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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask if this sounds like OCD

17 replies

Kateislate88 · 16/02/2023 23:55

and if so, what support could be given? This is for a close family member (posting with their consent!). Issues have been going on since childhood but with various levels of severity. Person goes through periods of extreme anxiety and other periods without anxiety. Routines and habits remain even without anxiety but aren’t so bad, just a part of life. During periods of anxiety (which can be very long) routines and other symptoms become very difficult and exhausting and make life unpleasant. Person has been to the doctor about anxiety but has kept a lot secret out of embarrassment. She also has like a weird imposter syndrome about it, like maybe it’s nothing or she’s just being dramatic and doesn’t want to waste a doctor’s time, despite it being really hard to live with at times. She has a good job and a family and a generally good life but does really struggle during periods where symptoms and anxiety are most intense (although hides it well).

  • since childhood, a lot of ‘routines’ - not typical daily routines but things like, needing to turn all switches on and off a certain number of times before finally leaving it on/off on the ‘right’ number
  • anxiety around breathing … hard to explain. When watching a movie, say, if there’s a character who something bad happens to, or who is an unfortunate character, you can’t breathe in while looking at this person, only out. As if breathing in will sort of ‘take in’ their bad luck. Same goes for any kind of stressful or negative words in books and so on.
  • similar sort of rituals as above, only this time with touching their face. Sort of ‘brushing away’ negativity. This one’s hard to explain. You might notice this person touching their face but wouldn’t think anything of it unless they explained to you why they do it (will disguise it as brushing away hair or something)
  • extreme anxiety about random things - will often be a fixation that causes extreme anxiety for a period of time (days, weeks or even months) before eventually passing or being replace with a new one). This might be a world event or, more commonly, an imaginary health issue. Health anxiety, when it comes on, is severe and usually totally irrational for example, this person will read about a sickness and be consumed by fear that they have it despite having no symptoms and being in excellent physical health. Will be too scared to speak with a doctor and will feel sick with fear and misery about it until it passes. When they finally do speak to a doctor, sometimes becomes paranoid that the doctor has just missed the imaginary condition (although other times will accept that the doctor is right and feel relieved).
  • when her child was born she had such bad anxiety that she couldn’t sleep without waking up several times a night to check baby’s breathing, heartbeat, temperature, had a LOT of routines that she did to keep baby safe (irrational ones like having to do/say/touch certain things a certain number of times to keep baby safe
  • Very physical symptoms of anxiety including panic attacks.
  • Intrusive thoughts about her own behaviour - what if I do this? Or what if I did this? either about things she might do or things she did do. (When I say things she did do, it will be things like - we go for a family party and have a couple of drinks. Despite remembering the night fully and not being a drunken embarrassment, she will be extremely paranoid that maybe she did something massively inappropriate and just can’t remember it
  • Sometimes will randomly throw something away because in her head some feeling of negativity will be attached to the item (completely random, the significance comes from in her own head and nothing to do with the item). Like this is a bad luck item, if I keep it X,Y or Z will happen (maybe an intrusive thought that occurred when she picked it up/looked at it), so it needs to go.
  • Often late due to leaving the house and then feeling a massive panic that she left something on (that she hasn’t used!) and that her house is burning down, needing to go back and check
  • Thoughts and panic about ‘what ifs’ that have caused distress in her life. For example, will have a real panic that she has (despite just sitting having a coffee and doing nothing embarrassing at all) somehow taken a really embarrassing photo, uploaded it to her social media, and shared it to the world, all without knowing. Wont be able to think or focus or move on with her day without checking.

These are just some examples but I need to go to work now so can’t go on! We were hoping to hear from anyone who has experience with similar - is this something a doctor would be concerned about and offer support with? If so, what would be available in terms of help? I know she should just go to a doctor and talk but is feeling anxious about this and hearing opinions will be reassuring and helpful.

Please be kind! Thank you so much

OP posts:
Mumof3teenagers · 17/02/2023 00:04

It sounds like OCD to me. My 15 year old dd has OCD.
It’s characterised by intrusive thoughts, eg: something bad will happen, afraid of harming themselves or others, someone will get sick or die etc.
This leads to heightened anxiety.
In turn she does compulsions to prevent the bad thing happening … these includes checking, counting, tapping, repeating, seeking reassurance re her health etc.

It can be very debilitating but there is help out there. She needs to be honest with her gp about her intrusive thoughts and compulsions.
My dd attends CAMHs for CBT and is in medication. There has been a big improvement but still a bit to go.

Best of luck

Kateislate88 · 17/02/2023 00:04

I forgot two important things! She has a nervous habit where she bites the skin around her nails and also chews inside her mouth. She genuinely though everyone did this. Sometimes it’s so bad it bleeds. Not a form of self harm in that she is deliberately hurting herself. Just something she does randomly without thinking about it. She thought it was just the same as biting nails but we Googled it and found out it can be a common symptom of OCD.

The second one is daydreaming but she has these complicated long daydream stories that she basically lives out as a second reality while driving/cycling/walking/swimming - basically any time she’s not interacting with people. Not just casual daydreaming but long stories with characters and plots that go on and on and last for a long time. This might be normal but I thought it was very interesting! She enjoys these daydreams, they’re happy things. But I thought this was so interesting and wondered if there’s a name for this?

OP posts:
Kateislate88 · 17/02/2023 00:06

Mumof3teenagers · 17/02/2023 00:04

It sounds like OCD to me. My 15 year old dd has OCD.
It’s characterised by intrusive thoughts, eg: something bad will happen, afraid of harming themselves or others, someone will get sick or die etc.
This leads to heightened anxiety.
In turn she does compulsions to prevent the bad thing happening … these includes checking, counting, tapping, repeating, seeking reassurance re her health etc.

It can be very debilitating but there is help out there. She needs to be honest with her gp about her intrusive thoughts and compulsions.
My dd attends CAMHs for CBT and is in medication. There has been a big improvement but still a bit to go.

Best of luck

Thank you for your reply, it’s really helpful to hear from others with experience and I think this will encourage her to finally seek help. I’m glad to hear your daughter is improving 💜

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drawingmaps · 17/02/2023 00:08

It does sound like OCD, I have it. The gold standard treatment is ERP therapy, which stands for Exposure and Response Prevention therapy. I've done this as part of more generalised therapy for the root issues (it can be linked to adverse childhood experiences). It's made a big difference to my life. CBT may or may not be helpful. For me it was actively unhelpful, because it involved a lot of "replacing bad thoughts", which just led to more compulsions.

MajesticWhine · 17/02/2023 00:12

Yes it does sound like OCD. The skin thing is a body-focussed repetitive behaviour. Which is something that people sometimes have alongside OCD.
The treatments for OCD are medication, (usually SSRIs) and therapy, usually a type that includes ERP.

Mumof3teenagers · 17/02/2023 00:12

@drawingmaps my dd is getting ERP via CAMHS. I always ( probably wrongly ) call it CBT…. I think it’s a form of CBT… but I could be wrong.

@Kateislate88 the skin picking and gum chewing could be part of it and may be due to high anxiety levels.

I’m not sure about the daydreaming, but it does sound interesting.

drawingmaps · 17/02/2023 00:14

Mumof3teenagers · 17/02/2023 00:12

@drawingmaps my dd is getting ERP via CAMHS. I always ( probably wrongly ) call it CBT…. I think it’s a form of CBT… but I could be wrong.

@Kateislate88 the skin picking and gum chewing could be part of it and may be due to high anxiety levels.

I’m not sure about the daydreaming, but it does sound interesting.

I think it might be, yeah. I meant that straight/ basic CBT didn't really work, although tbf to the therapist that was partly because noone knew I had OCD at that point and I was being treated for anxiety. There wasn't really a proper assessment process, in the end it took me a couple of months of general talk therapy to even work out I had it! I'm really glad your DD is getting ERP though.

Lydia777 · 17/02/2023 00:16

Textbook OCD, I have it also. She needs to see a GP and find out which medicine works for her. I swear by sertaline.

Mumof3teenagers · 17/02/2023 00:18

@drawingmaps I’m glad the ERP worked for you. OCD can be very challenging for the person who has it. It’s great when a specific therapy actually works.
Yes, I’m so happy with dd’s progress, it was very hard seeing her struggle so much with ocd. There now seems to be light at the end of the tunnel.

drawingmaps · 17/02/2023 00:18

I also relate to the skin picking and chewing. And the extensive daydreaming. I think that's trauma related in my case as well, it's an escape mechanism. It is fun though.
I would like to tell your friend that there is hope to get better. I had OCD for around a decade before I knew what it was, right from childhood. The therapy has taken a long time and I'm still not completely better, but it affects my life so much less. I still relapse in times of stress, and it pops up in other ways such as with disordered eating. But on a day to day basis it's all but gone.

Eranzer · 17/02/2023 00:22

Another OCD haver here, definitely sounds like it!

RakiBB · 17/02/2023 00:22

As someone who has lived with untreated OCD since childhood, and only receiving an official diagnosis after 30 years, I agree that this sounds like high functioning OCD. Things are worse during periods of anxiety (I also have GAD), but living with the condition means I’ve already undergone exposure therapy in a way, which has made things quite engrained and as a result I’m on a waiting list for a more intense form of therapy. To be honest my anxiety is my main concern - I can live with my OCD, but then I don’t have many rituals or ritual thinking left at this point!
In any case your first port of call via the NHS is probably your GP and/or IAPT, but if private support is an option for you, a therapist might be able to help.
Wishing you luck and peace.

TortillaChipAddict · 17/02/2023 00:43

I have ocd and you could have been describing me. It was very debilitating for me until my 20s when I was fortunate in being able to pay for mindfulness based erp cbt which has reduced it a lot to where it is manageable most of the time ten years later. I had that therapy for 6-7 months. I’ve had flare ups around the births of my children and other life stressors but I know to expect it now and so can manage it better.

Lolarosemama · 17/02/2023 01:15

Absolutely OCD! Sounds like the inside of my head during worse spells.

CBT is okay but is more focussed on how we respond in the moment when we’ve already reached panic stage, which ocd can often overpower.

Agree that ERP is the best, I’d love to be able to afford a professional course, but even just implementing the principals has changed my life x

Rummikub · 17/02/2023 01:33

May I suggest EMDR?

psychcentral.com/ocd/emdr-for-ocd#what-is-emdr

2pence · 17/02/2023 09:20

Yes, all sounds like OCD, which is a treatable anxiety disorder.

The dreams sound like maladaptive daydreaming www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/maladaptive-daydreaming

Kateislate88 · 17/02/2023 13:51

Thank you so much for all the responses, this has been so helpful. Have read them all and it’s really given her the courage to finally arrange a doctors appointment to talk it through. Really interesting to get some info about things as well - we have read up on the therapies mentioned as well as the medication and biting/daydreaming habits. Just generally really eye opening and reassuring and nice in a weird way - to know that all of this has a reason and an end is possible! Really comforting. Thank you so much.

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