Weight dictates mood

ThisIsUs10 · 2023-02-18T21:21:15+00:00

Can anyone else relate to this that their weight affects their mood? If I feel 'skinny' I'm instantly in a good mood and feeling great. If I feel bloated, like I've put on a few pounds, it gets me so down like I feel like I'm so angry with myself. So if I woke up feeling like this but I had loads of fun stuff planned, it would dampen it iykwim. So exhausted of having something that I know doesn't matter, dictate my day. I know no one notices or cares if I'm bloated or have gained a few pounds. I know it doesn't matter and shouldn't matter to me. AIBU to assume it's ingrained into women from a young age to be small? How do I not pass this onto my DDs?

5128gap · 18/02/2023 21:54

I can completely relate. I've lost 2 stone and am at my perfect weight, and it makes me ridiculously happy. To the point where (this embarrasses me) when bad things are happening in my life, I can lift my mood by how slim I am.
When I get bloated days I feel so uncomfortable in my body, like my stomach is a horrible baggage I'm carrying around. I know how unhealthy that sounds, particularly as I'm an otherwise sensible well adjusted 53 year old. But I (we) are not alone. I've confessed this to friends who feel similarly to some extent or another.
If it helps, I have an adult DD who couldn't care less about her weight, so somehow I must have kept it under wraps.

Bubblebubblebah · 18/02/2023 21:57

Maybe it's not the weight though.
When I am bloated, I am uncomfortable and belly isn't happy so I have less enrgy and so on.
Think, is it really weight or is it uncomfort of digestive system going wrong?

Abba123 · 18/02/2023 22:02

I find that thin receives more compliments envy and it depends on the individual how much they value and crave that.

I’d suggest that you are waking up sad and seeing “bloat” when your tummy is actually the same as usual.

Is it normal to wake up sad and negative sometimes, yes, but there tend to be some reason for it. Too much booze, loneliness, unfulfilled expectations etc etc

Notimeforaname · 18/02/2023 22:10

It's normal to feel shitter when bloated. It's normal to bloat. Everyone has a 'happy weight' and some people feel crapper when they go over that too.

ItsLoudInMyMind · 18/02/2023 22:11

It could also be down to the actual food that you’ve eaten.
Food is known to affect mood. If you’ve eaten badly, so put on lbs & are bloated, you are bound to feel bad V’s if you nourished your body with healthy food and everything is digesting nicely. Sort of a food hangover really.

Disabrie22 · 18/02/2023 22:51

I’m the same, I actually feel physically dirty when I’m overweight (like now) and it’s horrible. I know it’s psychological.

FusionChefGeoff · 19/02/2023 07:22

YES!!!! This is completely me and I hate it.

I've had disordered eating since my teens including anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and now I fear a period of orthorexia that's masquerading as 'low carb eating'

When I am feeling slim or scales show a loss I am bouncing all day and nothing can bring me down. My kids are angels, my husband is a God and work wise I am going to conquer the world.

When scales show a gain or legs look fat or tummy bloats out, I am so despondent and miserable for the rest of the day. I am defeatist about work, everything the kids do irritates me to rage and I'm ready for divorce.

I even got as far as contacting BUPA and got a referral for counselling but backed out because I'm too scared about what it will reveal / make me do eg about eating.

But I don't know if that's an extreme example based on your experience - do you have disordered eating as part of these feelings or can you stop at just the emotional connection to weight?

If that's the case then I guess you could focus on the positives in that you are much more well adjusted than me

FusionChefGeoff · 19/02/2023 07:24

Ps just for context I'm currently a stone overweight as the binge eating / peri menopause is currently winning out of all my disorders.

Original poster

ThisIsUs10 · 19/02/2023 07:59

FusionChefGeoff · 19/02/2023 07:22

YES!!!! This is completely me and I hate it.

I've had disordered eating since my teens including anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and now I fear a period of orthorexia that's masquerading as 'low carb eating'

When I am feeling slim or scales show a loss I am bouncing all day and nothing can bring me down. My kids are angels, my husband is a God and work wise I am going to conquer the world.

When scales show a gain or legs look fat or tummy bloats out, I am so despondent and miserable for the rest of the day. I am defeatist about work, everything the kids do irritates me to rage and I'm ready for divorce.

I even got as far as contacting BUPA and got a referral for counselling but backed out because I'm too scared about what it will reveal / make me do eg about eating.

But I don't know if that's an extreme example based on your experience - do you have disordered eating as part of these feelings or can you stop at just the emotional connection to weight?

If that's the case then I guess you could focus on the positives in that you are much more well adjusted than me

Yes I can relate to this more than just feeling a bit bloated and bleugh. It's further than just feeling like I've had too many carbs.
Ive had low lying disordered eating as a teen, funnily enough I embraced the changes that children brought and this is a time I've never bothered about it!! Now post children and they are all older, it's back.
I've had to hide my scales away as I was becoming obsessive and gaining 1 pound would put me in a bad mood.
I grew up in the skinny was fashionable and heroine chiq/Kate moss was goals.
I think it's been ingrained from an early age and I doubt I can undo it now and I'd actually be scared to undo it and then let myself go!!

OP posts:

stepstepstep · 19/02/2023 08:15

It sounds like your go-to answer for ‘why am I unhappy?’ is ‘because I feel fat’ and vice versa.

Logically, there must be dozens of different reasons in a day that you are happy or sad, but you mentally jump to one & stick with it.

Counselling might help you analyse the roots of your moods in more depth and work out what other stuff is going on.

Smoothlines · 19/02/2023 08:21

No, I don’t understand that at all. My mood doesn’t alter caused by my weight. Nor do I think it’s engrained to aim to be small. I’m very slim and as a young woman always tried to make myself look bigger, before realising it was never going to happen. I’m fine being very slim now and don’t stress about it.

Original poster

ThisIsUs10 · 19/02/2023 08:42

Smoothlines · 19/02/2023 08:21

No, I don’t understand that at all. My mood doesn’t alter caused by my weight. Nor do I think it’s engrained to aim to be small. I’m very slim and as a young woman always tried to make myself look bigger, before realising it was never going to happen. I’m fine being very slim now and don’t stress about it.

Great to hear as a young woman you don't feel this, also so good about my daughters, I'm almost 40 and grew up admiring very thin celebrities so I'm wondering if it's more my age group.

@stepstepstep no it's definitely just weight related. It's not a cover up for other things. I'm not a negative or sad person in general so I know for sure its the weight that dictates

OP posts:

Bubblebubblebah · 19/02/2023 08:51

I'm almost 40 and grew up admiring very thin celebrities so I'm wondering if it's more my age group.

Bluntly, I am same age group, it's not all of us who had it "embedded in". It was a fashion, that changes. Now you have big butts.

Maybe you do need to go and unpick it if it actually affected you to a point it affects your day at your age still. I don't think it's as simple as "i grew up with skinny models" at some point. If it has such a strong effect on current life, you are more likely to have some other underlying issues like self esteem etc.
It really might be worth looking into it bit more.

lornmower · 19/02/2023 09:02

Are you me OP! This is 100% the narrative of my life!!

5128gap · 19/02/2023 09:04

For me, I know exactly where it comes from. I was a fat child I'm the 70s, when this was pretty rare. It impacted every aspect of my childhood, from who would be friends with me (few), to teachers perceptions of me (stupid/lazy) to the clothes I could wear (nothing like the other girls). A good day then was one I'd managed to get through without being noticed, insulted or called names.
Losing weight in early teens was life changjng. Suddenly i was pretty and popular, included, complimented, had fun. After being fat and incredibly miserable at a very formative time, I'm not surprised the association between thin and happy took root.
Unfortunately it's pretty much set the tone for the rest of my life too. I'm someone who genuinely looks much better slim, so when I am I'm treated better, in the way women often are the more attractive they are perceived to be.
Not sure how to break a cycle that is constantly affirmed.

lornmower · 19/02/2023 09:51

5128gap · 19/02/2023 09:04

For me, I know exactly where it comes from. I was a fat child I'm the 70s, when this was pretty rare. It impacted every aspect of my childhood, from who would be friends with me (few), to teachers perceptions of me (stupid/lazy) to the clothes I could wear (nothing like the other girls). A good day then was one I'd managed to get through without being noticed, insulted or called names.
Losing weight in early teens was life changjng. Suddenly i was pretty and popular, included, complimented, had fun. After being fat and incredibly miserable at a very formative time, I'm not surprised the association between thin and happy took root.
Unfortunately it's pretty much set the tone for the rest of my life too. I'm someone who genuinely looks much better slim, so when I am I'm treated better, in the way women often are the more attractive they are perceived to be.
Not sure how to break a cycle that is constantly affirmed.

This has been exactly my experience!