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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish for an adults only pub?

187 replies

Floofydawg · 19/02/2023 07:39

I mean, when did it become acceptable Saturday afternoon entertainment for small children to take them to the pub?

Walked into our local yesterday to what appeared to be a badly run nursery. One small child with iPad on, sound up. Large group of adults ignoring child, who is clearly bored. Starts crying loudly and mother/auntie decides to imitate child and pretend cry, very loudly.

Another group with four small children making a ridiculous amount of noise, so much so that the bar staff had to have a word with them as she couldn't hear to answer the phone. We were struggling to have a conversation.

Is it too much to ask for a quiet pint in a pub without having to listen to screeching kids?

OP posts:
Daisybee6 · 20/02/2023 08:18

Just find somewhere else.

You can't expect a whole pub's ethos to change just because it doesn't suit you

ItsCalledAConversation · 20/02/2023 08:35

Oblomov23 · 19/02/2023 17:59

I'd like quite a lot of adult only places. I often want to go out with Dh, or friends, and I don't want kids there. I've left my older ds's at home, I don't want to be around kids thanks.

Agree the absolute worst thing is when you’ve left your kids at home/paid for a babysitter only to find the place you’ve gone full of other people’s kids!!

SleepingStandingUp · 20/02/2023 09:06

Sparklingbrook · 20/02/2023 08:08

How do they police that?

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ID, the same way they can do no kids

SleepingStandingUp · 20/02/2023 09:09

@Jerseylaura said she does NOT judge iPAD use not she does.

But yeah, don'tet her do they. She's going to get hurt or hurt some else.

And you know any woman tapping on their phone whilst smiling indulgently is posting a ]MN thread about you on AIBU

ghostyslovesheets · 20/02/2023 09:13

My favourite pub is 18+ only and it’s bliss

just won pub of the year and has also won beer garden of the year - no kids - I love it!

VioletaDelValle · 20/02/2023 09:22

SleepingStandingUp · 20/02/2023 09:09

@Jerseylaura said she does NOT judge iPAD use not she does.

But yeah, don'tet her do they. She's going to get hurt or hurt some else.

And you know any woman tapping on their phone whilst smiling indulgently is posting a ]MN thread about you on AIBU

Ah yes, I see that now. Apologies

BrightPurple · 20/02/2023 09:27

@thefemaleJoshLyman we found this too when we were in London and DS was younger.

They let dogs stay but not kids 😆

Meeko86 · 20/02/2023 09:30

FineThings · 19/02/2023 09:35

This is the exact post I was going to write down to the massive plastic tree. Did our parents frequent the same Essex pub or did they come as standard?

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I’m in Hampshire and we also had them here, infact they seem to retire here if you go to 4 kingdoms adventure park there is a field full of said trees 🤣

Forgooodnesssakenow · 20/02/2023 09:33

ItsCalledAConversation · 19/02/2023 08:01

A screen is not the only way to settle a child for a meal/social time out in a pub or restaurant. It beggars belief that suddenly people think it’s running around screaming OR a screen, no in between.

Our kids have literally never watched screens at the table. It’s the one single sloppy parenting thing I fully judge people for. Of course they have screen time at other times, I’m not a weirdo! But I don’t believe the family mealtime is the time to be shut off on screens. Kids should be chatting, playing cards/ tabletop games/stickers/colouring/ fiddling with ketchup packets (when desperate we have been known to play ketchup/mayo sachet domino’s)…there is literally no excuse for giving your child a screen at the table, that way they will never learn what’s expected of them in that kind of space. They will never learn social skills/conversation/sitting quietly. I don’t buy the argument that they get social skills at other times, sure they do, but not skills that apply to this particular behaviour, sitting still and quiet and enjoying a family meal out. My kids are 7 and 9 for reference. They’re not angels but we eat out enjoyably with them because we’ve done this with them since they were tiny.

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It's child dependant, my daughter is 18 months old and will happily draw, colour, play with a doll and bottle,, play peekaboo, run cars round the table while waiting for food etc.

My eldest was an incredibly active toddler who also gets overwhelmed in crowds, there just was no chance of him just sitting still and at 5 there still isn't. Having tried every other avenue if we need to go somewhere more involved than a softplay cafe or McDonald's I always take his switch. We try all other avenues, if he's really struggling he quietly plays a game.

If I'd only had a child like my daughter I'd judge parents with a child like my son. But you get the child you get.

Meeko86 · 20/02/2023 09:36

We love a pub lunch and take the kids as they enjoy it too but in colder weather bring a bag of colouring stuff, tablets and books. In the summer we use pubs loads but only if they have a kids play area it’s just not relaxing otherwise. I think taking kids out to eat in a pub or restaurant is important teachs them how to behave in these places and a nice treat. It’s definitely the parents that were in the wrong on this occasion but even they might have underestimated how much noise all their kids together would produce as I do big pub meet ups like this but only when it’s beer garden weather! That noise inside would drive me insane let alone everyone else trying to have a nice drink or meal.

pinkyredrose · 20/02/2023 10:16

FeinCuroxiVooz · 19/02/2023 09:48

@pinkyredrose catpub.co.uk/

Wow! Looks fabulous!

SuperSonicMonic · 20/02/2023 10:30

I don’t mind if they behave, but usually the parent’s stuck to their phone whilst Wayne/tter run amok. One time I’d got a little shit crawling along the back of my seat, they fell off onto the seat next to me. Of course this became a thing where 2 of them were flinging themselves over the back of the chair. The 2 mom’s sat there chatting oblivious.

pristinesurfacesGBTD · 20/02/2023 10:42

I agree, pubs are not and should not be a place for (unruly) kids. Some parents use pubs as a child minding service while they go about their eating / drinking / reading the paper / chatting to their friends. If families are going to a pub to eat, then they should have their meal, keep the kids at the table and then fuck off home when they're finished eating. Most adults go to the pub to wind down, have a drink, meet their friends, have a chat or a quiet read. They don't want to sit in a noisy playground. I hate (unruly) kids in pubs. Not sure if I'm getting my point across here .....

I guess pubs with outdoor spaces are different, but even then I can't bear it when kids run wild and parents let them.

(leans back, waits for onslaught 😎)

ItsCalledAConversation · 20/02/2023 11:06

Forgooodnesssakenow · 20/02/2023 09:33

It's child dependant, my daughter is 18 months old and will happily draw, colour, play with a doll and bottle,, play peekaboo, run cars round the table while waiting for food etc.

My eldest was an incredibly active toddler who also gets overwhelmed in crowds, there just was no chance of him just sitting still and at 5 there still isn't. Having tried every other avenue if we need to go somewhere more involved than a softplay cafe or McDonald's I always take his switch. We try all other avenues, if he's really struggling he quietly plays a game.

If I'd only had a child like my daughter I'd judge parents with a child like my son. But you get the child you get.

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Hmm, I also have a DD who is content to sit/draw and a DS who would always have been happier playing a game or running around, it comes down to your boundaries snd how you parent doesn’t it. If it’s a simply a flat no to screens at the table then it doesn’t become an issue. My DS is a crack addict for screens and will nag about it from the moment he opens his eyes in the morning, but I am firm with limits.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 20/02/2023 11:43

ItsCalledAConversation · 20/02/2023 11:06

Hmm, I also have a DD who is content to sit/draw and a DS who would always have been happier playing a game or running around, it comes down to your boundaries snd how you parent doesn’t it. If it’s a simply a flat no to screens at the table then it doesn’t become an issue. My DS is a crack addict for screens and will nag about it from the moment he opens his eyes in the morning, but I am firm with limits.

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See my son DOESNT nag about it, he wants to be outside, riding his bike, on his scooter, up a tree, he doesn't enjoy TV really, will watch the odd 5/10 minutes for an episode of something but wouldn't sit and watch a Disney movie for example, he finds sitting still hard, as I say we engage him in every activity under the sun, he has maths books with whiteboard style markers and he'll do sums in those for a while but ultimately if we wants a quiet lunch where he's not desparate to get back on his scooter before we've eaten the switch comes out. Even then he'll play 15/20 minutes and it's back to can we go, can we stop at the park etc. Hence my point, the judgement is based on a particular kind of child. My son's switch has an alarm that goes off after an hour of use,rarely do we hot the alarm in a day. Yet if you saw us out, having lunch you'd assume he was a screen addict.

Ponoka7 · 20/02/2023 12:36

EmmaGrundyForPM · 20/02/2023 07:48

One of our local pubs has a "no under 25s" rule. It's great.

That's fine there are other venues in the area, but I don't agree with people buying businesses and making them no go areas for whole groups of people. I hope that it's challenged under the equality act and it has to go to 18+.

Soapyspuds · 20/02/2023 12:40

I would equally love humans only pub. Stuggle to visit country pubs of late without them being full of dogs.

Ponoka7 · 20/02/2023 12:47

Re screens at the table. My youngest 25 is autistic and my GC have additional needs. I let my youngest have her DS when dining out/on holiday and tbh it's done her and her peer group who were also allowed, no harm. She and them work full time and haven't turned into what many in MN thinks they will because they were allowed screens at the table/allowed to game. So my GC are allowed their iPads to play silent games on. They don't watch television and never watched children's programmes. I'm my DD's childcare. If we don't take them then neither of us get to have someone else cook us a meal, occasionally and we want decent food. I don't know what I'd do if they were NT and in the case of the youngest had to wait for hearing aids, so it meant conversations were at near shouting levels, which got a lot of judgement. Don't look at a family and think that you know what is going on. I used to get stared at in the street because I had to shout for her to hear.

BrassicaBabe · 20/02/2023 13:20

Oh heavens. I'm having a flashback! We used to go into a pub after work in the 2000s. It was a nice pub, serving food etc but it was also a drinking pub. I remember our group being told off for swearing. The general consensus then was "we're adults, in an adult space, if you don't like the conversation go somewhere else". BlushBlush We were all professionals etc etc.

20 years on and I'm a parent. But I'm on the fence on this topic 🤣🤣

DonnaBanana · 20/02/2023 13:48

anotheragain · 19/02/2023 08:07

Large group of adults ignoring child, who is clearly bored. Starts crying loudly and mother/auntie decides to imitate child and pretend cry, very loudly

And your response was, ‘poor me, all this noise!’

Rather than, ‘that poor child being raised by cruel, inadequate parents’.?

Since when is it your business to get involved in other people's parenting? Are you one of those people who sticks their nose in and complains at other parents?

pristinesurfacesGBTD · 20/02/2023 13:58

Soapyspuds · 20/02/2023 12:40

I would equally love humans only pub. Stuggle to visit country pubs of late without them being full of dogs.

I was going to say something about noisy dogs in my previous post but didn't want to start WW3 🤣

DanseAvecLesLoup · 20/02/2023 14:00

Ponoka7 · 20/02/2023 12:36

That's fine there are other venues in the area, but I don't agree with people buying businesses and making them no go areas for whole groups of people. I hope that it's challenged under the equality act and it has to go to 18+.

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Pubs & clubs can set their own age entry requirements under the terms of their licence. As a licensee you do have the right to refuse entry to whomever you wish, however the reasons for any refusal must not be unlawful, i.e. race, religion, sex or sexual orientation and disability etc.

DanseAvecLesLoup · 20/02/2023 14:05

pristinesurfacesGBTD · 20/02/2023 13:58

I was going to say something about noisy dogs in my previous post but didn't want to start WW3 🤣

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I think my local landlord has it spot on, he is a freeholder so has a bit more latitude as to what goes on. Dogs with good temperaments that just chill under the table or lie by the fire are allowed in. Yappy little bark machines are not. Well behaved children before 8pm, not a bother. Noisey misbehaving kids and their parents are asked to leave. He has been running the boozer for over 30 years and is always full so he must be doing something right.

Original poster
Floofydawg · 20/02/2023 14:07

@DonnaBanana well quite. I can't care about every random child I encounter who may or may not not have crap parents.

OP posts:
pristinesurfacesGBTD · 20/02/2023 14:12

DanseAvecLesLoup · 20/02/2023 14:05

I think my local landlord has it spot on, he is a freeholder so has a bit more latitude as to what goes on. Dogs with good temperaments that just chill under the table or lie by the fire are allowed in. Yappy little bark machines are not. Well behaved children before 8pm, not a bother. Noisey misbehaving kids and their parents are asked to leave. He has been running the boozer for over 30 years and is always full so he must be doing something right.

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Sounds perfect