To contact the mother of a kid I think could be my nephew?

[alphasox]

Considering opening a can of worms - WIBU to contact a woman who I suspect had a child with my (now dead) brother even though the child is now 11-13 and knows nothing about me and my family, and it might not even be my brothers child?

my brother was troubled and led a double life -
he never shared any info about his life with me or our parents other than odd little snippets.

when he died 10 years ago my parents had the impression he had a partner and they thought they knew her first name, but had no way to contact her. We put a death notice on my brother’s fb but no one from his other life ever came forward and contacted us.

because it was recently the anniversary of his death I had been digging around on Social media and have a discovered a woman who was connected to my brother (she was in one group photo on his fb but there were more pics of them both on her channels). I then see this woman has a son who I estimate is aged about 12 and has some of my brother’s looks about him. I also guess from some of the comments from her friends that she has raised the boy alone.

I have an itch that I want to find out if my detective work is correct and he is my brother’s son. or has my brain just made a leap too far? After so long should I leave it alone?

Do I have the right to interfere? this is potentially messy for her and her son, and my parents would be very shocked. I don’t know if they’d be glad to know about a potential grandson or if they’d be angry at me for dragging up the past as my brother’s life and death really messed them up a bit. I don’t know what to do for the best.

Keep the child and others well out of it, 100%.

No harm in talking to the mum really, as long as you are fully accepting of the reality that whatever she says is the absolute truth.

This is very likely just grief and you should get counselling.

When you as approach her, introduce yourself and explain who your brother was and she looks very familiar and if she knew him.

If she’d says no, then it’s a no

If she says yes then you can ask how she knew him etc You could even be cheeky enough to say she looks like a girl he dated.

If no, it’s a no.

If yes then maybe a joke about if she’s the one that had his secret love child because he had one.

If it’s a no….

The worst possible outcome is that you start obsessing and making this women feeling vulnerable with her child.

If I had the above conversation with you and then I ever saw you near me or my child again in an unsettling way, I’d phone the police.

Thanks for your thoughts @Abba123 -
really helpful. You are right this is grief, so it’s hard to know how to think straight.

I don’t live anywhere near this woman and don’t know her address, I’d only be contacting on fb, so she could easily block me if she didn’t want to know.

I would contact her. One of mine doesnt know their family for similar reasons and I would love them to get in touch some day. All she can do is admit, deny or block. Best of luck x

If you do contact her, just contact her, leave your parents and the kid out if this. The chances of this child being your brothers are vanishingly small, and even if he was there’s an equally slim chance she’d admit it and let you be involved. But if you can’t let it lie then message her privately.