Driving after drinking on a night out

[LizzyG32]

My partner went on a night out last week with a friend who can take things too far drinking. A friend from before we had children and had stayed very occasionally at ours overnight the odd time when myself and two children at my parents house. This person is known to drink a lot and want to stay out late.

It was suggested he'd be in town visiting friends so would have a car. Then proposed they'd meet in town then as he would need to drive home that evening to do some dropoffs eariy for his own children the next morning. As we were at my folks already for half term I said fine we would stay for an extra night imagining as he was driving it wouldn't be a big night and partner could collect us in the morning.

Another friend said they'd go for a bit but would leave before buses stopped running. This friend messages to say the friend with car had drank 3 to 4 drinks before they left to go home so other friend was going to stay over at ours and leave car in town. I messaged my partner saying u could have asked as last time partner let him sleep in my son's bed which i didn't think was right and instead he should sleep on sofa or our bed and partner in son's bed. Had no reply so went to bed. When I woke up i saw there was an alert on video doorbell saying they'd got home at 4am(!) And not only that i could see the friends car in our driveway. He had driven them home from town and then proceeded to get back in the car and drive home. Which is 1 hour away!!!! So even if zero drinks since other friend left at midnight he'd already had 3 to 4 drinks before that. And then drove them both back to my house and continued to drive home? Surely this is not right after 4 drinks?

I didn't contact my partner in the morning as i was so cross and was waiting for a call or message to ask about our plans for the day when we needed collecting etc. But nothing. I finally messaged him about 1230 to say we needed collecting why on earth had he not been in touch. Explained what I'd seen on the video. He then proceeded to have a huge go at me saying he'd done nothing wrong and how dare I be angry. Am i being unreasonable? Despite the above seriousness of someone driving clearly still under the influence then he hadn't even contacted me and then our dsy was a total washout as by the time we were collected the day was nearly over. To add he claims friend went on soft drinks for the last few hours but partner stunk of booze. What on earth were they doing til 4am if one was drinking soft drinks and partner smells strongly of booze?! Just feel like I'm being painted out to be an ogre when I've spent an extra evening at parents so he could go out and then this is what i get in return?! I said to him earlier in the night do not let friend drive after drinking and he said i won't. Next thing he's in the car with him.

That really depends on how much a person has drunk and how much time has passed.

3-4 drinks could be anything from 3-4 units or 9-12 units. Obviously I understand your concern given history but you don't have enough facts to be sure. I expect they probably were over the limit, but you're speaking in absolute terms when it's actually assumptions.

There's a lot going on there though and your partner doesn't sound overly responsible. He was meant to be collecting you and the kids the next day but was out drinking until 4am then (presumably) hungover the next day which is why you didn't hear from him... That's not great. Also if he was drinking till 4am then I'd have been much more worried about your partner being over the limit when he came to collect you, not his mate.

You raise some good points. By the time he came to collect us it was 4pm and I drove us home. But yes you are totally right in that he probably should have not been driving either today.

12 hours is definitely not enough time to give before driving, your lucky your partner didn’t get stopped. His friend and what he does is absolutely non of your business you should be angry at your partner.

Well i was angry he got in the car with him to go home knowing they'd both been drinking and how they'd both acted so irresponsibly to think this was suitable to go out like this knowing both had family commitments the next day. I had no other way of getting home with all our baggage. I imagine many other people who were out last night were driving round today aswell.
And actually his friend is my business because if he'd killed someone or them both that would be my problem aswell as his wife and childrens. This is someone who will be popping up in future and i absolutely do not want a repeat. Purely coming on here to see if people think this sort of behaviour is reasonable or if this is something they would be cross about.

YANBU!!!

I’d have been bloody furious. So so irresponsible and selfish. I come from a semi rural area, lots of pubs on mountain roads that are very poorly lit at night. I know far too many people who preach the “five and drive” rule and absolutely bomb it down these roads and it’s terrifying.

I'd go mad.
This is not on- so many issues here.

Not suggesting in this case but our now ex friends (males - both with long term wives, were mates since school with dh and we met up as couples often)
They used to go out and end up having sexual acts/ sex with a woman each every other month or so. I mean how awful. The poor wives were oblivious and were quite happy for the men to go out.

Only sharing as some information was very similar.
Friend sounds like a bad influence on dh.