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Original poster

Dad's partner telling lies

13 replies

TutiFrutti · 19/02/2023 23:21

Brief history:
Mum passed away a long time ago. Dad has new partner, all good, everyone v happy for him as he was very lonely on his own. They've been together several years. Trouble is she's very insecure and possessive, she's alienated lifelong family friends so they no longer visit as they didn't feel welcome.
She listens in to my phone conversations with him which on the whole I ignore until she starts shouting when I say something she doesn't like at which point I usually ask her to stop and end the call calmly.
Now she's accused me of withholding contact of my children (not true we do visit although try to meet dad away from the house as much as possible) because of an alleged row she had with my husband. There was no row, he made a joke she didn't like and she huffed a bit but this was over 5yrs ago and it's never been mentioned since!
Would I be unreasonable to confront her? or shall I just grey rock it like I do most of the time with her nonsense?
Dad generally wants a quiet life so won't stand up to her and I don't want to make him unhappy as she'll invariably give him a hard time.

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 19/02/2023 23:36

Why do you let her get away with eavesdropping your phone calls with your dad? She sounds like a controlling nightmare - I'd be asking her if WTF she's playing at, & telling her to sod off out of my time with my dad.

Can you take dad out on his own, & let him know that she;s shitstirring, but you're in his corner if he needs you>

Original poster
TutiFrutti · 19/02/2023 23:42

KettrickenSmiled · 19/02/2023 23:36

Why do you let her get away with eavesdropping your phone calls with your dad? She sounds like a controlling nightmare - I'd be asking her if WTF she's playing at, & telling her to sod off out of my time with my dad.

Can you take dad out on his own, & let him know that she;s shitstirring, but you're in his corner if he needs you>

I've done that, I've told him he doesn't seem happy and he's just saying he's fine, she's a nice person etc etc.
I generally let him live his life.
He's quite deaf so always has the phone on loudspeaker hence she hears every word then interjects. I've asked her to stop, she does for a while then it gradually creeps back in.
I tend to just avoid going to the house now and meet him out and about as she never comes.

OP posts:
nats2010 · 20/02/2023 00:53

Ha I feel I could.have written this myself. If your father is the type to take.any option for the easy life.and stick his head in the sand then you are safer not saying anything as she will likely not change. On the other hand it is very liberating to tell someone how you absolutely feel about them and to tell them where to go!!! I feel for you OP. Crap situation all round.

TulaDoesTheHula · 20/02/2023 01:07

He's quite deaf so always has the phone on loudspeaker hence she hears every word then interjects.

That’s not eavesdropping.

Original poster
TutiFrutti · 20/02/2023 09:02

TulaDoesTheHula · 20/02/2023 01:07

He's quite deaf so always has the phone on loudspeaker hence she hears every word then interjects.

That’s not eavesdropping.

It is when she constantly interjects and talks over anything she doesn't agree with.
She went so far as to snatch the phone out of his hand once and proceeded to shout at me.

OP posts:
lazycats · 20/02/2023 09:04

You have a very different definition of 'all good' to me. She sounds awful and if the genders were reversed I hope you'd see how sinister it is.

Original poster
TutiFrutti · 20/02/2023 09:05

nats2010 · 20/02/2023 00:53

Ha I feel I could.have written this myself. If your father is the type to take.any option for the easy life.and stick his head in the sand then you are safer not saying anything as she will likely not change. On the other hand it is very liberating to tell someone how you absolutely feel about them and to tell them where to go!!! I feel for you OP. Crap situation all round.

You're right, she won't change and dad will hate it.
Sorry you're in a similar situation, it really is horrible.

OP posts:
Original poster
TutiFrutti · 20/02/2023 09:11

lazycats · 20/02/2023 09:04

You have a very different definition of 'all good' to me. She sounds awful and if the genders were reversed I hope you'd see how sinister it is.

I've said this myself. I meant all good in the sense we were all happy he'd found a companion to share his life with.
We've all tried to talk to him but it's fallen on deaf ears.
Feels like we have no choice but to watch it happen. I've been quite outspoken but my concerns get ignored (usually after some histrionics from her)

OP posts:
Danneigh · 20/02/2023 09:36

Staying away for 5 years over a non argument that's never been mentioned again sounds odd though! I wouldnt keep away from my Dads house because of her, I would still want the best relationship I could with my Dad, she would just be irrelevant.

parietal · 20/02/2023 09:49

your Dad should get the kind of hearing aid that fits in your ear and connects directly to your iphone. they are brilliant and then he will be able to hear perfectly on phone calls without her being able to hear a word.

Reugny · 20/02/2023 09:58

Would I be unreasonable to confront her? or shall I just grey rock it like I do most of the time with her nonsense?

Grey rock it.

If she has managed to drive away other family friends - they will all have different characters and personalities - then she is working on driving you away to. She will then turn around and blame you for it.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 20/02/2023 10:04

With respect OP Your dad is not a child or an invalid. He is a big part of this mess and you are also a part of it because they live together and whatever has gone on in the past has not been properly addressed.
You should all sit down and talk. It should also be mentioned that people stay way and ask her what is the reason for this or it will only get worse and worse

Reugny · 20/02/2023 10:08

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 20/02/2023 10:04

With respect OP Your dad is not a child or an invalid. He is a big part of this mess and you are also a part of it because they live together and whatever has gone on in the past has not been properly addressed.
You should all sit down and talk. It should also be mentioned that people stay way and ask her what is the reason for this or it will only get worse and worse

A person who grabs the phone to scream at someone they aren't on the phone call with, is not a person the OP will be able to reason with.

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