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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sibling missing birthday

12 replies

Neodymium · 16/02/2023 10:21

It was a significant birthday of mine last week. Several reasons but was unable to have anything then. Have planned a night out for this week with a few friends and my siblings. One sibling has just messaged me 24 hours prior that they meant to purchase tickets to a show for tonight and they accidentally purchased them for tomorrow night same as my birthday. My birthday thing is 7-10pm and they apparently will come straight there after the show, with travel ect best they will get there is 9. I would say more likely after 9 though. I am quite upset they are just going to the show and missing my bday. I have no idea if the tickets are refundable or exchangeable or not. But it just feels really hurtful. To be honest I feel like just cancelling the whole thing. I was reluctant to do anything in the first place because I have few friends as it is and they typically all cancel stuff all the time and then I just feel pathetic because no one turns up. But my sibling encouraged me to have something seeing as it was a major bday. Now they are just going to miss most of it.

and I can’t just change the time either or make it later. It is a booked things that can’t be moved.

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 16/02/2023 10:27

Well it's a shame that they have booked something on the wrong day, could you say it is fine and you can maybe meet up for dinner or something to celebrate rather than them turning up late?

HeddaGarbled · 16/02/2023 10:30

It would be rude to the other siblings and friends who are coming to cancel just because one sibling will be late. It will make them feel like they don’t matter to you.

viques · 16/02/2023 10:32

Are you five? Hope you have fun , remember to give those candles a big blow.

You will have a good celebration with your friends and other siblings on your not actually the day birthday bash , you can meet up with your missing sibling another day and make sure they pay.

Original poster

Neodymium · 16/02/2023 10:36

I mean one sibling messaged me but it is both who aren’t coming. So neither of them as they booked the show together.

of the other 5 friends 1 is about 90% sure to cancel. And the other is about 75% likely to cancel. Based on past experience anyway.

OP posts:

EmmaDilemma5 · 16/02/2023 10:39

I'd be hurt too.

I would sit with your feelings for a few hours. Typically with this type of thing, I instantly feel hurt and defensive but it doesn't take long to dissolve and calm down.

I would go ahead as planned, even if one friend shows up, you could have a great night.

The petty side of me says, when it's siblings birthdays, make little effort.

Original poster

Neodymium · 16/02/2023 10:50

if it was just dinner or something then it would be ok if only 1 or 2 turn up. But it’s a group thing, so needs a few people. With 1 or 2 it wouldn’t be much fun at all. And also add that sibling that messaged me is the one who suggested doing this.

OP posts:

Ragwort · 16/02/2023 10:53

Is it something like an Escape Room or similar? It is disappointing - personally I would cancel and maybe just have a quiet dinner with the friend that you think will be joining you.

Original poster

Neodymium · 16/02/2023 11:00

I’d probably just say I’ll postpone it and then it will never end up happening. I just feel like when they realised the error they could have tried to change it. But there wasn’t even mention of that. Like
they could have tried to move the booking or get a refund. But nothing like that. Just that they won’t be there til near the end. And that it’s fine as my thing is ‘on the way home’

OP posts:

aSofaNearYou · 16/02/2023 11:06

I think what they've done is fair enough tbh, but the problem is that your friends are flaky too, but that isn't their fault.

If I were you I'd start a group WhatsApp group, ask them if they're all free another day, and rebook it, rather than just vaguely saying you'll postpone it.

ImAvingOops · 16/02/2023 11:06

Can you text them and ask if they can reschedule their event, since it means neither of your siblings will be at your party.

I agree that it's bad form to drop out of something they previously agreed to attend and to make it your problem by telling you they've bought tickets for the wrong day and expecting you to say it doesn't matter if they rock up late or not at all if they get delayed leaving their event.

SleeplessInEngland · 16/02/2023 11:09

Doesn't sound like a big deal to be brutally honest.

WaltzingWaters · 16/02/2023 11:14

I would be hurt too as it’s both your siblings now not coming/turning up late. When I thought it was just one of them I thought no big deal but both of them is very unkind of them.
I hope your friends are more considerate and show up for you. Do something to treat yourself and have a lovely day regardless. I worked abroad for a few years and didn’t have any close friends as I was working nonstop. On my birthday I would get a massage, sit by the beach reading with a glass of wine, something so it was still a lovely day.
Happy Birthday 🥳

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