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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop sending my son to dance lessons?

25 replies

LittleMG · 18/02/2023 11:56

Right so I know this a first world problem but it has made me raise an eyebrow…

My 4 yr old DS has started dancing lessons in the village hall. 1st week he’s the only kid there, next week a little girl who is a regular came too bit older around 6. The teacher came out raving about how good she is, ignored my son. Third week, only 2 kids there again, and again she comes out raving about the other kid. She showed her mum a dance move and my son tried to join in once again he was ignored. I’m under no illusions I’m sure my son isn’t an amazing dancer he’s 4 ffs and the class is for tiny kids- but idk a bit of recognition for his effort?
Then a see a fb post from the teacher talking about ‘her girls’ (kids in the dance classes she runs not her own children) aibu? Is he the only boy? We’re on a waiting list for another class this is all I can find for the minute. It’s convenient and the right price but I’m getting bad vibes from her.

My gut feeling is to let it carry on as long as my son is happy but both mother and mother in law were like no way you need to talk to the teacher.

yanbu - she’s a horrible teacher find another class

yabu - the other kid is just an amazing dancer and deserves the praise

OP posts:
LaFemmeDamnee · 18/02/2023 11:57

Fuck that for a game of soldiers

AlienSupaStar · 18/02/2023 11:58

Nope! Find somewhere else. And give the teacher feedback.

ReadersD1gest · 18/02/2023 11:58

That's really odd. Usually they fall all over boy dancers, there's so few of them.
Btw, how was he the only kid in the class if she has a whole load of "regulars"?

Orangepolentacake · 18/02/2023 11:59

I’m not paying for my son to essentially be bullied by an adult. Get him otherwise entertained whilst he’s on the waiting list for the other place.

WaltzingWaters · 18/02/2023 12:00

She sounds very unprofessional and isn’t going to give your ds the support and encouragement he deserves. She obviously has favourites who she’ll always focus on. Find a better teacher who can give every kid equal attention.

BeautifulWar · 18/02/2023 12:01

That's just bloody mean!

Most dance schools I've known of are usually delighted to have boys! Find another class.

Ihatethenewlook · 18/02/2023 12:03

You know you’re not feeling right about it, so I’d pull him out. He is likely to be the only boy in most classes. I’ve done over a decade of multiple different dance schools with my daughters, and only came across one boy, and that was one of the instructors sons. But your sons teacher should be going out of her way to praise ALL of her students, especially with only a tiny class. Maybe even more so for your son, I’d imagine some boys needing more encouragement as they get older so they don’t bow to peer pressure over what’s wrongly thought as a girls activity.

ReadersD1gest · 18/02/2023 12:06

Ihatethenewlook · 18/02/2023 12:03

You know you’re not feeling right about it, so I’d pull him out. He is likely to be the only boy in most classes. I’ve done over a decade of multiple different dance schools with my daughters, and only came across one boy, and that was one of the instructors sons. But your sons teacher should be going out of her way to praise ALL of her students, especially with only a tiny class. Maybe even more so for your son, I’d imagine some boys needing more encouragement as they get older so they don’t bow to peer pressure over what’s wrongly thought as a girls activity.

He probably will be the only boy, but most dance teachers would snap him up.
They do all they can to encourage the boys, this one just sounds odd.

BuffaloCauliflower · 18/02/2023 12:07

Yeh trust your gut and pull him out, and wait for the other class to have a space. She sounds a bit crap.

NoMoreShit · 18/02/2023 12:17

One of my sons danced from tiny tot to 13 & I never experienced anything like that. I'd remove him from the class before he notices. Last thing you want is for him to start feeling self conscious or not good enough. He'll start holding back & that'll destroy his development. Good teachers want every pupil to feel confident enough to achieve their full potential.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 18/02/2023 12:23

This isn't the right fit for your son. Plenty of dance classes would offer better support and encouragement. I also thing you should offer the teacher some feedback.

Original poster
LittleMG · 18/02/2023 12:59

ReadersD1gest · 18/02/2023 11:58

That's really odd. Usually they fall all over boy dancers, there's so few of them.
Btw, how was he the only kid in the class if she has a whole load of "regulars"?

She does other classes that go on all day, different age groups iykwim and different styles of dance. I’m guessing my sons class is the only one with so few members 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleMG · 18/02/2023 13:01

Thanks everyone I was prepared to be told iabu and a parent diva. I’m looking for other classes for him. I know it’s only a bit of fun, I don’t think he’s Billy Elliot, I just want him to have fun and get friends and self confidence etc.

OP posts:
eternalopt · 19/02/2023 13:23

Do you stay and watch the class or leave him there. If the latter, I'd be worried about what she's saying in class if that's what you see out of it. Might not be explicitly cruel or upsetting your son, but it all goes in and doesn't take much to knock confidence at some point.

SweetSakura · 19/02/2023 13:26

I'd find a new dance school. Most go out of their way to endure boys feel welcomed

LondonQueen · 19/02/2023 13:30

Definitely find somewhere else, your DS deserves better.

Robyn847 · 19/02/2023 15:29

Oh please tell us her Facebook page..... I'd love to comment!

Wishiwasatsoftplay · 19/02/2023 15:49

Possibly if there are not many students and you are a sure bet, then she is ‘encouraging’ particular students in order to get custom- I know several big name gymnastics classes train their trainers to do this-

Wishiwasatsoftplay · 19/02/2023 15:49

No reason to put up with it though- she could be more discreet

Lilyhatesjaz · 19/02/2023 16:09

My DS did street dance for a few years and there were several boys

Crumpleton · 19/02/2023 16:14

Assuming you pay for your DS to go to these dance classes.

I wouldn't be giving my money to anyone that's doesn't give my DS the time of day.

EmmaDilemma5 · 19/02/2023 16:20

I'd make sure to leave a review (and comment in the post), and send her a complaint letter too.

How strange that she allows boys, takes your money, and then ignores him? I definitely wouldn't continue.

Flounder19 · 19/02/2023 16:32

LittleMG · 18/02/2023 11:56

Right so I know this a first world problem but it has made me raise an eyebrow…

My 4 yr old DS has started dancing lessons in the village hall. 1st week he’s the only kid there, next week a little girl who is a regular came too bit older around 6. The teacher came out raving about how good she is, ignored my son. Third week, only 2 kids there again, and again she comes out raving about the other kid. She showed her mum a dance move and my son tried to join in once again he was ignored. I’m under no illusions I’m sure my son isn’t an amazing dancer he’s 4 ffs and the class is for tiny kids- but idk a bit of recognition for his effort?
Then a see a fb post from the teacher talking about ‘her girls’ (kids in the dance classes she runs not her own children) aibu? Is he the only boy? We’re on a waiting list for another class this is all I can find for the minute. It’s convenient and the right price but I’m getting bad vibes from her.

My gut feeling is to let it carry on as long as my son is happy but both mother and mother in law were like no way you need to talk to the teacher.

yanbu - she’s a horrible teacher find another class

yabu - the other kid is just an amazing dancer and deserves the praise

YANBU. She sounds like a closed minded teacher but if it’s not affecting your son’s enjoyment of the classes, I’d keep sending him and also approach in a nice way. I’d start the convo by asking her how she thinks he is doing and then move on to refer to the FB post since that is tangible evidence of her not acknowledging him. She needs to be more open minded if she’s doing such a job.

LIZS · 19/02/2023 16:38

It does not sound very professional. If attendance is so variable just how committed and enthusiastic are the pupils . Look for another class, ideally at a school which may offer boys more opportunities and specific classes further on.

Isabellivi · 06/04/2024 21:18

Unfortunately I saw this happen to a guy who was the only guy to join our dance team. We were teenagers but the teacher and other girls just didn’t like him there. I think it is sexism although he wasn’t quite as good as us he was making an effort and I felt so bad for him. Your son may not notice just like this guy seemed oblivious. Idk. Guys are different. They like challenge.

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