Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or was this dad OTT?

28 replies

footballdadgate · 19/02/2023 15:12

Name changed as it's identifying.

This morning I was at a football class with DS (3). We go every week and the class is for 2.5-3.5year olds. It's all very lighthearted and focuses on basic football skills & general games. All parents participate with their toddler & help them and there's usually a couple of coaches sometimes more.

Today they were playing a game involving cones and at the end the coach asked the children to collect the cones and stack them up. Most kids were doing this including DS. One boy was holding a cone, sort of being encouraged / pulled by the hand by the dad to 'help'. It was the last cone.

DS ran up to the boy & took the cone. I intervened straight away and made DS give it back and say sorry. I explained to DS (in front of boy & dad) that we had to be kind and share. The other boy cried and didn't want the cone back. I said I'm really sorry he made you sad and then apologised to the dad too. DS left the cone on the floor next to the boy.

I fully accept this wasn't ideal behaviour from DS but he's just 3 and as far as I'm concerned it's general toddler behaviour which he apologised for & I spoke to him. This sort of thing happens ALL the time in these classes, I mean for goodness sake it's a toddler football club.

Anyway, the dad kind of shouted at the boy 'do you just want to go home' and the boy said yes and they stormed out & drove off.

I felt absolutely dreadful & it's been playing on my mind since. Was the Dad OTT or AIBU here?

What else could I have done? DS is normally pretty good but he was just over excited today and got carried away. I did my best to resolve it & explain why we don't do that. He is a typical 3 year old, surely this stuff happens between kids.

OP posts:
thaisweetchill · 19/02/2023 15:15

Nothing more you could have done really but I don't see an over reaction from the dad from what you've said? I would have done the same as you though so YANBU.

JauntyJinty · 19/02/2023 15:17

It sounds to me like as it was the end of class anyway the dad decided to just get the kid out rather than calm him down there to then leave? Would've probably helped to remove/distract the upset child

I8toys · 19/02/2023 15:18

It was fine - don't overthink it. The dad didn't overreact.

Merryoldgoat · 19/02/2023 15:18

Firstly, I cannot see any reason for you to think you or your child were in the wrong, as you say typical 3yo behaviour.

The dad sounds OTT, however, judging these interactions is a fool’s errand as you have no idea what is going on beneath the surface.

You would’ve seen my son crying yesterday and me shouting at the cinema.

You didn’t see the hour of bollocks beforehand that led to it.

Original poster
footballdadgate · 19/02/2023 15:19

Just to clarify it was not the end of the class. It had only been running 5 mins and they were packing away from the warm up. Sorry I see how the OP didn't make that clear.

OP posts:
Kic · 19/02/2023 15:19

I'm not sure what the dad said/did that was supposed to be OTT.
From your description he'd been trying to chivvy his DS into taking part. The boy just wasn't interested. The dad asked if he wanted to go home and they both left.

I don't think anyone did anything wrong here.

Spiderboy · 19/02/2023 15:21

His son was crying and wanted to go home so they left. I think you’re over thinking it

VladmirsPoutine · 19/02/2023 15:22

I don't think he overreacted but you probably did a lot more than a lot of parents would have done to try to rectify the situation. Did the dad really shout and storm off? That's a bit off but then you can't know the events that lead to this reaction if it's as you said it happened.

ANiceSliceOfCake · 19/02/2023 15:22

That could of been that boys 100th cry that morning and the dad had had enough. (I feel
that)

You sound lovely. Honestly try not to overthink it. Just kids being kids.

Original poster
footballdadgate · 19/02/2023 15:24

Reassuring that most people seem to think I'm overthinking this.
I just felt absolutely dreadful that something DS did made the other boy upset & ruined the class for him but it's good to hear it was probably just the final straw.

I'm feeling bad, I don't know the boy or the dad but I'd hate to have ruined it for them.

OP posts:
Goldplatedbag · 19/02/2023 15:25

I think the dad was more likely embarrassed by his own child's behaviour than annoyed at yours.

Original poster
footballdadgate · 19/02/2023 15:27

Of course we all have times the toddlers are shockers.
DS can definitely push boundaries (& my buttons) when he feels like it,
Everyone is usually understanding & it's laid back but I guess I'm just sad DS being a PITA upset the boy so much.
Both kids have probably long forgotten about it

OP posts:
Lauz841 · 19/02/2023 15:30

It sounds like the boy had a bad day, the dad was trying his best to get him to join in, he wasn't interested, started crying (perhaps for the 20th time) over nothing and so he gave up and just took him home.

Probably wasn't you or your child he was annoyed with.

FictionalCharacter · 19/02/2023 15:33

You haven’t ruined anything for anyone. Stop blaming yourself for two 3 year olds being 3 year olds!

MarshaMelrose · 19/02/2023 15:34

Your son might not even have upset the boy. From what you say he didn't seem that into collecting the cones anyway so it might be that he was doing that wailing over everything and that's why his dad took him home. Who knows what's going on in that 3yo mind other than he'll definitely be thinking about it a lot less than you. Lol.

tirednewmumm · 19/02/2023 15:38

Our daughter of similar age is sleeping badly atm and totally knackered, it's 50/50 whether a class would distract her or tip her over the edge so I might give it a go and if she was in tears during warm up just chalk it up to a lost cause and leave🤷🏻‍♀️

Mariposista · 19/02/2023 15:39

Some kids will just cry over anything. Don’t think about this anymore OP. Sounds like he needs some big boy pants for the next session.

MelaniesFlowers · 19/02/2023 15:44

The problems here are not the toddlers but you guys as parents!

You for thinking your toddler ruined an experience for another toddler (you are putting unnecessary blame on him here) and the dad for giving in and not teaching his little one resilience.

It’s an important lesson that not everything always goes our way and other people don’t always react how we would want them to but we need to work around that.

If he’s going to remove his kid every time it doesn’t go his way the kid is just going to end up anxious and spoiled.

MelaniesFlowers · 19/02/2023 15:46

Mariposista · 19/02/2023 15:39

Some kids will just cry over anything. Don’t think about this anymore OP. Sounds like he needs some big boy pants for the next session.

Well that’s a terrible message to send.

”Big boy pants”? As though he shouldn’t be upset?

It is always okay to be upset regardless of age. Children should never be taught to hide their feelings and be a “big boy/girl”. They should be taught how to deal with it in a healthy way.

rwalker · 19/02/2023 15:57

My money’s on there already been a drama about going before they got there

not your son’s fault don’t think the dad owes ott

Mumuser124 · 19/02/2023 16:02

Are you sure the dad wasn’t fed up because his son was crying and making a fuss?

Cocobutt · 19/02/2023 16:21

Sounds like the boy had been a bit of a misery all day and then when he cried over this and didn’t want the cone back, the dad admitted defeat and just took him home.

Your son didn’t cause this.
Sometimes when they’re tired or not feeling well they just need to go home.

Sometimes you can get them to snap out of it but sometimes you need to just give in.

Sounds like the dad was just tired of his behaviour which is understandable.

If you see him next week then you can go and chat to him and say I hope you didn’t go home because of your son and then he’ll probably say he had been like it all day.

TheOriginalEmu · 19/02/2023 16:37

I think you’ve misread why the dad was annoyed. I think he was frustrated his kid wasn’t helping to tidy up, maybe he’d been playing up before and the crying was the last straw before he gave up and went home. I don’t think it was because of your ds or you.

Mickardoe · 19/02/2023 16:49

Don't give it any more headspace. I long ago gave up being surprised by some of the dads' parents' behaviour at tiny children's football lessons.

Or maybe he was just having a bad day.

namechangeforthisbleep · 19/02/2023 17:43

Dramatic