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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dss 14 - what is normal and whats not?

31 replies

loopylou855 · 20/02/2023 13:38

DSS is 14, he comes over, stays in his room the whole weekend other than for food or loo.

DH lets him stay home when we go out, which i hate!

He lets him stay up all night gaming.

DH has dad guilt as we have had a baby so he doesn't want him to feel pushed out.

I get that but imo having boundaries and rules etc in place is in dss's best interests other than letting him rule the roost.

AIBU? I dont have a teen boy so I dont know.

OP posts:
PickledOwl · 20/02/2023 14:20

Its all normal

Entice out with nice food

Limit the gaming. I think 11.30pm at that age on a weekend and used to being allowed all night, is the compromise

Radiatorvalves · 20/02/2023 14:24

My boys are older teens now, but I don’t think it’s normal to be in their room all day. Some yes (they are supposed to be revising at the moment), but they need to get some fresh air. Yesterday my 16 yo met a mate for a kick around in the park, did some homework, some gaming, but bed about 11. I wouldn’t let him game all night.

I think your DH needs to step up and get to know his son better. Lunch, park…. Anything!

Goodread1 · 20/02/2023 14:29

I think the late night definately gaming is not healthy for him,

Why don't you both encourage him to join a youth club, marital Arts Club self defence ect something that he could definitely get into,

Is he interested in nature /wildlife conservation for e.g
Why not look into joining a naturalist society or look into volunteering opportunities you can do as little or as much as you like,
Surprising range of choice with volunteering opportunities too,

Goodread1 · 20/02/2023 14:45

His father needs to spend some regular quality together on that basis , just feeling guilty on his dad's part, is not helpful beneficial really,

Look at doing interesting stuff together as a family sometimes or on a more regular basis
aswell as spending quality one to one with him too

Also can you encourage him to get involved in friendly way in family stuff , so he doesn't feel unwittingly pushed out,

So makes him feel bit more of family unit, not like a spare part of this family unit,

I mean ask for his view points in regard of family life for his input on stuff such as for e.g decorating the house, and doing cooking 🍳 together quality time with his dad or doing helping to do Diy/or and gardening with Dad and yourself as it's often easier to talk about stuff personal stuff whilst doing things,
It does not then feel like you being interviewed kind of feeling,

If you don't have a garden?
Put your name on a waiting list for Allotments garden?

Respect his viewpoints but also important to ensure you as a family have boundaries, based on respect and harmony at home,

But also realise Op, and respect that he needs quality time space for himself too,

It's finding a balance

Find out what stuff , what kinds of activities is he interested in or and curious in,?
So he can join clubs ect

Comedycook · 20/02/2023 14:50

I have a 14 year old DS. He does spend a lot of time in his room. That's pretty normal. He is left home alone for a couple of hours in the daytime if we are out...that's also normal. I don't allow him to game all night. His devices turn off at 9.30pm.

lailamaria · 20/02/2023 15:06

he's 14, of course he should be allowed to be home alone, and so should your future children at that age, you sound extremely overprotective

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