Should only the top players get to play the match?

[DuchyCazalet]

DS12 plays football. He goes to training twice a week without complaint. They usually have matches on Saturdays. The team lose more matches than they win. Some weeks they get a lot of the team showing up to play the match, some weeks less so. DS consistently shows up. For the past few matches DS hasn't been called on to the pitch. I know that he's not the best player and he doesn't have a natural aptitude for the sport. He's quite good natured and doesn't get upset about it.
It particularly stung today as he was going to his grandparents after the match but if I'd known that he wasn't going to be on the pitch at all then he could have gone to them earlier. Sometimes the matches are across the city which is a pain as it's a big chunk of our weekend gone and it stings when its in vain.
I'm not going to complain to the coaches. They're volunteers, they want the team to win and even the coach's son only got a few minutes playing today. DS says that he wants to continue with the training and the matches.
AIBU to reduce the number of matches we bring him to?

It's actually gaelic football (I'm in Ireland). And just realised that it's 60mins not 90 although today it seemed to go on closer to 90. And they're asked to be there 40 mins before the match and then seem to have 20mins stretching and team talk after.
It's just a local team - not sure what league they're in but not county level or anything like that.
He is more interested in scouts and airsoft - he definitely doesn't any expectation of playing professionally. But it is something that he might continue on an amateur level. Sometimes he isn't bothered about going to training and I encourage to go with the reasoning that the coaches are giving up their evenings for free and it's rubbish for them if only a handful of the team turn up.
I certainly don't have an expectation of him playing a full match but to turn up and not even get on the pitch broke my heart a bit. It wasn't great weather today and he was standing on the sideline all that time (no benches).
But like someone else wrote, teams can change over the course of a season so we'll see what happens. I think that if it becomes the norm for him not to be played then he'll probably eventually get a bit fed up of it.

This happened to my son.

It completely put him off football and now he won't even watch it.

I hated it too. I don't think it should be cutthroat competitive until they are older.

I honestly think it's more about the coaches ego than developing young kids in a sport.

I agree. Your son wants to carry on training and going to matches. Let him do what he wants to do.

This

He wants to carry on training and going to the matches. If he turns up less he's even less likely to get played.

and this.

As they get older, then a competitive side is likely to play their best team.
The choices are to carry on enjoying being part of the squad, and training and keeping fit with his current friends - which seems to be your dc's choice.
or
Giving up altogether, and not doing that amount of exercise. Not being outside so much. Not being part of a good group of lads all doing something together.
or
Finding another club where he will make the team each week BUT he might not want to go and start training with a different team where he doesn't know anyone.

This is about the age it all gets very competitive. One of mine spent a year getting 5 or 10 mins at the end, losing more and more confidence. I finally persuaded him to join a different team one league lower. Never looked back. By the time he went to uni he was captain and playing really well. At 24 he still plays every weekend.
He knows moving was the best thing for him. I would look at a team where your son will be mid level in the team.

At age 12 all kids should get some game time.

Does the coach do a team selection, or does everyone just turn up? How big is the squad?

I think I have a slightly different perspective here as the parent of boys who love football. If you’re of the mindset that he is just doing it for fun rather than because he is good at it, then you need to find a club that reflects this attitude.

By age 12 most children have been playing for quite a while and are fairly accomplished - even if they aren’t naturally talented, and having players on the team who are there for a bit of fun is annoying. It also loses matches. Losing is a skill in itself but no one wants to lose match after match! I’ve been on the other side of this with a club giving time to a new child on an established team who has no natural aptitude and frequently lost us games. It was unfair on both this child and the rest of the team.

Football is a competitive sport and the nature of that is getting involved and working out how to improve; you being completely uninvolved with no conversation about how to help your son progress shows that you need to find a team where it isn’t taken seriously. You’re actually being very unfair on the children who do want to compete and progress. I myself have no interest in football but because my boys love playing, I’m now somewhat of an expert on grassroots football and never miss a game. We spend more time discussing and dissecting than I’d like to admit, but it shows my boys I care about what they do

Unfortunately this is the case my ds loved playing but wasn't one of the strongest so wouldn't get picked for a match or would be on the bench whole match hoping to get on. Totally not right as those who consistently show up to training etc should get equal pitch time but they never do. Ds stopped in the end due to this which was a real shame

It's actually gaelic football (I'm in Ireland).

This is very pertinent, and obviously as most posters are in the UK, they won't understand the nuances of the GAA!

I'm in Ireland too & am very involved in GAA - my 3 DC play hurling & Gaelic. I spend most of my life at some godforsaken pitch!

For posters who aren't familiar, finding a new club isn't necessarily that easy / possible. You typically play for your local club, often your parish one. There may be a choice between 2, often there's not.

Regarding selection, this is absolutely not ok. And not the way underage GAA works. The coach is wrong, completely (I've a lot of experience in this).

As GAA is so ubiquitous, many kids play it at least at a younger age. Usually this translates to having 2 - 4 teams at your DS age - the A, B, C etc team. This usually ensures all kids get decent game time, play at a level that suits them & are appropriately challenged.

It's absolutely accepted that kids who are superstars at 8 may not translate to good players at 15 - and vice versa. For this reason, the GAA commits to appropriate involvement for all up to at least mid teens when children start making a decision to play at a high level or stop themselves.

It's also cultural - this is our national sport and we want people to play as much as possible

Back to your DS. He should be getting at least 1/4 game. If there aren't enough players to have more than 1 team, then I do understand problem - these are graded games & do matter.

You need to talk to the coach. If you don't get a helpful answer that allows your DS to participate you escalate it to the club officer in charge of children's development.

Your DS sounds lovely. There 💯 should be a place for him. In all the many many games I've been involved with, no child has never played even tho it might be for a brief period.

Look up the FA guidelines- they are based on equal play time and inclusivity. I took my 8 year olds footy coach up on this as it was becoming obvious even to a primary kid that he was being sidelined and made a fool of. Coach gave me the brush off but things changed the next season. It’s bloody grass roots kids football not the premier league or an academy. I know the coaches are volunteers and get lots of
parents whinging about various things but end of the day, I’m there for my kid and I won’t have him messed around and the FA backs this up. Maybe ask the coach to integrate rest weeks if there are too many players. Win all around as kids get to play more when they are in the team and you get some weeks off.

Sorry just seen it’s Gaelic football so FA not relevant however, it’s still worth looking up the guidelines from governing bodies. Some sports receive public money on the basis of being inclusive and if they are not honouring this, it’s fine to point that out.

That's ridiculous. My DS plays rugby and we know who's playing and, quite rightly, if we're going to schlep across the county on a Sunday morning we know he's got time on the pitch. They do have an A and B team which helps but again we all know in advance who is playing.

That's poor and in 15 years of watching grassroots football will only get worse as competition increases and the manager is under pressure from parents and the stronger players.
Not saying it's right but IME often by around 14, even in more inclusive teams, the weaker players knew the score and had all but left.

I absolutely think you should talk to the coach. No kid should be turning up to not even get to play. It's really seriously shitty of them. All kids should get half a match minimum.

Don’t know anything about Gaelic football, but in England it’s only football where this would happen at that age. Other sports are more about the taking part and playing for the love of it - football is win at all costs even from an early age. Not terribly surprising given the example set by players and supporters at the highest levels and the amount of importance it’s given in the media. Football is shit OP - if you can, try and persuade him to play a decent sport.

This is great advice, rings very true for us!!! Him playing at potentially the wrong level isn't fun for anyone!

That said, I'm sure GAA is a completely different set up to grassroots footy (got Irish family so I know a little... But not much!). I doubt you can just find a new team, there won't be that many. How many subs are they taking to each match, 15 + 6? If not too many subs and they aren't getting hammered he should get some time! And you're are right, that is a long time to turn up and be expected to be there with no actual game time. Is he vying for the same position as another lad who is very good and core to the team? If he's happy and it not bothering the rest of the team, keep going, but if it keeps happening i would be concerned about your boy losing confidence.

My son is 30 now, but when he was young he was in the same boat as yours. He turned up every week, and hardly ever got a game. It was so dispiriting, and his little face used to break my heart. He was pretty hopeless, to be fair, but he tried so hard and football was his life (he's still mad about it now).

I did speak to the coach, who said that he'd rather have kids like mine who were enthusiastic than ones who had natural talent so didn't need to try, but he still didn't play him.

It never occurred to him to stop going though, so he must have got something out of it.

My son's team (and all the ones at their club) follow FA grass roots rules which (I think) state all players who turn up for a match must get some time on the field.
It would seem very odd and poorly managed for a kids team anywhere to bench a player for a whole match.

That's not on, my initial idea was change to a club with different ethos obviously can't work GAA need stay parish. I'd have word with club development officer. No way should children be left on sideline. Perhaps it the coach for your son team who not following guidelines ect. Even at U12 should be having small sided games, look up GAA GO Games.
Any local basketball club? They have rules equal court time ECT.

Ds used to play football. At the age of 7 his team split into the main squad and the development squad, and they played in different leagues so everyone got fair game time. And I think that's fair. People played with others of the same ability so they could all grow and develop. And now at 14, some in the development squad are better than those in the original better team!

I'd talk to your coach, find out his ethos on this. Is there another club with different groups that your DD's could join? Your poor dd isn't learning anything standing on the sidelines.

I have two sons who play football, I'm shocked this would happen. Even the weaker players should get some match play.

Do what your son wants? It is about him, right? Not about you.

Perhaps you could suggest a B Team to the coaches?

Not playing is going to halt his progression, without those.match day minutes as he gets older the game will get harder and harder for him to read and be involved in in a productive way.

I'd move him teams if he's already struggling to get game time with his age cohort.

How many subs are they taking to each match, 15 + 6?

It'll be 13 players, minimal if any subs.

It's definitely the coach not following the rules. All players should have game time.