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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brother been taken advantage of...is it my place to interfere?

16 replies

singulere · 16/02/2023 16:35

My brother is 33 and has always been a bit of a loner,he also has a few Health issues.
He was dating my friend (if you can call it that for a year)
He was madly in love with her but she didn't treat him well (this was 15 years ago )
Since then he has remained single.
I remained friends with the girl he was dating but she was a strange character so we ended up falling out.
Never had a job in her life,had a boyfriend of 10 years but they never went on a date.
She would see him twice a week and he would sit in her bedroom (she still lived with her mum) then he would drive her to the supermarkets so she could do their shopping(hers and her mums)
Anyway In this time my brother didn't hear a peep from her
We drifted apart too as we had different lifestyles.
I heard she had broken up from her boyfriend and within a few weeks she was "chatting to my brother"
He was over the moon but told me she had a boyfriend who lived in Canada now but he was happy just being her friend.
So ..my brother has a car and now drives my ex friend everywhere.
Twice a week to the supermarket,into town (less than 10 min walk ) when it's windy or raining he drives her to the local shop (2 mins walk)
This has been going on for 7 months now.

He has said he loves being in her life again but I know her and knows she's taking advantage purely for the fact he has a car -and has replaced her ex driving her around.
Aibu to say something to her?
I can't say anything to my brother as he can't see it.

OP posts:
JMSA · 16/02/2023 16:51

That's a really tough one, OP. Of course you are right though; she's a chancer of the highest order.
I would be direct with your brother. If you were to have it out with her and she dumped him - and he found out why - he'd never talk to you again. At least if you try to make him aware, it's an 'ignore at your peril' situation, and he couldn't say he hadn't been warned!
Good luck.

lornmower · 16/02/2023 17:02

No i wouldn't say anything OP - he's 33

JMSA · 16/02/2023 17:06

33 yes, but not necessarily with the same life experience or maturity of most men his age. We don't even know if he's neurotypical. He may well need the reality of the situation spelt out to him.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 16/02/2023 17:09

So what? It’s not as if he’s giving her his life savings. He obviously enjoys it, so why should you be bothered.

JMSA · 16/02/2023 17:10

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 16/02/2023 17:09

So what? It’s not as if he’s giving her his life savings. He obviously enjoys it, so why should you be bothered.

That could well be next!

Flavabobble · 16/02/2023 17:12

JMSA · 16/02/2023 17:10

That could well be next!

Show quote history

That would be concern.

JMSA · 16/02/2023 17:12

If it were a woman doing all the running around after a loser of a man, Mumsnetters would be warning her off him left, right and centre!

Original poster
singulere · 16/02/2023 17:26

There's just so many red flags
The fact he drives her everywhere
He bought her a puppy
They aren't dating (she has a internet boyfriend)
He buys her random gifts

He just can't see people for what they are
My brother doesn't work due to his health issues

OP posts:
newforest1 · 16/02/2023 17:35

I agree with what someone else said, try and chat to him nicely and get him to see she's using him. Obviously be nice and tactful about it etc

WB205020 · 16/02/2023 17:41

What @JMSA said.
You need to have a chat with your brother ideally. If she is taking advantage of him speaking to her will only make her more determined and potentially turn your brother against you. She may bring him closer with the promise of getting back together eventually etc.

Floogal · 16/02/2023 17:48

Brought her a dog FFS ! Animal welfare issue as well.
Whats to say she doesn't have other men simpering and orbiting around her. What's to say he won't be bullied by her and her friends. Your hear about mate crime and how disastrous that can be (dead man's shoes).
This woman is a loser and a user.

Original poster
singulere · 16/02/2023 18:03

She has zero friends
I was her only friend really and had enough of her behaviour.

OP posts:
Cocobutt · 16/02/2023 18:32

Do you really think he’d listen to you?

He’s head over heels in love with her and she can’t do anything wrong.

You could remind him that she has a boyfriend and to not get his hopes up and to try online dating whilst also being friends with her.

I would worry that as he is so vulnerable that many women will take advantage of him.
At least you know who this woman is and he’s happy just being in her life.

Cocobutt · 16/02/2023 18:33

Do they both have special needs?

GatoradeMeBitch · 16/02/2023 18:48

Maybe have a chat about only giving as much of himself as he's comfortable with and keeping an eye out for users, but don't be quick to throw a bucket of water on this friendship if he is "over the moon". If he loses her friendship, does he have anything to replace it?

Depending how vulnerable he is - you could get back in contact with her yourself. Remind her when his birthday is coming up, give her a prod now and then that it's nice for friends to reciprocate favours.

Original poster
singulere · 16/02/2023 20:30

No she doesn't have any special needs

OP posts:
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