Children who just don’t get along

[Probablygreen]

DD is in year 1 at school. She gets on well with most children across the 2 Y1 classes but has a core friendship group made up of girls she has been with since nursery. They are all in her class, and I think the school specifically put them together because they’re friends, as they seem to have done this with other groups as well.
The trouble is that they just don’t gel. I don’t have specific complaints about the girls, they just treat each other awfully. At parties, the other girls in the group will completely ignore DD. She complains of being pushed, being mimicked, having nasty comments said about her to her face. The thing is, I don’t think they are specifically targeting DD, it’s just the way they are with everyone. They all act like teenagers whereas DD still likes to play with dolls and make up her own imaginative games (rightly so, she’s only 6!)
She has been invited to parties with girls in the other class and the dynamic is totally different. They are inviting, friendly and actively seek out DD to play and talk to.
WIBU to ask school to move DD to the other class? DD probably wouldn’t want to as she thinks of this core group as her best friends, but I don’t think she actually realises how friends behave towards each other, and this isn’t it! I don’t think I want to control her friendships as such, I just want her to have the opportunity to develop others, as I think what she has at the moment is more out of convenience than any shared desire to actually be friends with each other!

Has anyone else experienced this?

You would be very unreasonable to ask the school to change your daughters class.

Who would you suggest gets moved out of the class to accommodate your request?

That's a real shame that the friendships are so volatile. I would speak to school about the friendship issues in a 'how can we support her' way. She presumably can play with the other class at break time etc.

The school are unlikely to be able to move her unless there is a space in the other class. You could ask them to consider it if someone leaves, but they may be reluctant to set a precedent. However if they classes are particularly unbalanced, they may consider mixing them up at some point.

I've had to have a conversation with my DD about how friends should treat each other, as the girls in her friendship group are very mean-girly, and they're only 5/6. Makes me really sad. I'm trying to encourage her to play with other children. I think at this age it's ok to steer their friendships somewhat. I would have a conversation with the teacher to see what can be done.

@Pinkflipflop85 thanks for your reply, the classes only have 20 children each so there would be no need to move anyone, and I’d be asking for the change from September, when they usually mux the classes up a bit anyway. I was just thinking of asking to make sure DD is one of them. I don’t think the school would have a problem with it, I’m usually a very reasonable parent!
The question is more about whether I should do it from DD’s perspective?

*mix the classes up

Yes I would if I were you. I know the type of girls your talking about, we have a couple in our year and I would not be encouraging friendships with them.
Hopefully a class change will help her find some new friends, although she will be initially upset.

@FrenchTrellis yes, this is what it reminds me of! I wasn’t expecting any issues like that until at least KS2, and I’m concerned that at 6 this is just what DD thinks friendships are like, as she seems to just accept it. I don’t want her growing up thinking that’s how people should treat each other!

Yes I would be discussing this with school.

Pushing, mimicking, ignoring, age 6, it's not ideal is it.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask! I'm sure you'd do it in a measured way. They may very well be planning a mix up anyway, so perhaps explain your reasoning and identify if there is a 'ringleader' who you want to keep your child away from

You're wrong. OP is perfectly reasonable to ask tell the school to do this.

I don't understand the first reply, surely that's a matter for school.

Why would op have to chose who to move.

Feels a bit OTT OP because believe me, this isn't the last time you're going to have school drama with DDs friends and the answer can't always be to swap classes...

I think if I was 6 and in the same situation I would want someone to do something about it. A 6 year old doesn’t really have enough experience to know that there are better options available, surely?
I’m glad the majority are saying they would at least ask, that’s all I would be doing, I’m not the type to go ‘demanding’ anything of school.

@Jimboscott0115 I do understand that, and it’s not that I want to control who she is friends with, if she gets moved away and still chooses to be friends with those children that’s up to her, I just think that at 6 she should have the opportunity to develop other friendships and decide for herself what she prefers.

I would try to move her absolutely.
My 8 yo niece is the main girl in a group of girls like this. Never. Ending. Dramas. I would get my DD away from them in a flash.
Different class. Encouraging other friendships. Kids should be allowed to feel happy and safe, not attacked all the time.
In fact my son is in their year at school and I have asked that he is never put in their class.