To ask for the definition of a fussy eater?

[chronictonic]

What's your definition of a "fussy" eater?

Always been interested in this as my 10 yr old could be labelled, and is labelled, a "fussy" eater.
But after 10 years of parenting, I've come to the conclusion that every child I've know is one (or could be labelled one) in some shape or form.

My child hates pizza, lasagne, spag bol and lots of other things that most children love.
But she will gladly polish off a huge plate of steamed vegetables and a steak/fish etc. And is quite adventurous in some ways (loves all smoked fish etc) but she would only eat pasta plain for example and would be alarmed by a speck of pepper! But give her a still moo-ing steak and she's in heaven.

Her best friend on the other hand enthusiatically eats lots of the usual kid's favourites: pizza, pasta, chips, a roast, without fuss, and with great gusto.
But she'll always leave the green beans & broccoli etc. And look truly disgusted by them 😂 The other day she was appalled by the idea of having rice... but her mother describes her as unfussy.

Would it be fair to call either of them a "fussy" eater? Or both of them?

What makes a child NOT a "fussy" eater?
If it means they eat EVERYTHING I am yet to meet one!

Even the most adventurous and 'foodie' child I know refuses simple green veg. Will gladly polish off a seafood curry, risotto, dumplings, sushi, ramen, pies, falafel etc. though! (Not all at once!)

So are all kids basically "fussy" eaters these days or shall we just abandon the term and just call them Kids?

Side note:
I do know some children with very limited & therefore problematic diets due to sensory food aversion & I don't think it's fair to label them "fussy" as it's so much more complex than that.

@cocksstrideintheevening yeah well we arent all going to agree! In this house, you eat what's in front of you. End of story.

My personal definition is 'dislikes all/most things that are good for them'. So if yours likes veg then it's a label I'd gladly live with.

Well, you are fussy though! You have written off multiple culinary cultures based on an assumption that the items on offer always include rice or hot spices. The huge range of Indian breads, Chinese and other Asian noodles, dumplings etc would all suit instead of rice for the carb. As for spices, remember that babies grow up eating food throughout all of Asia, they don't eat hot chillies while weaning! You could have something very mild like Korma or Pad Thai, Sashimi or Singapore noodles, BBQ ribs, char sui buns, lemon chicken, teriyaki beef, pak choi, okra, mixed veg, etc etc etc etc. There are heaps of foods from all those cuisines that suit from baby age onwards, if you tried some you might find things you like. Just ask in a restaurant what dishes are not spicy.

@MRex tbe thing is though, “not spicy” varies wildly. Some peoples definition of spicy is anything with flavour (not saying that’s the case for anyone on this thread, just my experience in general). I love spicy food, my partner has no tolerance for it whatsoever. He once made a chilli that literally tasted like tomatoes and minced beef to me. He thought it was a bit spicy, to be it just had a hint of paprika in it. So not spicy isn’t always helpful to people who have a very low tolerance to it.

My daughter was definitely a fussy eater when she was little - she ate potatoes, fish fingers, cauliflower, bread and cheese plus copious amounts of milk and nothing else. Things improved a bit when she was around 5 and had to have her front teeth taken out (they had been damaged in a fall when she was 18 months and developed an infection). She had school lunch and the headmaster was amazing with her, falling off his chair if she cleared her plate; one day she came home from school asking why I had not told her how good sausages were! (I had, many times!!). Her very limited diet continued until she went to university and fellow students asked why she did not like pizza, pasta etc and she did not know. Nowadays she does eat a much wider range of foods but still refuses pulses and fish. She calls me fussy because I will not eat mashed potato with gravy or sauce……

My DS1 is, imo, a fussy eater. He'd rather go hungry than eat something he doesn't like. As a toddler he ate anything I put in front of him. He's also tried most things multiple times and still doesn't like them.

However, we can eat out without it being an issue (except in a Indian/curry place). Going to someone's house is trickier because I have to check in advance what they're cooking. I always offer to supply something for him though. And he's happy with pasta and cheese for example if he doesn't like the sauce.
He eats all food groups so isn't missing out on any nutrients.

So in the grand scheme of things he's not that fussy.

Thanks for all the replies. All really interesting!

I think, as a lot of you have said, there does need to be a bit more definition between 'fussy' and just likes/dislikes.

Still not sure where my DC falls though! She can always find something to eat somewhere, as she is so happy to eat basically anything, as long as it's plain.

But she definitely has some 'fussy' tendancies, particularly an aversion to certain textures, not wanting things mixed up etc. Hates anything saucey/gravy.

But will wolf down a whole ice berg lettuce,
A tin of chickpeas and some smoked mackerel for her lunch today?!
As long as they are basically plain..!

YANBU. My DD 12 loves Sushi, seafood, stir frys, but will gag at baked beans or peas. DS 10 hates eggs, tomato and roast potatoes but will eat most veg, spicy food and Stilton (mouldier the better)! It's just different tastes.

I was called a fussy eater as a child. I'd eat everything - a whole fish, madras, every vegetable no matter how poorly cooked, whatever. Except I didn't like cheese - which is fed to children a lot. I'd have to turn down pizza, lasagna, cheeseburgers, sandwiches, paninis, toasties, quiche, dairylea dunkers, baby bell, cheese strings, wotsits, the list goes on.

So I was labelled fussy for not liking one ingredient.

My mum is like this. She is an adventurous eater but she feels like she can’t breathe when she eats anything spicy, which includes korma. We ordered a margarita pizza from a kebab place once and it was too spicy for her 😂 however she has tried loads of weird and wonderful food including crocodile, kangaroo, octopus and so on, she eats sushi weekly, and can eat anything as long as it’s not spicy. I wouldn’t say not liking spice is fussy! (That being said she has plenty she can eat in Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Nepalese etc restaurants even if the food isn’t her favourite)

I get this! I don't like cheese either and I once took a trip to the US that involved two long flights (7 ish hours each), then a couple of days of organised tours (with food provided) before I could just go off and do my own thing. Honestly everything was covered in cheese, for almost three days straight. I could have cried! I ate some of it but mostly lived on snacks I was able to buy from gas stations along the way, and lots of coffee 😆

Okay, but your belief that anyone who has a food dislike is "fussy" just because you don't personally have any at all is very odd. You're very unusual if it's true that you don't dislike anything at all.

My parents had the same attitude towards me, by the way. I was a very good eater as a child but didn't like two things. I was made to sit there, gagging and struggling, while I forced myself to eat a soup made almost solely of one of the things they knew I didn't like.

Funnily enough I still don't like the food now, and I don't like the parent much either. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think not eating pizza, pasta, or anything with pepper in it does qualify as fussy. If it's just not her preference, that's one thing but if she would go hungry at a pizza place, it sounds fussy to me.

If the best friend eats absolutely everything except green beans/broccoli, that doesn't sound fussy at all. If they don't eat any vegetables, that seems fussy to me.

To me, not liking up to about 3-4 things which are individual things not a whole category of food is fine - e.g. if there are 3 types of vegetables - but when you get into not eating any type of vegetable or any type of pepper/spice, it's getting into fussy territory

I honestly can't think of a food I wouldn't eat if it was put in front of me. Also just asked DH if he can think of a food I wouldnt eat, he said no. Maybe that is unusual, I'm not sure.

I also think your difficult relationship with said parent goes deeper than being made to eat a soup you didn't like.

I think @Theelephantinthecastle has a good take on what fussiness around food is.

It's unusual to not dislike anything at all. Look around this thread. Ask your friends. Google it. Very unusual! Great for you, though, of course.

I also think your difficult relationship with said parent goes deeper than being made to eat a soup you didn't like.

Of course it does. It's just an example. But it highlights an inflexible attitude that, in my experience anyway, can permeate out to many other areas than just food, and that attitude as a whole is the cause of many a difficult parent-child relationship when the child gets older.

Fussy eater = someone whose food preferences, allergies, sensitivities, physical or psychological food issues pisses someone else off as it's not convenient for them.

For those of us who have the above issues, please know, it's actually not convenient for us either, actually it's a fucking nightmare to live with and I've never heard the label 'fussy eater' be applied by anyone with the actual ability to be helpful.

Ok, but even with Indian food there are still options. Saag paneer with chapati for example; zero spices would usually be added to either. Lots of restaurants might be willing to cook up something else plain. Chinese, Japanese, Korean and Vietnamese all have plainer options too, especially if you ask. There are billions of people living in Asia, honestly you can find plainer food options to suit all palates.

You must have had some very badly made saag paneer! It would usually have spice..

Fwiw I don't think fussy eating is a moral failing or anything, I totally get that it's more annoying and frustrating for the person themselves than it is for me. But I don't think you can say that only eating plain food with zero spice is totally normal and not at all limited.

I would be happy to use a different term if there is a better one than fussy. I have a good friend who is a fussy eater and she describes herself that way (she won't eat spices, mushrooms, pulses, tomatoes, "wet" food and is also vegetarian)

What sort of saag paneer have you encountered that contains zero spices?!

I think fussy eating is very western/Anglo. It’s not something I was even aware of as a concept until I moved to the U.K. It’s still bizarre to me, tbh. Kids being fed beige food, people of all ages ‘not liking veg’, the weird hang ups around seafood.

You guys have a LOT of food issues.

Exactly this for me. My parents moaned for years that I was a fussy eater, but they eat a very limited selection of foods/meals and if I didn't like one of them, there was no alternative. I eat basically everything - I'm not not a fan of boiled or steamed veg or stew. I can go into any restaurant and happily find something to eat on the menu.

I was convinced for years I hated carrots...turns out I just don't like boiled carrots. I could put away a whole tray of roasted carrots quite happily. See also cauliflower, leeks, brussels sprouts, cabbage etc.

Still hate broccoli, aubergines and courgettes though...

This thread demonstrates perfectly how the term 'fussy eater' is of very little use, because everyone interprets it differently. Fussy can cover a whole spectrum of preferences and those using the term fussy eater often consider themselves to have some sort of moral high ground. I wonder if this is linked to the health implications for those with limited diets. E.g children who's diets are limited to 'beige' foods etc.

I think the more severe end of fussy selective eating would be tolerating (not necessarily liking but tolerating enough to be able to manage at a dinner party for example) foods in one format but not another eg. eating roast potato but not wedges, or one shape of pasta but not another. Or not eating at least 2 or 3 items from each food group ie carbs, proteins, dairy and fats, fruit and veg.

I knew of a child from Punjab who didn't like spicy food. His GM was saying how 'such' children used to die because there was no sustainable alternatives. In the UK we would call it a failure to thrive. Children across Africa are fed Pap (under other names) children who were then on the spectrum often didn't do well when it was time to move to other foods, so didn't the 'fussy easters' but rice/Noddles are beige foods. Every culture has a equivalent of white bread. It depends on how traditional the parents are if fussy eating is allowed, or catered for. I know of many people who are from other countries who are reluctant try any food that they haven't been brought up on.

People say this sort of thing on threads like this. However, it certainly hasn’t been my experience. Do you have any resources/studies on any of this that you can link?