To suggest this to my friend

[carpi]

My friend's ex-husband died. Cremation next week. My friend is panicking, as she thinks she needs to go there, but can not face his family. Been divorced 12years, have grownup DCs, ex didn't even go to their DCs wedding, grandchildren christening, etc.
Her ex has been really cruel to her, she had really hard life because of him.
I am thinking to suggest to her not to go at all to his cremation. AIBU to suggest this?
Although I understand it will be a closure for her, but she literally can not sleep and her anxiety is through the roof already.
Would I look very insensitive to suggest to her not to go?

I don't think it would be insensitive to mention it. From my experience, anxiety can cause some people to want reassurance from others, so you may actually help her anxieties an awful lot by just letting her know it's OK not to attend. Are you able to arrange something with her on the day of the cremation to help take her mind off it? If she feels she needs some sort of closure, there are many other things she could do instead of attending. Writing a letter, visiting his 'burial' site (if he has one) to verbalise her feelings towards him, speaking to a counseller may help too. Perhaps presenting her with other options may help her rationalise her fear an ease the pressure of thinking she has to attend.

I would agree she shouldn’t go but if she wants to then maybe you could go to support her and slope off early/sit at the back

There is nothing wrong with mentioning it at all she does not need permission not to go

This is really up to her so I would mention it once then just leave it to her to decide (just thinking not saying what you personally should do)