Family dysfunction

[WellhelloMrBond]

So this is a bit complicated…
Some years ago one of my siblings had a breakdown which led to inpatient stay & major therapeutic interventions involving us all… it might sound odd but it was the first shared revelation that we had all experienced a far from normal childhood which the treating team considered to be highly abusive. It made a huge impact & for a while we had a shared understanding of how toxic & dangerous our Mum was & still is. She however is v clever & uses all sorts of strategies to lure people in & unfortunately all my sibs are now denying the situation back in her orbit. I am not. She is still dangerous.
Anyway through complex circumstances we have ended up caring for a v traumatised child. The agreement was that they wouldn’t have contact with any of my family- for obvious reasons. However this led to a huge rift as my siblings think my Mum is being deprived of joy ( she’s not ) They don’t understand anything about the needs of a vulnerable child & have been very unpleasant & levelled all sorts of horrible accusations at me & ostracised me. They haven’t even understood the legal situation let alone decisions we have made.
It is heartbreaking. I think that as they have chosen to go back to Mum ( she created a health drama to lure them all back, but she’s actually fine ) so they can’t also hold a shared perspective with me anymore and never will.
Do you think there’s anything that can change this? Or shall I just give up?
I have worked so hard to protect myself & my own family from all the dysfunction…

Just go NC with the lot of them and be done with it.

I currently use Yellowrock method & remain at a safe distance, but they also contact my children…

Firstly, well done for getting through such a difficult situation- the period of realisation must have been hugely difficult but it sounds like you’ve established good boundaries for yourself which is a massive achievement in the face of a traumatic childhood and a mother who continues to manipulate.

I think that you need to find a way to accept that your siblings have made choices that mean you may not have a sustainable relationship with them going forward. While the choices they’ve made have undoubtedly been influenced by your mother’s manipulations and their past trauma, they are now adults. Adults who have, consciously or unconsciously, opted to move back into your mothers sphere of influence.

They may find their way back to an understanding of the trauma they’ve experienced, at which point they may wish to re-engage with you. But that may not happen. For some people, it’s easier to live in denial than work through past experiences and how they’ve impacted them.

What an amazing thing to have taken on the care of a vulnerable child. It must be challenging but hopefully also very rewarding. Hold your boundaries knowing you are right to protect yourself and your child.

Thank you. I have just been massively gaslighted by one of them. It helps to have an objective perspective @Madamswearsalot I really appreciate your comments. I think I am still grieving for the loss of my once close siblings.
I need to let it go …