Have you ever had to quit nursery?

[merciboocoo]

Went back to work recently after maternity leave and my dd who is almost 1 is really struggling with nursery. I expected it to an extent as we haven't really had any time apart. She is a very clingy baby with a few health problems and I don't have family to look after her anyway. So we've quite literally never spent more than a few hours away from each other. For this reason I knew nursery would be a challenge for us both but I didn't realise just quite how bad it would be.

She isn't settling 3 weeks in. She gets overwhelmed with things like meal times and doesn't eat. She doesn't sleep properly there despite being in a brilliant routine with her naps and meals prior to this. I just feel so so bad. Like I'm traumatising her somehow. She doesn't understand why I'm suddenly leaving her 3 days a week in a place she doesn't like. It breaks my heart every time and I feel anxious about taking her.

I wondered if anyone else has been through this and if it eventually got better? I know logically I ought to give it a fair chance but it's so hard. I'm so tempted to just quit and either take leave from work or try and work with her at home with me. I know that can't be a long term solution though. Has anyone here ever actually pulled their dc out of nursery for this reason? Or is it something we both have to stick out?

Op why would she understand your leaving her?
She obviously isn't a ready to be separated yet.

I would look at all other options and see what you can do.

Unpopular opinion, but not all nurseries are created equal. My DD loved nursery, until a year in the full staff changed - nightmare for 4-5 weeks - then we decided to search for another place, and she settled in there within literally 2 days (whilst very much being a TT )
I would recommend looking at another place if you can, you can’t loose much with it

There aren't many options.

Quit work - can't afford to.
Work from home with her here with me - won't work for anyone.
Childcare of some kind - separating her from me.

The nursery I've chosen is small and I do like it. I don't think there's much wrong with the nursery itself. I just think she doesn't want to be away from me and is finding the new environment and other kids new and maybe overwhelming. Maybe a childminder would be more suitable but I don't want to confuse her even more if she might settle down in a few weeks. It's really hard.

OP has made clear a childminder isn’t an option (often unreliable so you’re swapping one issue for another) and she needs to work.

You’re only 3 weeks in. You’ve never left her before, it’s very early days. She’ll settle down - it’s a pity you couldn’t have left with friends before to get her a little used to it - but she really will be ok. And it’s only 3 days per week, not really very much of the week.

@merciboocoo once they reach the stage where separation anxiety is a thing, you may well find that whenever you start to leave her, she'll go through a period of being upset at the initial parting. There are no doubt a few children 6 months upwards who happily start being left without a backward glance, but I imagine they're few and far between! Your dd's reaction is normal, and she is learning that you will return and that she can be safe and comfortable in other environments than at home with you. I remember being peeled screaming off my mother when I started school - my mother was a SAHM and

Posted too soon!
My mother was a SAHM and I'd never been apart before school because pre-school and nursery wasn't such a thing back then.
So take comfort from the fact that this would likely happen at some point, and your dd will settle, I know it's hard when you're in the thick of it but it will pass.
My last child wasn't left until she was older (6 months) because ML had been extended by then and tbh she took a while to settle at nursery, unlike dd1 who has been left from 12 weeks and never had any separation anxiety. All very normal.

Can your partner help in anyway with drop offs or pick ups to make it a little easier on yourself?

have you spoken to the nursery what do they suggest?

does she take in a favourite teddy?

although it’s hard if you have to work it’s really the only option for her to be elsewhere. You wouldn’t be able to work and give her the interaction she needs and she will be learning new skills at the nursery

I had this with my two OP it does get easier in most cases. With my first the nursery did 6 weeks worth of settling in session and I remember she still cried when I dropped her off so I know it took quite afew months.
With my second we had to attend a different nursery who only offered two one hour settling in sessions and I knew this would not be enough. So I started him off on just two half day sessions a week and built it up to 3 full days. I feel like this massively helped. Could you maybe shorten her days/pick her up abit earlier whilst she is finding it hard.

I also found they were much better when DH dropped them off than me. I think as I was the primary caregiver they were more clingy to me so it wasn't as hard for them to leave DH.
Hope she settles soon

Hi, sorry if this isn't the right area but would love some advice to anyone still following. My little one is due to start nursery very soon and I have severe anxiety about it. She's currently 7 months and I don't leave her with anyone apart from DP, and even then it's only for short periods as she is breastfed and won't take a bottle (although started taking a sippy cup now).

I haven't been at all anxious about other areas of our life such as vaccines, weaning, naps etc but I am just so consumed with worry about leaving her and her being distressed (I can't bear it when she gets very upset).

So back onto the nursery topic... I know it will be great for her and I have to go back to work so I've been trying to talk myself happy about it but I am really struggling. I am considering taking anti anxiety medication as she settles in... just until she is adjusted there. I have previously tried propranol on the odd occasion I have needed it.

Has anyone done similar and has it helped? I am nursing and I have read that it is passed through in trace amounts but fine for nursing mums, although i will of course check with the Dr.

If your convinced it's a good nursery, stick it out. Mine took two months to settle in but after that she loved it

Hey OP, I went back to work when my son was 13mo. He's 15mo now and I've been back just under 8 ish weeks.

Our initial set up was this:

Mondays with my parents
Tues
Wed
Fri at Nursery
Thurs off so he was with me.

I work as a non clinical midwife doing 8-6 4 days/week so the only feasible option for us for childcare was the on site nursery. Thankfully I really liked the setting and the staff!

The first week he was absolutely fine and I thought it was going to be a breeze. The second and third weeks I think he began to realise that mummy left him there...

We're now 8 weeks in and it's so much better and he has slowly settled but it definitely takes longer than 3 weeks and a bit of perseverance. However, you know your baby and what they can tolerate and if you have other options then it's perfectly okay to explore those too.