all day getting validation and free stuff sent to her. And my niece is stuck in the middle of all this and could be in danger. So me being judgy is the least of her problems.

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedsis10 · 26/02/2023 21:18

Quick update

shes announced she’s pregnant and is over the moon.

OP posts:
Emmamoo89 · 26/02/2023 21:23

She sounds very unstable

Thatiswild · 26/02/2023 21:28

Oh my goodness, I think your sister needs some mental health support and you are right to keep reporting the safeguarding risk of having random men in bed with a 2 year old, I’m so sorry this sounds like a nightmare to be a part of.

Original poster
Worriedsis10 · 26/02/2023 21:34

She has lots of support but I don’t know if she tells them what they want to hear or if the agencies involved think if they make her life as easy as possible then she’ll get a grip. My niece has a free full time place at nursery which is great for her but she can never get out her bed in time for the bus that comes 1/4 mile up the road to take her there. She gets money for her ‘anxiety’ because she knows what to say to the doctors and benefit agencies, she does not have anxiety. She convinced the council she can’t take her bins out or cut her grass because she has a bad shoulder, she doesn’t. She’s just a total scrounger taking away from people who actually need help, you honestly couldn’t make it up. Everything is for validation and attention. This latest clown has a daughter and the usual bullshit story of her mum won’t allow him to see her. She’s been with him for 10 weeks and is 8 weeks pregnant. My niece is being forced to live this happy family scenario and no one seems to care. Because she’s clean and tidy and there’s no evidence of abuse social services will do nothing until something does happen.

OP posts:
Pearfacebananapoop · 26/02/2023 21:35

Wow that escalated quickly. Be interesting to see how the boyfriend reacts to this. He may be "over the moon" now but will it last. Is it his or the ex?

VestaTilley · 26/02/2023 21:40

Call the police if needs be, probation, NSPCC helpline and keep ringing social services until they act. Your sister sounds absolutely awful; your poor DNiece.

A good one to contact is your local MP - they’ll write to the Head of the Social Work Dept in your authority, and may take it up with the relevant Council Cabinet Member - then they’ll put pressure on social services to actually do something. Keep a written diary of all incidents.

Original poster
Worriedsis10 · 26/02/2023 21:42

Pearfacebananapoop · 26/02/2023 21:35

Wow that escalated quickly. Be interesting to see how the boyfriend reacts to this. He may be "over the moon" now but will it last. Is it his or the ex?

Apologies, I don’t think my post was clear, sorry

the boyfriend has a child from a previous relationship who he doesn’t see because apparently the mother won’t let him see the child.

my sister is now pregnant to him. Yes he’s delighted as well.

OP posts:
davegrohll · 26/02/2023 21:49

So did she get pregnant the first time they had sex or something if they've only been together 10 weeks and she's already 8 weeks pregnant ? Or am I being thick ??

ClareBlue · 26/02/2023 22:08

I think that's the point. She got pregnant within 2 weeks of meeting him and they are both delighted. He doesn't see his existing child because of how unreasonable the mother is. We all know this is BS 99 perc of the time and it is not the mother who is the problem. These dynamics are really worrying for the niece.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/02/2023 22:12

Unfortunately I think all you can do is keep reporting any concerns to social services when they arise to keep them on the radar and maintain the relationship with your niece as best you can. Aim to be a safe and stable presence in her life as best you can.

ilovesooty · 26/02/2023 22:16

Concentrate on the welfare and safeguarding issues rather than the obessession about her benefits.

Original poster
Worriedsis10 · 26/02/2023 22:39

🙄

OP posts:
DutifulDaughterWifeMother · 13/06/2024 00:51

Worriedsis10 · 26/02/2023 22:39

🙄

Hey OP, how are things now with your niece & sister?

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