To seriously consider leaving my job and becoming a SAHM?

[Sconesandgravy]

I'm the mother of a 9 year old who has relatively high support needs. I had her young and up until 2021 I was unable to work as I was a lone parent with no local support. In early life my daughter was medically complex, tube fed, over 15 syringes of meds across the day, so I chose to stay with her.

When she was older I applied for lots of jobs but always got rejected. And then we were made homeless and when we were rehoused my daughter's new school had no after school club and the new area had no local childminder. I still applied for jobs and got to interview, but never any further . My family used to regularly berate me for being on benefits and "having no work ethic". According to them all my reasons were excuses.

Circumstances changed when I met and moved in with my partner. We relocated and I got a job and although it's physically demanding I love it. It was difficult balancing work with caring for a child with high support needs that doesn't sleep. Thankfully over time we learnt how to make it work.

A few months ago I started having really funny episodes of weakness, dizziness etc. They were confirmed to be neurological. I had an MRI, the results weren't great , so I was referred for a lumbar puncture.

During the waiting period for the lumbar puncture my symptoms ramped up after a really stressful month - I was caring for my partner post major surgery, caring for a disabled child, and we suffered a loss of a grandparent to name a few events. I was having episodes of dizziness, muscle twitches, loss of coordination amongst other things.

I was signed off sick last month as I am unsafe to do my job as episodes are random and unpredictable, and the nature of my job makes these episodes unsafe for me and those around me. It's looking like I'll be off sick for the foreseeable (I'm already on week 5)

Lumbar puncture was done, and results are coming in dribs and drabs. I don't know if I have any of the conditions they were looking for yet. But I did find out I have an unexpected primary immunodeficiency. I work with lots of people and illness happens quite often. My last chest lasted 5 months.

On top of this I've learnt that stress and tiredness really ramp up my symptoms. My life is already quite high stress, so it feels like if I leave my job, I'm getting rid of some of that.

My partner and I have discussed me becoming a SAHM until we find out what's going on and I get treatment. And then once I'm in a more stable place, apply for less physically demanding jobs. We can manage on one wage for the time being.

I accidentally let slip of my thoughts to a family member and they said I'm just making excuses so I can sit at home all day doing nothing, getting handouts from my partner and that it's really embarrassing for them considering I've only worked 18 months of my adult life (I'm in my late 20s).

So... AIBU to want to temporarily become a SAHM? Bonus points for anyone who can tell me what they would do in my situation because I am genuinely struggling!

You apply for disability benefits because you are clearly unwell. Forget the ridiculous comments from family.

Your family sound incredibly harsh and unsupportive.

You've worked more than most people your age, it just wasn't paid.

You sound like you would qualify for disability benefits, so maybe look into that and take care of yourself.

Forget your family. Unless they are volunteering to provide childcare or make your life easier I don't see why you should listen to them.

Sod your relatives having to care for a child with needs(you haven't specified what these are) is reason enough not to work.

You now have health issues and can't work. If you and your partner have agreed what damn business is it of anyone else?

Even if you didn't have these issues if you and your partner could manage and you were a sahm its still no-one elses business

I would just in future not discuss things with them

I plan to apply, but at the moment I'm just waiting to get more letters and inputs from my consultants so that I have evidence backing me.

I know from experience how brutal the DWP can be when it comes to "awarding" disability benefits

What’s your sick leave policy?

if it’s e.g 6 months full pay then take that time to consider next steps, get a diagnosis etc.

it can’t be worth leaving if you haven’t taken all your sick leave?

We are lucky enough to have a benefits system in this country, if you qualify (which I'm damn sure you will), you get them.

Tell your family that and tell them to thank they're lucky stars that they don't need to apply for them.

I didn't specify needs because I was very conscious about how long my post was becoming! Currently they stand as moderate learning difficulties, specific learning difficulties, visual stress syndrome, Autism, ADHD, sensory processing disorder, sleep disorder, developmental concerns, suspected dyspraxia, a (thankfully stable) heart defect, and a suspected but yet to be confirmed genetic disorder.

For what it's worth, my family have largely been on an info diet for YEARS. Because there's no point sharing information with people who want to ignore the facts for whatever agenda they have.

I'm getting statutory sick pay. We've done the maths and it would make no difference to us financially if I leave because we get universal credit and aren't capped due to my daughter getting DLA. We'd actually probably be slightly better off if I left while on SSP

Thank you for the advice @randomuser2020 - I hope you're feeling better x

I was advised not to resign when ill even though we knew I wouldn't be able to work again and let them dismiss me on ill health grounds because it was proof to the benefits system you are unable to work. It was very easy then to claim esa. Are you in a union they helped me lots?

They are absolute *unts. Get the application in now and sort paperwork as you go along, they'll mess you around regardless of how organised your paperwork is. You need support and respite from your caring duties, money can help with that.

I am generally in the "get a job" camp but I think in your position not working would be more than reasonable. You have a huge amount on your plate.

Just reading about it was stressful!

@Spotsstripes advice sounds good. Perhaps you can be transparent with your employer if you have a good relationship.

Your family sound horrendous and i'd put more space in between you if you can.

My line of work unfortunately doesn't have a union. However I do think I could have a transparent conversation with my work. I think that's what I'm going to do. Thank you so much for this advice x